Dead Man Dancing

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties
2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue
3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous 
4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties
5.  "Manageability"

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties 

1.  There’s no shortage of gay media coverage of the mega-gay dance parties and raves held around the rainbow universe. Ski Week, Fleet Week, White Party, Black And Blue Party, Pride Week etc. Not only do they serve as circuit pilgrimages – the Fag Haj where the recently converted meet the faithful, the faithful meet the true believers and the true believers meet the High Queens and DJ Gods – but they also attract fag celebs, porn stars, porn talent scouts and the assorted ass trash that passes as a wannabe’s entourage.

2.  It’s easy to get swept up in the whole thing – the non-stop partying, the crush of sweaty guys, the dizzying array of bulging muscle, the slick dance moves, that relentless beat, the strobes, losing all sense of time, the blowjobs on the dancefoor – and the chemical and amphetamine canapés so generously offered as communion.


2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue

1.  Many gay mega-dance parties loudly tout that a portion of their proceeds will go for AIDS care. Sounds hunky dory right..? Until it gets put into context.


3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous

1.  The gay media message about HIV/AIDS is ambiguous and ambivalent. It has 3 concurrent streams:

2.  First, there was no sign of a vaccine. Now we're told one's either available, or very shortly will be.

3.  Second, AIDS is “manageable” via a smorgasbord of medication. The term “manageable” infuriates FuelMix. It’s a politically correct synonym for coping at less than optimum levels with something chronic. It ignores the wretched physical anguish that accompanies AIDS. Insidiously, it perpetuates the acceptability of human suffering via polite nomenclature. FuelMix has more to say about “manageable” further on in this post.

4.  Third, fags are getting infected at much earlier ages.


4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties

1.  Gay mega-dance parties are tons of fun. But the warm and fuzzy feeling that fags get by being told that a portion of the proceeds go for AIDS and HIV, are offset by the entrenched culture of drug-taking at those parties. Those drugs are consumed for the sole purpose of evaporating inhibitions and making the fag more sexual. The impaired judgment leads to unsafe practices and the fag gets infected.

2.  So the gay rave is not only a rite of passage, but also a viral roulette game to bet on whether the fag makes it from Twink to Thirty.

3.  But consider this. FuelMix hasn’t seen very much being done about fags and their drug addictions. Why? Because fags have convinced themselves that they are “recreational drug users”. Ergo, there’s no problem.

4.  So, the commonly seen drug-fucked sexual judgment at gay raves is the product that keeps the raves in business, attracts thousands of fags, and provides the perfect opportunity for organizers and sponsors to market their altruistic side by doling out a bit for HIV and AIDS while ignoring the drug issue.

5.  Therefore, the link between addiction and infection becomes extremely profitable and politically correct.


5.  "Manageability"

1.  Back to the issue of “manageability”. Note the similarity between taking a drug cocktail for HIV/AIDS and taking a drug cocktail at raves. Both are for manageability. One is for managing survival. The other is for managing escapism.

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. FuelMix has nothing against mega-gay raves and after-parties (other than cringing at the idea of being seen downtown in club wear and glow sticks at 8 am by his alarmed office buddies in suits and briefcases).

See also:

• Dead Man Talking.
• Rainbow High

Originally published 9 January 2009
Amended and Republished 2 July 2013 | 6 August 2018 

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Adultery

To:

Those gay men who claim to be married or have a boyfriend, or claim to be, or think they are, in a relationship, but are sleeping around:

• with consent of the other partner;
• with the assumed consent of the other partner;  
• without the consent of their partner;
• without disclosing or discussing what they're up to;
• on the basis of "don't ask, don't tell";
• assuming their partner is also sleeping around;
• or just flat out lying about what they're up to;

we present the comments of Sadhguru.  Speaking in perfect English, with the option of English subtitles.  Running time: 6 minutes.



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See also the posts:  

1. Yeah I'm Straight
2. Open Season
3. The Vow
4. The Pact
5. And The Band Stayed On
6. Bi-furcation
7. For Better, For Worse Or Whatever
8. An Ideal.....Compromised 
9. Shot Through The Heart 

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Revenge Porn 3

6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It



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(3)  Taking legal action

1.  Considering all the noise being made to globally control the Web, there are no uniform laws concerning revenge porn.

2.  Depending on location, the laws specifically against revenge porn are either non-existent or, may exist at a state or provincial level or, may exist at both state and federal level. Note that in the absence of an overriding federal law, if the victim and offender live in different states, it may be necessary to take legal action in both states.

3.  Note also that revenge porn laws apply to legally underage offending teenagers uploading revenge porn images of another underage teenager.  Instead of being charged under child pornography laws, they can be charged with distributing an invasive image, or threatening to upload an invasive image.

4.  Even if there are no nationwide laws specifically against revenge porn where you live, the fact remains that the unauthorized sharing of a sexual image can still end up being a criminal offence under existing laws:

• Harassment
• Stalking
• Intimidation
• Blackmail
• Extortion
• Breach of Privacy Laws - unauthorized use of personal identifying information
• Hacking of computer or peripherals or mobile phone
• Identity Theft
• Incitement - when your image is uploaded to other sites and users are invited to comment
• If the victim was underage, child porn laws might apply.

5.  Civil proceedings may also be possible for harm to personal and professional reputation.  Remember in civil cases, you start the action.  In criminal cases, you will have to persuade the police to bring it.

6.  Also, notifying government agencies that a revenge porn website is engaging in unfair, criminal and unethical business practices may get you some relief and put the heat on the proprietors of that website.

7.  And for those gay men thinking of getting into a formal relationship with a Significant Other...? A prenuptial agreement that contains terms specifically dealing with privacy issues and ownership of sexually explicit images PLUS undertakings not to spread them if the relationship breaks.  After all, if you decide who gets to keep the Lalique crystal vases, why should your dick pics be any different..?

