Dead Man Dancing

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties
2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue
3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous 
4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties
5.  "Manageability"

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties 

1.  There’s no shortage of gay media coverage of the mega-gay dance parties and raves held around the rainbow universe. Ski Week, Fleet Week, White Party, Black And Blue Party, Pride Week etc. Not only do they serve as circuit pilgrimages – the Fag Haj where the recently converted meet the faithful, the faithful meet the true believers and the true believers meet the High Queens and DJ Gods – but they also attract fag celebs, porn stars, porn talent scouts and the assorted ass trash that passes as a wannabe’s entourage.

2.  It’s easy to get swept up in the whole thing – the non-stop partying, the crush of sweaty guys, the dizzying array of bulging muscle, the slick dance moves, that relentless beat, the strobes, losing all sense of time, the blowjobs on the dancefoor – and the chemical and amphetamine canapés so generously offered as communion.


2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue

1.  Many gay mega-dance parties loudly tout that a portion of their proceeds will go for AIDS care. Sounds hunky dory right..? Until it gets put into context.


3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous

1.  The gay media message about HIV/AIDS is ambiguous and ambivalent. It has 3 concurrent streams:

2.  First, there was no sign of a vaccine. Now we're told one's either available, or very shortly will be.

3.  Second, AIDS is “manageable” via a smorgasbord of medication. The term “manageable” infuriates FuelMix. It’s a politically correct synonym for coping at less than optimum levels with something chronic. It ignores the wretched physical anguish that accompanies AIDS. Insidiously, it perpetuates the acceptability of human suffering via polite nomenclature. FuelMix has more to say about “manageable” further on in this post.

4.  Third, fags are getting infected at much earlier ages.


4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties

1.  Gay mega-dance parties are tons of fun. But the warm and fuzzy feeling that fags get by being told that a portion of the proceeds go for AIDS and HIV, are offset by the entrenched culture of drug-taking at those parties. Those drugs are consumed for the sole purpose of evaporating inhibitions and making the fag more sexual. The impaired judgment leads to unsafe practices and the fag gets infected.

2.  So the gay rave is not only a rite of passage, but also a viral roulette game to bet on whether the fag makes it from Twink to Thirty.

3.  But consider this. FuelMix hasn’t seen very much being done about fags and their drug addictions. Why? Because fags have convinced themselves that they are “recreational drug users”. Ergo, there’s no problem.

4.  So, the commonly seen drug-fucked sexual judgment at gay raves is the product that keeps the raves in business, attracts thousands of fags, and provides the perfect opportunity for organizers and sponsors to market their altruistic side by doling out a bit for HIV and AIDS while ignoring the drug issue.

5.  Therefore, the link between addiction and infection becomes extremely profitable and politically correct.


5.  "Manageability"

1.  Back to the issue of “manageability”. Note the similarity between taking a drug cocktail for HIV/AIDS and taking a drug cocktail at raves. Both are for manageability. One is for managing survival. The other is for managing escapism.

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. FuelMix has nothing against mega-gay raves and after-parties (other than cringing at the idea of being seen downtown in club wear and glow sticks at 8 am by his alarmed office buddies in suits and briefcases).

See also:

• Dead Man Talking.
• Rainbow High

Originally published 9 January 2009
Amended and Republished 2 July 2013 | 6 August 2018 

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Gay Men And Forgiveness 2

It’s not difficult to find a gay man who has been hurt by another gay man. 

Sure, there might be different degrees of hurt. Some offenses were probably more subtle, while others were more blatant and outward. Regardless, they all can leave a mark. 

The reality is that many gay men are carrying past hurt with them day in and day out. The experience and wound gets re-opened each time they think about the look, insult or slur that was thrown their way. Instead of healing, the wound gets sliced open over and over again. 

On the other side, there are gay men out there who continue to hurt other gay men. Their view of the world is narrow and self-absorption is a way of life. Their self is the center of the world and they swing violently throughout the bars, beaches and community, much like a wrecking ball (cue Miley Cyrus). 

