The Decor And Layout
Reception
Push the door open and be disappointed. The reception area is all white, using those TEENY white tiles they used in old style public toilets here in Very Rich Megacity. No matter how hard one tries, they can never look clean. And it shows. Grubbiness pretending to be stark white trendiness is what meets the eye.
The rules,regulations and price lists embedded in the Reception Desk are TEENY too. Ignore them. FuelMix goes to a gay sauna to be flagrant, exhibitionist, naked and if requested, photographed. If a sauna has a problem with that, FuelMix can take his business elsewhere.
Remember the word, "TEENY". It's going to be mentioned a lot in this review.
The Locker Room
Pay coin and get a locker key, which is both alphabetacised and numeralized e.g. F16. The logic becomes clear on entry into the locker room: There's a TEENY sign on the wall to your left on entering the Locker Room that shows the layout of the bank of lockers. Since the sign is TEENY anyway, you won't see it. Bumble around looking for yours, whilst appreciating the "Tsk Tsk" sounds of attitudinal chinks.
Find the right locker, open it and discover that it too is TEENY. The one that FuelMix got was just a cubby hole with a bottom shelf for shoes. That was pretty surprising considering that even the cheapest sauna like Galaxy provides decent sized lockers and hangers.
The Locker Room is the main thoroughfare to the the Lounge, the Dark Area,, the showers, the toilets and the sauna. Expect to see a steady stream of customers checking out newly arrived fags as they undress. Stand And Model is highly prevalent - one can pick that up immediately - as are their grim expressions.
The Locker Room gives the first hint of the colour scheme of this place - Black, Real Black.
The Lounge
This is a large space with black armchairs, a large bar style communal table, one computer, a water cooler and a drinks vending machine. There's no freebie snacks or fruits. Surprising really, considering that many saunas make some effort to provide some free munchies.
One side of the lounge has a large glass window that looks out over the Wet Area i.e. hot tub, showers, steam room. It's a waste of time since the window is fogged up. Duh.......
The initial impression is that this joint drops clues all over the place that the intellectual elevator doesn't go all the way to the Top Floor.
The Wet Area
Exit the Lounge and turn right, walk down the corridor past the lockers and the sink. There's a door on the Right leading to the Wet Area.
Die laughing.......the hot tub is a long, narrow rectangular tank which the fag steps up and climbs into. It too has TEENY white tiles. It looks like the tanks found in markets and seafood restaurants stuffed with lobster, garoupa and (no pun intended) crabs.
Opposite the "tank" is a row of showers - in black and chrome. Get real pissed off, 'coz the showers are nasty and tempramental. They're either freezing or scalding, particularly if someone else is showering as well.
It's like WTF.....?
Flee the showers and head into the TEENY steam room - done in black. The seating ledges appear to be the narrowest FuelMix has encountered in any steam room, but there we are.
The Toilets
Exit the Steam Room, turn right. The toilets are surprisingly grubby. 2 urinals were out of order when FuelMix showed up. And the rectangular black sinks....uh huh... oh wait, they match the hot tub.
The Dark Area
Head toward the Lockers, turn right and part the curtains. This is the core of the sauna - and what a fuckin' irritation the first impression makes. Black floors, Black walls, low ceilings with a net and fake leaves (??), amber coloured lighting at calf level and a few mirrors.
The layout of the Dark Area is an asinine labyrinthine pattern, punctuated with pitch black alcoves and a small gay porn screen. There's also a pitch black larger communal playroom with a vinyl bed and alcove at the end of the corridor with the slit window overlooking the street.
On both sides of the corridors are private play rooms in black. First, the good news: the light switch is near the door and it's a raised bed sized space, similar to what would be found in gay saunas in North America for example. Now the bad news. Some of the vinyl mattresses are badly cracked and cut right into your skin.
Again, it's like WTF.....???
The clientele?? See Part 3
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