Originally published 26 March 2017
Republished 24 March 2018

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Revenge Porn 2

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn

We have drawn from the article, "How to Fight Back Against Revenge Porn", The Daily Beast, 1 December 2016.

1.  Breathe. Keep breathing.  Calm down.

2.  Defending yourself from a revenge porn attack involves 3 main steps:

• Collect the evidence;
• Getting the evidence wiped from the web;
• Taking legal action;

 (1)  Collect  The Evidence

1.  Save everything.  Repeat. Save everything. Resist the initial panic reaction to thrash around to get every pic and video of you removed.  Without the evidence, the behaviour cannot be criminalized.  Save the following:

• the pics
• the video
• screenshot of the web page where it appears
• upload dates
• all messages sent by the offender
• view counts
• all comments made by viewers - the comments may be derogatory, abusive, violent and graphic.  That helps your case in showing the harm of revenge porn because those commenting are also engaging in harassment.

2.  Re-adjust your social media privacy settings- with two factor authentication if possible.  This is because the offender may upload the images to dedicated revenge porn websites, reveal your social media handles, screen shots of your social media pages and encourage others to stalk, harass or hack.

3.  However do NOT block the offender from sending you messages as you still need to build up the evidence against him.

4.  To understand the scale of the revenge porn attack against you, Google your own name using derogatory search words that those into revenge porn might use.  For example:

• "Michael Smith cocksucking faggot bitch in Singapore"
• "Michael Smith cum swallowing faggot in Singapore"
• "Michael Smith cock sucking white Singapore accountant and closet faggot"
• "white trash faggot accountant Michael Smith in Singapore"
• "Michael Smith in Singapore is a cum swallowing accountant and cock whore"

5.  If those search terms lead to revenge porn sites with you on them, remember to keep screen shots of each one of them.


(2)  Getting The Evidence Wiped From The Web

1. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative has produced an Online Removal Guide that covers Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, Yahoo, Google, Microsoft.

2.  From October 2105, PornHub, the largest porn site on the Web, launched a new content removal form for revenge porn victims to file take  down requests more easily.


COMING UP IN PART 3:

6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

Originally published 22 March 2017
Amended and Republished 20 March 2018

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Revenge Porn 1

1.  Definition of Revenge Porn
2.  Social Media : Temptation, Apathy And Negligence
3.  Gay Men, Lousy Manners And Spite
4.  Revenge Porn In Context
5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It


1.  Revenge Porn 
      (or Non-Consensual Porn, or Vindictive Porn)

Underlining highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

Revenge Porn - Revenge porn (sometimes lengthened to revenge pornography) is the sexually explicit portrayal of one or more people distributed without their consent via any medium. The sexually explicit images or video may be made by a partner of an intimate relationship  with the knowledge and consent of the subject, or it may be made without his or her knowledge. The possession of the material may be used by the perpetrators to blackmail the subjects into performing other sex acts, to coerce them into continuing the relationship, or to punish them for ending the relationship.....

The term "revenge porn" generally refers to the uploading of this sexually explicit material to humiliate and intimidate the subject, who has broken off the relationship. The term is also often misused to describe non 'revenge' scenarios, including non-consensual pornography distributed by hackers or by individuals seeking profit or notoriety.  The images are usually accompanied by sufficient information to identify the pictured individual, typically names and locations, and can include links to social media to profiles, home addresses and workplaces.  Victims, whose images expose them to workplace discrimination, cyber-stalking or physical attack, can have their lives ruined as a result. Given the practice by some companies of searching for potential sources of bad publicity, many victims of revenge porn have lost their jobs and found themselves effectively unhirable.

-----Wikipedia, Revenge Porn

2.  Social Media : Temptation, Apathy And Negligence

1.  In Principles of Faggotry 32 we said this:

A dumb fag with a smart phone is a dangerous combination.

2.  What were getting at, was the danger of pervasive technology as well as the abuse and temptation they presented.  The plethora of social media, the access given to "followers", sexual hook-up apps,  hacking tools, photoshop ability - and now, A.I.-generated fake porn superimposing heads on other bodies, present a formidable array of options and weapons.

3.  There is a lot of social pressure to be on social media.  Very few gay men will stop to ask, "What for..?"  

4.  We suspect that gay men, in their never-ending quest for cock, are too jaded (or drug- fucked) to care, too negligent, haven't considered the web trail they've left, who has been given access to their pictures and videos, or they are more interested in creating multiple profiles to theoretically enhance their chances of getting sex.

5.  So, what are the fertile areas for revenge porn..?

• Lots of pics of you online that have been there for a while - and you may have lost track of where they all are;
• X-rated ads on hookup sites that could be traced to you;
• X-rated pics or videos you took of yourself and sent to the other party;
• X-rated pics or videos of both of you, knowing that both of you were being filmed and each party has a copy;
• G-rated or professional headshot pics of you that you uploaded to social media like Facebook or professional networking sites like LinkedIn;
• Innocent workplace pics taken with colleagues;
• WhatsApp or other messaging apps that turn into "sexting";
• Chat room conversations that can be saved;
• Hacking of mobile phone, laptop or desktop;
• Hacking of external hard drives and flash drives;
• Lost or stolen phones or laptops, not properly secured for authenticated entry;
• And no, faggot, Snapchat is not that safe.  Screen shots can still be made of images;

As the University of Adelaide's Law School pointed out in their online resource on revenge porn and cyberbullying, there is a deliberate or unconscious ignorance of the boundaries of sexual behaviour and online communication.  In other words, it's a minefield out there.  Not only is there pervasive and probably illegal intelligence agency spying of your laptop, desktop, tablet and mobile going on worldwide, but your cock-focused encounters carry high risks other that STDs. The Web has destroyed anonymity and seriously damaged personal integrity.