All of this creates a recipe for long-lasting grudges, cycles of hurt and monumental barriers to forming a sense of community among gay men. 

Is this presence of skepticism, paranoia and suspicion of gay men toward other gay men an old phenomenon? Or is this new? Is it something that wasn’t ever talked about or acknowledged before or are we facing a brand new beast? 

What I don’t hear a lot within the gay community is the concept of forgiveness. 

Merriam-Webster says to forgive is to “stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong)” and “to stop blaming (someone).” To “stop feeling anger about (something) and “to forgive someone for (something wrong)”. 

While there are certainly pockets and moments of love shown between gay men, there is also burning rage in the hearts of many — especially those who have been hurt time and again. 

Both Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi spoke strongly about forgiving others. King said, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” And Gandhi boldly proclaimed, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”. 

It’s safe to say that most gay men have been hurt by other gay men at some point in their lives. What would it look like for you to forgive the gay men that have hurt you in your life? Is it possible for you to let go of that hurt you’ve been carrying around for days weeks, months or even decades? Do you believe reconciliation is even possible? 

Maybe forgiveness is a muscle we’ve allowed to get flabby and weak. Maybe we’ve been holding out for an apology from our perpetrator that may never arrive. The truth is that when we refuse to forgive others, we only imprison ourselves. 

Every gay man reading this gets to decide: Will I carry anger or love in my heart? You can’t carry both. 

Yes, we need to educate our fellow gay men and be bold in confronting racism, classism, ageism and other -isms that too often go unaddressed in our community. 

I fear, however, that without an element of forgiveness, our posture toward one another will continue to harden. The distance and divide will increase and the toxic words we throw toward one another will become increasingly sharp and pointed. 

There’s very little hope of cultivating community and friendships when we can’t stand one another and when we won’t forgive. 

Forgiveness is messy. It’s complicated. Maybe we’re afraid to air our “dirty laundry” to the larger world. If we’re real honest with ourselves, gay men are not at all immune to hating one another. Perhaps a part of you hates other gay men in this very moment. 

While writing this, I came across these powerful words from Archbishop Desmond Tutu:

Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking, but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end, only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing.

Will gay men step forward to choose forgiveness? Will I? Will you? What will be your first step toward forgiving your fellow gay men?..................


-----"What If Gay Men Forgave One Another?",  by Josh Hersh, July 17, 2014, The Blog, Huffington Post 

See also: Gay Men And Forgiveness 1

Babies

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:


When the baby is old enough, they send it to school, where it spends twelve years being taught lies about how the world works so that one day it will be able to watch CNN and say “Yes, this makes perfect sense” instead of “This is ridiculous” or “Why does this whole entire thing seem completely fake?” or “I want to punch Chris Cuomo in the throat.” 

The baby is taught history, which is the study of the ancient, leftover propaganda from whichever civilization happened to win the wars in a given place at a given time. 

The baby is taught geography, so that later on when its country begins bombing another country, the baby’s country won’t be embarrassed if its citizens cannot find that country on a globe. 

The baby is taught obedience, and the importance of performing meaningless tasks in a timely manner. This prepares the baby for the half century of pointless gear-turning it will be expected to undertake after graduation. 

The baby is taught that it lives in a free country, with a legitimate electoral system which facilitates meaningful elections of actual representatives in a real government. It is never taught that those elections, representatives and government are all owned and operated by the very rich, who use them to ensure policies which make them even richer while keeping everyone else as poor as possible so that they won’t have to share political power. It is never taught that highly secretive intelligence and defense agencies form alliances with those rich people to advance murderous and exploitative agendas for profit and power. It is never taught that the things it sees on television are mostly lies. 

