Is Monogamy Miserable ? 3

1.   Gay Monogamy - Sociological and Sub-Cultural

-- continued from Part 2 --

4.  Negotiating Infidelity is Hard Work...??!!
5.  ".....but we're emotionally faithful....."
6.  When The Dam Breaks


(4)  Negotiating Infidelity Is Hard Work...??!!

Yikes...!! Even FuelMix was surprised at how long the (partial) list of random thoughts became. And there's the paradox.........Fags screech that Monogamy is:

• boring
• requires too much self and mutual discipline
• reeks of self-denial
• takes too long to build up trust
• requires accountability and responsibility, they have needs too........

Wakey, wakey.....faggot......WTF do you think Negotiated Infidelity requires....??  That's right, fag.....exactly the same elements you bitch about against Monogamy......

That's why so many fags opt for the default setting - i.e. "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

Once the relationship moves out of the Dark Room, moves out from under the showers, away from the strobe lights of the circuit party and into the cold light of day, reality bites..........and both Top and Bottom become mute pussies.

Somehow, both have rationalized that it's easier to let the relationship "drift" than risk a confrontation or deadlock.  After all, he's not gonna stick around that long is he...?? The other one didn't.

There'll be a cursory conversation about "sleeping around" followed by a code of silence, self-censorship and assumptions. For better or worse, it is what it is.

The badly negotiated open relationship is as restrictive as the Monogamy both are desperate to avoid.


(5)  ".....but we're emotionally faithful...."

Negotiating infidelity (that buzz word, "Monogamish") or quarantining it so that it doesn't define the "relationship", is a containment device. Its structural integrity is entirely dependent on the skill and investment of those who built it.

We suspect that most fags don't have the emotional intelligence, the guts or the inclination to accurately state what "negotiated infidelity" actually means to the 2 of them.  Chances are that the precision with which the criteria for "negotiated infidelity" are articulated and observed, will fluctuate wildly from couple to couple.

In the same way that so many fags rationalize that "recreational drug use" is not a part-time addiction, we suspect that many fags rationalize that "recreational infidelity" is not betrayal. So they start loading phrases like ".....but we're emotionally faithful to each other".

This is where FuelMix gets totally fazed. Sex is an emotion. The brain is the biggest sex organ and processes emotions. When a fag who's in a "relationship" with another fag, is fucking "casual" hotties all over town, he's given in to his emotions.  So how can he claim he's "emotionally faithful" to his partner.....?

Moreover, as we wrote in No Anonymous Sex, there is no such thing as "No Strings Attached" - because the FULL MEMORY  of every sexual lust, fantasy and actual encounter is stored in the Subconscious Mind and can be recalled:

"Every encounter has a string attached.  It's called Subconscious Memory.

And that Subconscious Memory of every gay encounter, drives a gay man's conscious behaviour to every present and future gay encounter more that he'll ever know - and more than Faggotry will ever tell him".

(6)   When The Dam Breaks

Sooner or later, every relationship has to pass a Stress Test.  That means that the containment device - which is what Gay Negotiated Infidelity is - will also be tested. It is in fact, a barometer of betrayal - at a certain level it's acceptable, at another level it's not.  Just like the weather report, one is never sure what surprises the next day will bring.

To FuelMix, it's 50/50 whether Negotiated Infidelity is the strong point or the weak point in the relationship:

• Do both parties consistently test, articulate, re-affirm or modify the terms of Negotiated Infidelity?
• In times of stress in Negotiated Infidelity, does one of them flee to Bangkok or Cancun and the other flees to his parents.....?
• Are there Red Lines of Betrayal at which point, the relationship shatters e.g. a certain STD or HIV result that cannot be convincingly explained...?
• If one of them is sleeping around far more than the other is comfortable with, is he going to call him out on it...?
• What happens when one of them meets somebody more interesting as a result of Recreational Infidelity....?
• How do they keep accusations and recriminations out of it...?
• Should counseling be considered...?

Like we said above, Negotiated Infidelity is actually hard work.  All this bland talk by a fag with a boner that he's in an "open relationship" and "emotionally faithful", sounds like drivel to FuelMix.

Coming up in Part 4: Gay Monogamy via Quantum Physics and Metaphysics

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