3.  Gay Men, Lousy Manners And Spite

1.  In Principles of Faggotry 82  we said this:

A Screaming Fag is perfectly capable of dishing out the Silent Treatment.

Frequently, in abortive attempts to hookup online and after pictures have been swapped, one party suddenly gets dropped without explanation - whether or not their stats are acceptable.  Face it.  It's happened to nearly every fag with a USB connection.  Emails and WhatsApp messages are ignored or blocked. The private window in the chat room goes silent or is abruptly shut. The Silent Treatment is in full swing.  The party on the receiving end of it is puzzled, humiliated and angry.  Fags are notorious for their utter lack of online manners.  It shows no signs of getting better. 

2.  Frustrated, pissed off and feeling cheated that having swapped pics, he was suddenly dumped, the wounded fag is in a perfect position to retaliate through revenge porn or online bad-mouthing, or uploading a fake profile with the other guy's pic and then claiming that guy is HIV or some other allegation.  Note that there is no relationship between them, other than the fact that both were looking for a hookup.  That sense of overwhelming cyber-rage triggered by another guy's lousy manners, is more widespread than the average fag will feel comfortable admitting.

 3.  "Sexting" is another problematic area that can go from flirtation to bullying and then abuse...and then revenge porn.


4.  Revenge Porn In Context

1.  It's a mistake to think that revenge porn only affects women since a lot of media coverage has focused on them.  The reality is that gay men are prime targets, because of their scattered online presence plus repeated ads and pics on the same sites - and even more so in those countries where Web usage is censored or monitored and where being gay or having gay sex, can carry severe penalties.  For example, in the United Arab Emirates where gay sex is illegal, there is no shortage of guys putting up their selfies on hookup apps, while offering to pay premium prices for a bottle of poppers - which are also illegal.

2.  Revenge porn might be a phenomenon but it does not operate in a vacuum. It operates within a continuum that ranges from entrapment (pic collector with a motive), anger, abuse, betrayal, bullying, blackmail, drug-taking, drug-dealing, date-rape, intimidation, threats, stalking, theft, reputational and professional damage. 

3.  There's some good news.  The criminal and civil remedies to deal with revenge porn come from the same continuum.

COMING UP IN PART 2:

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

Originally published 22 March 2017
Amended and Republished 19 March 2018 


Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Losing It To Porn

1.  Here We Go Again 
2.  Porn And Your Brain
3.  Will A Gay Man Admit What Porn Has Done To Him..?

......the problem is indeed in your head, not your penis, but that it is primarily physical. Specifically, overstimulation has produced plastic changes in your brain, which make you less responsive to pleasure — and yet hyper-responsive to Internet porn. 

----- Gary Wilson & Marnia Robinson, The Good Men Project, 23 January 2012, Why Does Porn Seem Hotter Than My Partner?

1.  Here We Go Again

1.  Having performance issues...?  There's your answer.  

2.  To say that porn is pervasive in gay culture is trite.  It is THE fundamental pillar of faggotry.  Tied up with body image, self-esteem (or lack thereof) cockiness,  thrill, hedonism, promiscuity and advertising, a fag's ability to function would be severely diminished.  Like caffeine, amphetamine or an intravenous drip, a fag needs a frequent and replenishable intake of gay porn. 

2.  Porn And Your Brain

1.  The constant jacking off in front of the computer searching for new gay porn -  (face it fag.....how many times do you actually watch the same porn streaming video..? Twice..? Three times..? Most of the time you're going from new video to new video.  Porn companies ain't stupid....many of them say upfront how much new porn has been uploaded that day) - increases the flow of dopamine into the brain's "reward circuitry".  

2.  That part of the brain is wired to gratification.  When it's overstimulated, the brain compensates by decreasing its sensitivity to dopamine and therefore to pleasure.  In other words, the chronic exposure to internet porn kicks in the Law of Diminishing Returns - literally.  There are several results:  

• For frequent porn users, the brain's decrease in pleasure sensitivity, drives the urge to seek out newer and newer porn, different genres of porn and frequently, more extreme porn. 
• While the person wants more porn, they are simultaneously experiencing decreasing satisfaction watching that porn. This is known as the Numbed Response and is the start of addiction.  
• This Numbed Response spills over into real world, real time sex with another person and impairs performance.
• Not only is dopamine-sensitivity falling in the "reward circuitry" of the brain, but the dopamine is not flowing beyond that into the hypothalamus.
• Harder erections occur when dopamine is flowing from the "reward circuity" into the hypothalamus. 

3.  Effectively, the brain has constructed a feedback loop of sensitivity and desensitivity which are in conflict:  

• Sensitivity is the urge to hunt down and JO to porn - the gratification.  
• Desensitivity is the restless dissatisfaction and Numbed Response that drives the user back to Sensitivity - while weakening the ability to sexually perform with another person.

4.  The article quoted above is well worth reading, particularly the technical explanation of Sensitivity and the interplay of chemicals additional to dopamine. These create Super Memories that drive the user back to porn and contribute to Long Term Depression.  

3.  Will A Gay Man Admit What Porn Has Done To Him..?

1.  It explains late night internet simultaneous addiction to chat rooms and gay porn, flicking between the 2 screens and a box of kleenex.  C'mon fag, 'fess up.....we've all done it. 

2.  It explains the high failure rates in gay chat rooms,  trawling Craigslist, Gaydar, Manhunt and the hookup apps like Grindr, Jack'd, Scruff etc. Since the brain's "reward circuitry" is desensitized from massive porn use, the brain is not that motivated to actually meet up and play with another guy - regardless of the bait the fag hangs in his online profile (and regardless of how hot the other fag appears to be)  And that is independent of any other excuse the fag might give for backing out: 

• "Gotta work tomorrow;
• "it's getting late";
• "sorry I can't host";
• "it's raining";
• "I'll e-mail you when I'm free";

3.  Fags are also prone to multiple drug addictions which undoubtedly influence brain chemistry and sexual performance.  Ever noticed in a gay sauna how a fag needs to snort poppers every 30 seconds when he's doing another guy?  Or needs to smoke in between tricks? Or needs to be jacked on crack or E before he can play and then slams during play?  In other words, the fag needs to increase the frequency and dosage of the chemical hits just to get a sensation. 