The baby is smoothly, seamlessly funneled from uterus to full-time employment through this system, often with a little religion mixed in to really drive home the importance of obedience and meekness and the nobility of poverty. From there the various screens in the baby’s life take over its continuing education, tightening the bolts of the propaganda cage and making sure that baby keeps turning those gears without asking too many questions. This continuing education continues until the baby dies in a mass shooting or nuclear holocaust, or of cancer from trying to numb the pain of living with cigarettes, or of liver failure from trying to numb the pain of living with alcohol, or of suicide because it just couldn’t take it anymore, or from its body and brain simply falling apart after a long, pointless, immensely unsatisfying life. 

So now you’ve got all these babies wandering around, just as confused and clueless as the day they were born, thinking thoughts they were told to think and believing beliefs they were told to believe. Some are better at feigning confidence than others, but one baby’s guess about what’s going on is really as good as the next baby’s. The only thing any of them have ever known is the stories that they have been told. 

So those stories get treated as something very important. All they’ve been taught to believe from womb to present moment tells them that it’s very important to keep turning those gears and walking in the same direction as all the other babies, so if all of a sudden one baby steps out of line and starts saying things like “Uhh, guys? We’re marching off a cliff of ecocide and omnicide. Maybe we should turn around?” or “It’s all a lie! We’re being exploited and deceived by an Orwellian oligarchy!”, that baby will usually sound crazy to all the other babies. 

“Shut up you crazy conspiracy theorist baby,” they might say.“We all agree on our story about what’s going on. Our parents told us the same story, our teachers told us the same story, the news man on TV told us the same story, and the politicians told us the same story. We can’t all be wrong!”

But of course they can, and they are.  All it takes is a dominant power structure wielding sufficient control of the stories that all the babies are told. 

Imagine, though, if one of the other babies stepped forward and said, 

“You know what? Maybe that baby is right. None of the stories we’re told have ever added up.  

How come voting never seems to make much difference no matter who we elect and our lives stay shitty even though we always vote for the politician who promises to make them better? 

How come the news man on TV is always telling us about a New Official Bad Guy we need to go bomb, and how come it always happens the same way each time?   

And how come they can always afford all those big fancy bombs while we’re getting poorer and poorer?” 

Then the story of total agreement would be disrupted. If another baby steps forward and does the same thing the story loses even more weight. If those babies get better at communicating with other babies, say with the invention of the internet, more and more babies start questioning the official stories they’ve been told since birth, and before long there’s no more herd mentality keeping all the babies moving in the same direction. 

But those gears still need turning if the rich are going to remain rich and powerful. So they come up with even more stories to restore authority to their old stories about what’s going on. Stories about Russian propaganda, stories about fake news, stories about “useful idiots”, a term applied to babies who believe different stories from the ones they were taught by their parents and teachers and the news man. They do this because they know if they no longer have widespread consensus giving the illusion of credibility to their stories, they’re going to have to start relying on facts and evidence.

And that won’t go well for them at all. 

And now the babies are growing restless. The babies are growing cranky. The old lullabies aren’t keeping them asleep anymore.

The babies are waking up. The babies are growing up. Soon the babies won’t be babies anymore. Soon the babies will be able to tell their own stories. True stories. What will happen to those gears then? What will happen to the machines they power? The answer to that question is why the rich have been fighting so hard for so long to sing the old lullabies, and keep the babies asleep.

-----"Babies", by Caitlin Johnstone, Medium.com July 4, 2018


FuelMix says:  She's right.


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Read This

Spotted on Tumblr by FuelMix:

(Formatting by FuelMix)

It’s so lonely being gay. It’s the most lonely fucking thing in the world. I don’t care what people say, it is. Unless you are a white, muscular, movie star looking man who has thousands of Instagram followers you are ignored and lonely.

The “fat” gay guys or gay men of color or trans gay men very very rarely get portrayed in the media as people who get a happy ending. We get ignored. We are fighting for equality among straight people but within the community we all treat each other like shit. It’s filled with nothing but labels.

We should be a united front. I shouldn’t have fear and severe anxiety of going up and just even talking to another gay guy because I have been rejected so many times by them. I wish I could make you all understand how lonely it is when you come out and face rejection from your family for coming out and then get rejected by gay men for how you look.

My heart is broken and I feel like I belong no where. I know I am only one out of millions of other gay guys who feel ignored and rejected by the rest of the community.

Gay men of color matter. Plus size gay men matter. Trans gay men matter. Closeted gay men matter.

Don’t you dare wave that Pride flag if you don’t support the right of every gay man in your community. We are here and we matter. It isn’t all a white muscle contest.


FuelMix says:

And the anger builds.  Correctly.

Gay Men And Forgiveness 1

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

Sex is easy. Intimacy is hard. Having spent so much of my life sexually frustrated, I didn’t realize how true this is until after a painful breakup with my ex, Kay.

I partially came out at 20. I came out more fully at twenty-five. But I didn’t really properly date until I was 29. Which means I had about a 10-year lag on most heterosexuals. The romantic and sexual experiences that most other people go through earlier, I went through later, but with the same emotionally undeveloped tools as an adolescent. 

So when I met Kay, I rushed in. I felt too much, too fast, and then we fell apart. 

This happens to straight people too of course. But I think our straight peers have the advantage of a larger culture that better equips them to deal with romantic failure. They receive mentorship either directly from friends or family, or indirectly from media, on how to recover from a failed relationship. 

At least for me, I spent much of my adolescence and early adulthood having my own sexual interests dismissed. And so when I finally found a guy who provided the fulfillment of a meaningful relationship, and then had my heart broken, I felt like there was never a point to it. I was rejected by straight culture, and now I’d been rejected by my own. I gave up on any kind of “happily ever after.” 

For a full week after Kay and I ended, I barely left my apartment and just sat streaming videos. I burned through all of True Detective and much of The Wire. Cocktail hour started at sunrise. I deleted him from my phone. I felt lonely all the time. I still do sometimes, though I’m better now at managing it.

Everyone at some point finds themselves feeling abandoned, as though alone in a boat. But as a gay man, I felt adrift, with neither rudder, oar, nor sail, as I watched my straight peers move on ahead. They too went through many of the same struggles, but always seemed to recover better and faster, while I bobbed around at the whim of the waves, traveling each way and none. 

I pursued myriad shallow relationships, rather than investing and losing too much by giving too much to one person. There are ten guys in my list of contacts with the last name “OKCupid.” There are 23 with the last name “Grindr”. For one of them, as a first name I just wrote “Some Dude.” Those are just the ones who made it into my contacts. 

I found lots of opportunities for easy sex, but didn’t push for anything more from the guys I met. 

I even hooked up with the same guy twice and didn’t even realize I’d had sex with him before until, as we were undressing, I recognized a familiar birthmark otherwise hidden by underwear. I still don’t know his name. 

Kay and I lived in the same city, which meant that we would run into each other occasionally. Each time it had been painful to pretend that we were strangers. As two gay men between the age of twenty and forty living in a small city, we were going to share space. We’ve probably shared lovers. But the isolation we’d brought on ourselves had been its own kind of burden. Even worse than the break up itself. The breakup happened and ended. The loneliness that came from going unacknowledged dragged on and on. 

Recently, I was wrapping up breakfast with a man I’d been seeing for eight months. (Both of us had been cautious—we hadn’t had the “boyfriend” talk. Love comes more slowly the second time around.) I received a text with the name heading: New Contact Found: Maybe Kay.

When I got the text, beginning, “Hi, this is Kay,” I felt fearful, anxious and angry. I looked at the calendar: It had been three years and two days since our first date. 

Kay was texting to say that he was sorry for how he had treated our relationship. For years, this was what I had most wanted from Kay. I didn’t want him to beg for forgiveness, or tell me that he loved me, I just wanted him to see that how we ended had left me hurt. But, even more than that, I wanted him to recognize that we had, once, been important to each other. 