4.  Many times, the fag - even the young guys in their 20s - can't get hard without chems.  Hardly surprising Viagra et al, are closeby in the gay sauna or offered for sale in chat rooms. 

5.  The drug-fucked and porn addicted fag is on the neural equivalent of the hamster's treadmill. He needs the chem hits and the porn hits faster and more frequently just to keep the pleasure sensation rolling.

6.  The fag has chronically exposed himself to porn on his smart phone, tablet and desktop.  When he shows up at a gay sauna for a few hours to Stand, Model, smoke, snort, pop or toke, what effect are multiple porn screens in the premises actually having?  Ever noticed how so many fags apparently fixated on the porn in the sauna, playing with themselves, simply don't get hard? Or can't stay hard for very long..? 

7.  Even if the fag appears fixated on the porn screen, ever noticed how his head keeps swivelling from side to side  twitching for the next hottie that might walk by in a towel (or not if it's Nude Nite)? Is the fag actually in control of his behaviour or is he simply responding to a cocktail of accumulated brain chemistry whereby he swings from intense porn fixation to voyeur dissatisfaction to an interest in real person sex...? 

8.  Is the fag in a gay sauna actually in an attitudinal trance induced either by porn brain chemistry or drug addiction or both..? 

 9.  Is that why fags, whether ogling porn in front of their computers or in a gay sauna, lose all track of time.......?  

See also:

• Porn Addiction 1
• Porn Addiction 2
• Porn Addiction 3: Free E-book

PLUS:

• Sex Addiction 1 (Cruising vs Social Media)
• Sex Addiction 2 (Is It A Gay Thing..?)
• Sex Addiction 3 (Gay Men And Technology)
• Sex Addiction 4 (Drugs And Sex)
• Sex Addiction 5 (Finding Recovery)

Originally published 7 March 2012
Amended and Republished 12 April 2017 | 27 February 2018

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Sex Addiction 5 (Finding Recovery)

5.  Finding Recovery

Highlighting, underlining and bold print by FuelMix:

There are a lot of gay identified men, no one really knows how many, who utilize the intensity and emotional power of sexual fantasies and behaviors to self-soothe, distract, and emotionally medicate themselves in ways that not only go against their core beliefs and values, but also create emotional, health, relationship, legal, financial, and other consequences. These individuals can find recovery in therapy with gay supportive sex addiction treatment specialists – usually a combination of individual and group sessions – and in openly gay 12-step sexual recovery meetings. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) and Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) seem to be the most popular and welcoming 12-step programs for gay men. Oftentimes, an intensive outpatient program such as the one offered by the Sexual Recovery Institute or an inpatient treatment setting can jump-start a sex addict’s recovery. For individuals with fused drug use and sexual acting out, both aspects of the addiction must be treated simultaneously, preferably in an environment where these issues are addressed as the paired, dual concerns they have become.

---Robert Weiss, "Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men And Sex Addiction", Freedom Institute

Originally published 25 May 2016
Republished 16 September 2017

Copyright © 2006 – 2017 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Sex Addiction 4 (Drugs And Sex)

4.   Drugs And Sex

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

Writing a blog about gay men and sexual addiction without also mentioning concurrent drug abuse would be a great disservice. The simple fact is sex addicts often struggle with multiple addictions. In one survey of male sex addicts (a mix of gay and straight men) 87 percent reported also abusing an addictive substance or another addictive behavior. For many gay male sex addicts, stimulants like cocaine and methamphetamine are the secondary “drugs of choice.” Users say these drugs allow them to be sexual for hours or even days at a time – without sleeping, eating, or coming down – especially when Viagra, Cialis, or a similar drug is along for the ride. Sadly, safe sex is rarely a priority for such men when dis-inhibited by drugs. This is especially true for sex addicts who’ve already grown accustomed to marathon sex with multiple partners, greatly increasing their risk for contracting and/or transmitting HIV and other STDs. For some gay men, drug use and sexual acting out are so intertwined that they form a single, fused addiction – if these men are doing one, they are also, without fail, doing the other.

---Robert Weiss, "Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men And Sex Addiction", Freedom Institute

COMING UP IN PART 5:   

Finding Recovery 

Originally published 22 May 2017
Republished 10 September 2017

Copyright © 2006 – 2017 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Sex Addiction 3 (Gay Men And Technology)

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3.   Gay Men And Technology

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

For most gay men, the Internet has helped them learn about themselves, form supportive communities, and develop healthy intimate relationships. It has also played a significant role in the de-stigmatization of homosexuality – especially among younger people. It has likely saved lives. Unfortunately, the Internet has also facilitated sexual acting out for many gay men. As the accessibility, affordability, and most importantly the anonymity of pornography, online sex, and in-the-flesh encounters has increased, so too has the number of gay men struggling with problematic patterns of sexual behavior. For these men, even seemingly benign online activities can present a danger. Consider Joe:

Sometimes I go online just to check email or pay a bill, and without even thinking about it, I’m looking at porn or I’m video chatting with some half-naked guy who lives a thousand miles away. Before I know it, half the night is gone and there I am, still sitting there, zoned out and staring at the screen. It’s like being in a daze. And this doesn’t just happen to me once in a while. If it did, I wouldn’t be so concerned. But I lose myself online for three or four hours a night, nearly every night, and sometimes entire weekends are spent cruising for sex and masturbating to porn. Some days I sit still for so long that my whole body gets cramped – and I still haven’t eaten or done any chores. I just stare at my stupid iPad and let it drag me away into oblivion. A friend of mine used to do heroin, and he described to me one time what it was like, and it’s exactly the same as how I use sex and the Internet. That really scares me. 