The funny thing was, once Kay apologized to me, I realized I could do the same for him. There were things about our relationship that I was sorry for. I had done things I regretted, and had wanted to apologize for, but hadn’t because I thought it would make me look like a chump. I was the one who got dumped. So why should I be the one to say I was sorry? 

But after this exchange, I could feel my anger and resentment toward Kay evaporating. He had been trying to identify what was important to him, and had realized that he needed to take better care of his relationships. It was not something that came easily to him, but he was trying to do better. 

I felt that he meant what he wrote, and I made the choice to believe him. Mostly because I’ve been feeling the same way. And acknowledging that it, and each other, has let me release a lot of weight I’d been dragging around ever since we split. Yes, I had been avoiding Kay. But I had also been avoiding my own fears of intimacy. 

I’d tried to dodge every single guy I’d ever been on so much as a date with, which meant strategizing how to best navigate an ever growing minefield of discarded lovers. Sure, when Kay and I crossed paths we pretended we didn’t know each other, but I’d been doing that with everyone who’d shared my bed. 

Recently, I reached out to another ex after a chance encounter in a thrift store. When I saw Luis in the store, I spun around and walked out. Almost immediately I felt embarrassed and went back inside to apologize, but he had already left, or else was hiding in the dressing room. So I texted him to say how sorry I was that I had avoided him. That the next time I saw him I would say hello. 

Kay and I will probably never be friends. We don’t need to be. But at least we aren’t strangers any more. We can say hello when we see each other in the street. I even opened up my contacts and put his name back in.

-----"Dealing with Rejection: Living openly and learning to forgive", by Cirrus Wood, Beta, October 11, 2017


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Here & Hereafter 2

5.  The Deathwalk
6.  Fags And Dignity
7.  Who's Gonna Remember Me..?

The most enlightened communities have always comprehended that there was the present life, the act of death and the hereafter.

5.   The Deathwalk

1.  In Shamanic cultures, Buddhism, Hinduism, ancient Egypt, Inca and Maya there is the practice of the “deathwalk”. On a person’s deathbed, an intermediary stays with them, entering into a meditative trance-like state to accompany the deceased’s spirit to the other side and then return, having safely delivered them into the Light. It is one of the most noble acts a person could do, a mark of the utmost respect and dignity to the person passing over. 

6.   Fags and Dignity

1.  Fags constantly clamour for dignity only to degrade each other - whether online or to their face, or behind their backs. How many little deaths must a fag endure in his “community”? Is his buffed bod just an armor plating for a whimpering spirit cowering in the recesses of a wounded psyche?  

2.  An outrageous claim fags make is that they are a “community”. That’s a lie. A “community” implies cohesion. How can there be cohesion when the community consists of so many individually wounded, fractured psyches? FuelMix has often been left speechless at the numbers of deeply lonely, sexually abused, fundamentally unhappy fags, some quite young, for whom living in Fagland (either as a postal code or a state of mind) is a daily accumulation of financial, social and emotional degradation culminating in a fundamental lack of self-worth. 

3.  There’s no doubt those are the walking wounded and the living dead. Where is that special person who will guide them through their “deathwalk”, that long night of the soul when incessant Fagland pain finally transfigures them into someone stronger, more noble, more resilient, more at peace with themselves...? 

4.  Anonymity, casual social and sexual encounters are touted as the norm in Fagland. But maybe the norm is the perversion. The frenetic superficiality takes its toll. Nobody says what they mean. Nobody means what they say. So how much is an obituary for a dead fag really worth...? 

7.   Who's Gonna Remember Me....?

1.  Maybe Obituary TV (as mentioned in Here And Hereafter 1) isn't such a bad idea. It  might encourage fags to record something other than their genitals.  Maybe Obituary TV is technology’s clumsy way of returning to the myth of the sacred – the reverence for one’s life, the life of others and the life beyond. 

2.  Maybe Obituary TV is the wake-up call to all of us to polish up the Resume of our lives – something that we can live by, point to and be proud of. Perhaps Gay Pride of the future will not just be a global festival for the circuit party boy or the carnival float queen, but the commemoration of Legacy for the gay lives that have gone before. 

3.  Nobody wants to feel forgotten.  Nobody wants to feel irrelevant.  Nobody wants to feel degraded. Nobody wants to die anonymous. The fag’s hedonistic lifestyle of amnesia-inducing anonymous sex, may be the cheap substitute – and the very antithesis - for what his spirit quietly craves....authentic intimacy, acceptance, honesty, trust and surrender.

 4.  They don’t call an orgasm “the little death” for nothing.  It’s the closest the lonely gay man comes to dying in someone’s arms.  

Originally published 20 December 2007.  

Amended and republished 6 February 2012 | 7 January 2014 | 25 December 2017

 
Copyright © 2006 – 2017 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Here & Hereafter 1

1.  The Individual Anthem
2.  How Fags Deal With Death
3.  The Fag's Final Moments
4.  The Emptiness Of Fagland   
5.  The Deathwalk
6.  Fags And Dignity
7.  Who's Gonna Remember Me..?

Back in 2008, a German TV station became the world's first to specialize in death. For a fee, it broadcasts video obituaries of one's friends and relatives so that their lives may be celebrated on satellite TV. In addition, there are documentaries about death and bereavement as well as hymns. It's a brave concept. Even with a rapidly ageing populations death is such a taboo.

1.   The Individual Anthem

1.  Speaking of hymns, fags have their own too. Fags belt out Broadway show tunes, sing torchsongs or gyrate to the latest dance anthem club mix from the hottest DJ. But...how many fags have an individual anthem for their lives?  

2.  In some African village societies, when a woman gets pregnant, she composes a song for the child she’s carrying. She sings it to the child throughout the pregnancy and teaches it to the other villagers. They gather around and sing that song when the child is born – it’s one of the first sounds the child hears as they enter the world. During childhood, the child is taught to sing for themselves their special song. Their song is performed by the village during milestones of the child’s life. As the child grows older and becomes an adult, they sing that special song to themselves in moments of fear and despair as a reminder of their uniqueness and of the love that surrounds them.  

3. When they’re dying, the entire village, steeped in a history of oral tradition, recollects that person's accomplishments and the milestones of their life. The village gathers around the deathbed and sings that individual’s special song. It’s one of the last sounds the person hears as they leave this world. 

2.   How Fags Deal With Death

Fags deal with death in 3 ways:

(1)   death is seen as an accusation, a laying of blame, a bureaucratic failure that jacked the statistics of fatalities in a marginalized sub-culture e.g. political ineptitude, lack of funding, lack of hospice care, lack of “safe” sex, "a hate crime", or the fag cheated on someone, or deliberately infected people in the past  and now got what he deserved.  

(2)  death is seen as a Politically Correct decorative event with the publicity, the politicians, the celebs and the photo ops.  On cue fags burn candles, wear lapel pins, hang banners, unveil plaques, throw glitzy charity benefits.  

(3)   death is seen as the inevitable result of a ghetto-steeped, less than stellar lifestyle, which ended prematurely or predictably.  

3.   The Fag's Final Moments

1.  The fag dies. If he’s lucky, some of his adopted “social family” will be there in his final moments, a few tears will be shed. He turns cold. They hold a funeral and maybe a memorial. The “family” grieves. The act of death is final. Life goes on and back they go to the clubs, the bars, the drugs. 

4.   The Emptiness of Fagland

1.  For all its diversions, (clubbing, gym, porn surfing, online chatting, drugging, overdosing, shopping, cruising, happy-houring, after-partying, whoring, hustling, thieving, borrowing, going broke, back stabbing) Fagland contains nothing as an empowering rite of passage. Getting fucked bareback in the alley behind the dumpster doesn't count, neither does that blowjob in the stairwell of that building. It’s one large amusement park 24/7 where everybody is - and is on - a joyride. No wonder Fagland is stuffed with chronic under-achievers. 