---Robert Weiss, "Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men And Sex Addiction", Freedom Institute 

COMING UP IN PART 4:   

Drugs And Sex

Originally published 22 May 2016
Republished 7 September 2017

Copyright © 2006 – 2017 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Old School

Ask any fag with experience and they’ll say that the keys to successful cruising on the street, mall, locker room, toilet, bar, sauna or wherever, lies in 3 factors: confidence, body language and the look.

To which FuelMix would add a 4th factor: hotness.

Cruising in public, however furtive, is actually a brazen act of public defiance liable to criminal charges of indecency or loitering with intent or soliciting. But this post isn’t about the criminality of cruising. It's about the convergence of the 4 factors listed above and the head-on collision with so-called "online cruising".

Real-time  face to face cruising requires skill, persistence, finesse and a certain skill to determine compatibility. Cruising is in the other guy’s face and everything’s on view. It’s also awfully hard on the feet.

So, along comes the Web, the fag chat rooms, the apps: Grindr/Jack'd/Scruff/Growlr. Theoretically hookups should happen with a mouse click or a swipe. Pull up a chair, lie on the bed, arrange a lunch time quickie, post a profile, a pic, say what you’re into, what you’re looking for, when you wanna meet and bang!!…the trick shows up like a pizza delivery.  Exactly what you ordered.  All smiles, good manners,clean cut, freshly showered, smelling of Tide, high-priced body wash and Ozone.

Not so fast.......

1.  The attitude of the fag claiming to cruise online is quite different to the fag’s attitude whilst cruising on the street, yet the professed desired result is the same.

This is a crucial point because it shows a marked divergence in strategy which leads to zero, or infuriating, or an utterly disastrous online result.

2.  The fag’s propensity for lying (an ingrained and inbred characteristic that first started as a survival method in childhood to cover up the fact that he knew he was “different”) shows up in all its glory online. Virtually every fag with an ISP has had at least a dozen experiences with online fag flakes. That’s not to say that 2 fags won’t lie to each other when they’re cruising on the street, but since cruising in those circumstances is mutually visible, the most they can lie about is their age, drug use and health status. Online, there’s no shortage of what they can fabricate. Going digital, is inherently nefarious.

3.  The truth is that fag chat rooms are NOT a place to hook up. They are merely a place to loiter (without threat of criminality), waste time, rabble rouse, insult, get insulted, get angry, get pissed off and log off. In fact, very little chat actually goes on in the public rooms. Conversation is cursory, pretending to be banter. At other times it’s virtually non-existent.

4.  If cruising on the street is supposed to be anonymous, chat rooms are not. Every key stroke can be traced. The notion of cruising for anonymous sex shatters right there. (We are prepared to accept that with surveillance cameras installed all over the streets and parks in the West - in the fight against terrorism of course, - cruising on the street is not that anonymous either).

5.  In the real world, cruising is a silent, predatory action marked by repeatedly returning to the same spot (or series of spots in a given area) in search of action. Online, the chat room is a crypt with a revolving door, names spinning in and out leapfrogging to the top of the newly arrived list. All the while, they’re hoping for an acknowledgement or a flicker of interest. Most of the time they get none. It’s the cyber equivalent of “stand and model”. The silence can be deafening.

6.  In the real world, when no fish bites, you just walk, take the bus, hail a cab, hop on the subway and get the hell out of there plotting to return at some later date. In cyber, fags leave their profile in the chat room for days at a time. It’s a sure sign they’re desperate. It reminds FuelMix of a particularly notorious fag who would take up residence in a certain public toilet cubicle for hours. He’d bring porn, sandwiches and coffee in a thermos flask. It was jaw-dropping in its hilarity and deeply pathetic. It was also the only public toilet to have the aroma of freshly roasted Arabica beans and piss.

7.  So why have fags bought into this notion that chat room cruising is easy and fun? Probably because it appears to be the quickest way to see profiles and (sometimes for a fee), pictures of dudes. That’s really the hook – the curiosity factor. Every fag in his heart knows that right now he’s just too fuckin’ lazy to get dressed and go to the other side of town to actually meet the dude, or he’s still at work, or it’s late, or he’s surfing during class, or still high, or not even in the same city. In the meantime, why not toy with that apparent jock in the same way as a kitten toys with a ball of wool? He can be vague, tantalizingly nebulous, complimentary and even carry on a conversation…....hell, we all lie. What’s the harm?

8.  That ain’t cruising by any definition.

9.  Face it. If the guy cruised on the street is more interested in oratory than oral sex, walk.

10.  True cruising has the briefest of conversations, the shortest, sharpest answers to the right questions and a snap decision. Even getting to and finding a place to play is done in silence or only occasional conversation. True cruising on the street or anywhere else in real time, is characterized by libido and instant lust, a shared commitment to get it done and get it done right.

Yeah, it's Old School.  And it still fuckin' works.

Originally published 3 February 2009.  
Republished 4 November 2011.
Amended and Republished 23 July 2013 | 3 November 2014 | 5 May 2016 | 5 September 2017

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Sex Addiction 2 (Is It A Gay Thing..?)

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2.   Is Sex Addiction A Gay Thing?

Compulsive, problematic sexual behaviors are not solely a gay men’s issue. The diagnoses of sex, love, and porn addiction are equally widespread among straight and bisexual men, and those individuals act out in the same basic ways as gay men. The simple fact is today’s sex addicts, regardless of sexual orientation, locate sex partners via dating and prostitution websites, social media, and smartphone apps. The only real difference is gay men log on to Grindr, Manhunt, and Scruff, while straight guys use Skout, Blendr, and Ashley Madison. Gay and straight porn addicts also act out in similar ways, “losing themselves” in a seemingly endless online array of intensely stimulating graphic imagery – much of it user-generated thanks to the proliferation of webcams and HD cameras. Gay or straight, sex addicts live highly compartmentalized double lives, experiencing a variety of negative life consequences as a result of their compulsive acting out. Simply put, gay and straight sex addicts are much more alike than different.

That said, recognizing sexual addiction in gay men is sometimes tougher than it is with straight men, in part because Western gay culture encourages a wider range of sexual freedoms than does heterosexual culture. And while this is in most ways a positive (gay and proud) reaction to growing up in a shame-based, homophobic society, a counterculture of unrestrained sexual activity also tends to both enable and make it difficult to identify problematic sexual behavior patterns. In simple terms: If you spend all your free time in bars, it’s hard to determine if you are an alcoholic or just someone who likes to drink. Why? Because everyone there is drinking. Similarly, it is difficult to stand out as a sex addict when you live in a sexually permissive community. Most gay men live in such an environment, while most straight men don’t. Thus, it is typically easier for straight male sex addicts to notice when their sexual behavior becomes compulsive, excessive, and destructive.

It is important to note that gay male sex addicts are not compulsively sexual because of their sexual orientation. Rather, they are compulsively sexual as a way to self-medicate individual psychological issues – depression, anxiety, attachment disorders, social phobia, low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, etc. These are exactly the same underlying issues presented by straight and bisexual sex addicts, both male and female. Unfortunately for the gay male sex addict, his increasingly destructive patterns of behavior take place against a cultural background of dramatically greater sexual freedom than that experienced by other sex addicts. In some ways, the gay sex addicts are prisoner of their own autonomy, with fewer cultural opportunities for self-examination and less cultural support for behavioral change than the population in general. But this is changing. Many married gay men are no longer willing to put up with a partner who is out having sex with strangers two or three evenings a week. Like many attached, loving spouses of both genders, gay spouses are increasingly expressing dissatisfaction with non-monogamy and their partner engaging in random, casual sex. This is bringing more gay sex addicts than ever into treatment. 

---Robert Weiss, "Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men And Sex Addiction", Freedom Institute 

COMING UP IN PART 3:

Gay Men And Technology

Originally published 22 May 2017
Republished 5 September 2017

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Sex Addiction 1 (Cruising vs Social Media)

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In 2005 I wrote Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, a book that I took out of print in late 2010 because it desperately needed an update. Essentially, the volume was penned prior to the rise of social media, the explosion of user-generated porn, the advent of smartphone hookup apps, and numerous other advances in digital sexnology. And let us not forget the cultural changes “gay marriage” (and its effect on “gay monogamy”) has wrought in the past few years. Remember, many in the gay community used to deride marriage as an old-fashioned, demeaning, heterosexual ritual. Now, however, gay marriage is a hard-fought-for reality in several states, and with a forward-thinking president who has spoken in support of it on more than one occasion, other states are likely to follow. This has created a dramatic shift in gay men’s attitudes toward marriage and monogamy, leading in turn to quite a lot of individuals rethinking their sexual behavior, wondering if all the “fun” they’ve been having is actually compulsive and destructive rather than enjoyable. 

Needless to say, things have changed quite a lot in the eight years since I wrote Cruise Control. In 2005, gay male sex addicts were most likely to be found picking up hustlers on street corners, masturbating in adult bookstores to video and magazine porn, hooking up for quickies in public parks and restrooms, and cruising the steam-room at their local gym for hours at a time. Today gay men search for sex in much safer and significantly less public venues. Hustlers are found on prostitution (and dating) websites; porn of every ilk imaginable is ubiquitous on the Internet; mutual masturbation occurs via webcams; and in-person casual and anonymous hookups are set up using “friend finder” smartphone apps. Public cruising for sex partners is fast becoming a behavioral relic engaged in only by “old school” men (read: over 40) who’ve yet to embrace the technologic tsunami. And the number of old-school gay men is diminishing by the day, as it becomes increasingly clear that if you want to get laid, you’d better get “with it” in terms of digital hookups. Recognizing this, a heavily updated second edition of Cruise Control – already a staple among gay men in recovery – is scheduled for publication later this month in both electronic and print formats.

---Robert Weiss, "Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men And Sex Addiction", Freedom Institute

FuelMix says:

1.  The 2nd edition of the book was published a couple of years ago:

2.  As for Weiss' assertion that the use of the Web, Webcams and Online Apps is "much safer and significantly less public", did somebody forget to tell him about the pervasive, utterly illegal and overreaching web surveillance for no real purpose other than blackmail and control - as well as the ease with which these platforms can be hacked and the intimate details displayed to the world (on the Web, of course)....??


3.  We agree with what Weiss said about the impact of social media and gay marriage, but we disagree on his comment that public cruising is a

" 'behavioural relic' engaged in only by 'old school' men (read: over 40) who've yet to embrace the technological tsunami"

4.  From our observations here in Very Rich Megacity, we think gay men of all ages embrace an "holistic" view that covers the full spectrum of public cruising, porn viewing (often while cruising or in the sauna waiting for "Mr Right Now"), the smartphone apps and online ads.  We've seen this behaviour not just on the streets, but also in the bars and saunas.

5.  Further, given how much more brazen the 16 to 20-somethings are these days, we're not surprised to see them engaging in urban cruising.  It's a rite of passage for every gay man.  We wrote about it and its effectiveness in our post, "Old School".

COMING UP IN PART 2: 

Is Sex Addiction A Gay Thing..?

Originally published 22 May 2016
Republished 5 September 2017

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Gay Baiting

NOT to be confused with Gay Bashing.

Gay Baiting:  When hot str8 guys:

• deliberately flirt with gay guys; OR 
• pretend to cruise gay guys in the gym, hotel saunas, bars, the office or on the street; OR 
• deliberately show off their cocks and bodies to gay guys in places where they know gay guys will gather

---in order to get admiration, attention, sexual invitations from the gay guy.  Gay Baiting operates as a Power Trip and Ego Stimulation for the str8 guy.

Underlining and Bold Print by FuelMix:

Gay people aren’t idiots. We know the difference between taking your shirt off to dance and have a good time, and taking your shirt off purposely to bait salivating gay dudes. Trust me, we have an intuition from the gods. Nothing gets past us.

Gay baiting is like someone waving a piece of chocolate cake in your face then throwing it in the trash. That’s torture for a chocolate lover like me, but for the sadist holding the plate, it can be more pleasurable than the cake itself.

People say gay baiting doesn’t exist. We try and give someone the benefit of the doubt because no one wants to admit they were used. What’s worse is we know we’re being used yet we fall for it every time – like a moth to a flame. We willingly walk into the trap because can’t stop ourselves. Before we know it we’re blaming gay people for what straight people do, but trust me – the last thing we want to do is blame each other.

Straight dudes know exactly what they're doing

What we see on television, movies, and advertisements is a reflection of culture. They dig from a constructed truth, a psychologically accurate view of how we think: where there is a hot body, our eyes shall travel. But are the rules starting to reverse? Are straight guys seeing what actors and models do and reflecting it towards reality?

A lot of straight men, at least in progressive cities, enjoy the fact they’re being gawked at. But it’s one thing to get a gay guy’s “hot” approval, and another thing to actually seek it out – to consciously flirt, tease and show off in front of them, only to have it be a “look, don’t touch” policy.

Last week, two extremely attractive guys at my gym were working out together. They stole the focus of everyone upstairs because not only did they look like porn stars, they were also Australian (which gives them extra points). In other words, they were off the charts HOT.

One of them smiled and winked at me, and scanned me up and down sexually. I’ve seen this type of “scan” before (we all have). There’s no doubting it was a cruising invite of sorts, so naturally I responded back not thinking anything of it. He got the hint.

For half an hour we’d look at each other in the mirror and smile, as we did bicep curls, deadlifts, yoga posing, seemingly for the purpose of showing off. A bit later, the two were in the wet sauna together – naked, rubbing each other’s legs talking about their girlfriends. Every once in a while, looking up and seeing gay guys admire them, then laughing at each other as if they were doing it on purpose.

To make matters even weirder, one of them lay naked on the bench next to the lockers – in a Hercules (and he was Hercules) style pose, watching as guys passed by to sneak a peek. Eventually, the rest of us in the locker room got the hint: whoever these dudes were loved the attention, and while they were planting seeds of possibility in our heads, everyone knew they were baiting us.

Why do straight guys gay bait?

At the end of the day it’s about power. If a man is a sex addict, or bisexual, or seeking affection from other guys, he doesn’t bait – he goes through with it. He won’t wave his abs or d*ck in your face and act dumb later saying, “Oh sorry…”

We go wild over it and they know it because they see our reactions to advertisements and TV/film scenarios, and they want the same attention. It’s a jacked up way to feel important or validated because, let’s face it, when you received the gay gaze, magical things happen.

But no matter who you are, leading someone on or blatantly teasing a person for no particular reason with nothing to gain, is wrong. It doesn’t make you look superior – it makes you look like an asshole, which immediately debunks you from our list. To all the gay baiters out there, we see you. 

---"To All The Gay Baiters Out There, We See You!", by David Artavia, The Real Gay Guy, June 22, 2016

Originally published 22 October 2016
Republished 11 August 2017

Still Think Poppers Are Safe..?

As mentioned in an earlier post, Poppers: Potential Eye Damage, our position is that we neither condemn nor condone the use of Poppers (although we automatically avoid anyone we see doing them.  It's our "preference".....).

FuelMix has never smoked, nor done weed, nor Poppers, nor any other drug or amphetamine.  That's his choice.

For those who swear that Poppers are harmless, we present without further comment, User's Feedback from poppersguide.com/poppers-safety/opinions 

Draw your own conclusions.

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Poppers: Potential Eye Damage

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Bad news: Poppers might damage your peepers.  A new study in the British Journal of Ophthalmology builds on previous reports that the liquid inhalants often considered to be a harmless high could actually cause permanent retinal damage in some users.


What's A Popper?

These strong-smelling, colorless liquids contain alkyl nitrites, and their inhalation causes a sudden drop in blood pressure, rise in heart rate, and involuntary muscle relaxation. Because a whiff generally only produces these effects for a minute or two, the drug is generally billed as a low-commitment alternative to ecstasy or other psychoactive party drugs. Users usually feel out of it—hopefully in a pleasant way—and often experience heightened sexual arousal, but the effects were considered too short to risk any seriously detrimental impairment.

Even in countries where it's illegal to market poppers specifically for human consumption (like in the U.K., where the new study took place), they're often sold as cleaning products or "room odorizers" (because everyone wants their room to smell like something that could reasonably be marketed as DVD cleaner) to skirt restrictions. The inhalants have long been popular among gay men—in Australia, 60 percent of the gay male community reported having tried them—but are also a reasonably common party drug in other demographics. One recent U.K. survey found that 1.1 percent of the general population used them at least once a year, which makes them the country's fourth most popular recreational drug (after cannabis, cocaine, and ecstasy). Even a Member of Parliament openly admitted to using them regularly when opposing a proposed ban.

Let's be clear: on the grand spectrum of risky party drugs, poppers are not anything to write home about. But their relative safety may make many users careless.......The only big caveats given in most articles on poppers is that drinking them can be fatal, skin contact can cause burns, and that you can't use them if you're on drugs for erectile disfunction like Viagra. Since these medications already cause low blood pressure, the dip that results from popper inhalation can prove fatal.


Taking A Closer Look

In recent years, physicians have begun to sound the alarm on one possible side effect of alkyl nitrite inhalation: permanent retinal damage. Reports have trickled in slowly. In 2010, a letter to The New England Journal of Medicine outlined several sudden cases of vision loss after patients had inhaled poppers. And last year, researchers published a case study on one patient with eye problems in Scotland, but said they'd found at least 30 published cases of vision damage related to poppers in the medical literature.

Poppers have been popular for decades, but the timing of these eye issues could point to a possible culprit. In 2006, isobutyl nitrite—which used to be present in many brands of poppers—was reclassified as a cancer-causing agent. Since then, most commercial poppers have been made with isopropyl nitrite.

The latest study focuses on 12 cases—all male—presenting at the Sussex Eye Hospital between 2013 and 2016. All reported some kind of vision trouble, with the most common disturbances including blurriness or blind spots starting within hours or days of inhaling poppers. While the researchers weren't necessarily able to analyze the exact bottles that had been sniffed before symptoms had emerged, they were able to analyze samples of the brands each man reported using. They performed several diagnostic tests to suss out the patients' symptoms and tried to find a connection between the chemical make-up of their preferred drugs, the way they used them, and the resulting retinal damage.

There was immediately evidence that the replacement of isobutyl nitrite might be to blame: some men who had used poppers regularly for decades reported sudden symptoms after changing brands. Isopropyl nitrite seemed to be the common element, and the researchers believe it somehow damages the fovea a small pit of tightly packed cones in the retina that's mostly responsible for central vision.

This may be the most thorough examination of isopropyl nitrite's role in eye damage so far, but there's still a troubling amount of uncertainty here. Most men in the study recovered from their eye damage, but not all of them did. And it's not clear whether or not recovery is dependent on the cessation of drug use. Meanwhile, the unregulated nature of the inhalant makes it difficult to say for certain that one brand or another does or does not contain isopropyl nitrite—assuming that this is the only compound of concern. Perhaps users are safe as long as they stick to a brand that's never caused them trouble before; perhaps not.

"The pathological mechanism of popper toxicity remains to be determined, and there is no obvious reason why isopropyl nitrite should be more toxic than isobutyl nitrite," the authors wrote in the study. It's possible that by triggering increased production of nitric oxide, which may be toxic to the retina, these compounds could cause damage, but again, it's not clear why one would be worse than the other.

The researchers are also puzzled by the fact that a couple of patients only experienced symptoms in one eye or another, and by the fact that the damage seems very similar to that seen after bright light exposure. There's a lot more work to be done before doctors can confidently tell their patients whether any particular brand of poppers—or pattern of use—is safe for the eyes.

-----"Poppers" might permanently damage your eyes, by Rachel Feltman, Popular Science, April 11, 2017


FuelMix says:

1.  Nobody knows exactly what is in Poppers because despite its superficial illegality in some countries, it is actually unregulated and marketed as "aromas" or "deodorizers".  That doesn't stop the fag from hunting high and low for it, whether in the saunas (some have vending machines) or from a plethora of online sites whose product authenticity and reputation are unknown.
2.  Nobody knows how the chemical mix in Poppers actually affects the brain, the optic nerve and the eyes.
3.  It's another example of the Russian Roulette the fag plays in relation to his health.


For The Record:

1.  FuelMix has never done Poppers, weed, cigarettes or anything from the smorgasbord of gay drugs.
2.  The above reference to the fag playing Russian Roulette with his health is exactly that - i.e. the fag's propensity for risk-taking when it comes to sex, may be exponential risk.
3.  We don't condone or condemn the use of Poppers.  The article quoted above, is one of the more recent articles (April 2017) that we've seen, and is presented on an "as is" basis.  Draw your own conclusions, assess your own risk-taking capability.
4.  We are aware of the inflammatory controversy surrounding Poppers, in particular, its alleged downside and the accuracy of the assertions that its use facilitates HIV transmission.

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Yeah I'm Straight

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FuelMix has been witnessing a procession of lame ads by so-called str8 married men – inevitably white – looking for another white so called "str8 married man", in the hope of a discreet hookup. The ad always stresses that the dude has to be a married man who is discreet. Invariably, there’s a reference to playing M2M, whenever the wife’s not around, or whenever the dude is traveling, and that the advertiser is looking for similar “bi-curious” men.

Well, OK…………

Let’s declare from the outset that both the advertiser and the person responding are latent fags. That both might sport a wedding band and carry a picture of a domesticated clit in their wallets, doesn’t change that fact.

And let’s drop that other nudge-nudge-wink-wink phrase that either or both of these “str8” men are “bi-curious”. That’s a total cop out and a desperate attempt to salvage some shred of hetero masculinity.

“Bi-curious” is what an adolescent or a twink does. Or some str8 dude who gets stoned or blind drunk in order to muster the courage to allow another dude to blow him. At best, it’s a one-off, highly occasional thing i.e. a curiosity.

What married fag 4 married fag is doing, isn’t “bi-curious”. It’s an encounter between 2 latent fags masquerading along highly specific advertised lines. At worst, it’s predicated on mutual denial. At best, both are bisexual. Where there are references to playing with men whenever the wife isn’t around, or when traveling, that isn’t “bi-curious”. That’s outright faggotry – an admitted proclivity for cock that can’t be satisfied by a substitute pussy. The dude is a closet, or intinerant fag, or both, and is looking for the same.

 The stipulation that both men must have wedding rings is no different to 2 kosher fags saying they like cock rings. Both are looking to accessorize a cock, except that the kosher fags requirement makes practical sense and yours doesn’t.

Originally published 3 April 2009
Amended and Republished 29 April 2014 | 18 March 2017 | 15 May 2017

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