2.  Other than last year's fashion, clubbing and optional gym classes, there's nothing now in Fagland that serve as milestones of accomplishments in a fag’s life.  For all the crowing in Lamestream Gay Media, there’s little sense on a daily basis of legacy, individual or collective, that transcends the present rush for hedonism.  

3.  Yes, we know all about Stonewall, Harvey Milk, which saunas were closed down or burnt down, the gay singers who drugged or fucked themselves to death, the closet cases, the gay men who were arrested, tortured and executed, the gay writers and composers, quality gay cinema, gays serving in the military.  We've watched all this politically correct wailing about the "need for equality" via gay marriage (which at the end of the day was only about money)  We've already pointed out that the farther gays stay from the concept of "marriage", and all the religious bias it bring to the table, the better.  Civil Union is the way to go.  Separate but equal.  Try telling that to a fag looking to hitch a ride on a political bandwagon.  We agree, some of these events are milestones.....but what's happening now...?

4.  And now we're watching the startling ascendancy of Politically Correct, near-militant Faggotry and the imposition of minority diktat on society.  What started out 40 years ago as a quest for individual freedom, self-expression and respect, has morphed into near-totalitarian suppression of an alternative or dissenting view on Faggotry.  Is THAT the legacy an independently thinking gay man should be accepting..?

5.  So......the dead fag becomes another statistic. His friends clean out the apartment and send his stuff back to his Mom or his sister. They share some of his stuffed toys, divide the porn collection, chuck out the dildos and the stained underwear, quietly pick up the laptop (the less his family knows what's on his hard drive, the better).  Should somebody tell that BF who shows up once a week........?  What's his name again.....?

6.  The landlord rents out the place to someone else.  

COMING UP IN PART 2:
5.  The Deathwalk
6.  Fags And Dignity
7.  Who's Gonna Remember Me..?

Originally published 20 December 2007.  
Amended and republished 31 January 2012 | 7 January 2014 | 25 December 2017


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Slightly Off Key

FuelMix learned that a fag in his 20s, with whom he was only peripherally acquainted, had died near Christmas. The cause of death was double pneumonia, so FuelMix was told.

At the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation), fags were all-a-twitter concocting a suitable memorial and reminiscing about him in between expressing Seasonal Greetings. It all felt slightly odd (especially as nobody could recall his surname). FuelMix listened quietly, comparing their recollections of the dead fag with his.

Dead fag was described as “always friendly”, having done “so much for the community” and “the life of the party”. Fair enough. FuelMix doesn’t recall getting pissed off with him and was aware that dead fag had done regular charity work.

But calling him “the life of the party” required clarification. FuelMix recalled hearing how the dead fag regularly showed up at the bar mid-afternoon, drunk and stoned, bragging that he had skipped work. Apparently dead fag was quite the tweaker and very chem friendly. By all accounts, he was also a major whore,  whether paid or unpaid, known to party for days at a time. Nobody knew his health status but there were rumours.........

FuelMix watched as a gang of dead fag's friends, led by drag queens, dedicated a candle in his memory and placed it on the Christmas Tree. The bar was crowded with twinks. This would have been the perfect time to remind fag 20 somethings, that they’re not indestructible, that life is precious, vibrant and fragile.

Or, that ultimately, one must take responsibility for one's actions and pay the price. Sometimes prematurely.

But no…..the music thumped, the drinks flowed, the superficial camaraderie continued, the drug deals went down and the hustlers prowled.

FuelMix gazed at the tinsel and the twinkling lights. Something told him this wouldn't be the only eulogy for a young dead fag recited around a Christmas tree this year.

Originally published 5 January 2007
Amended and Republished 7 December 2013 | 22 December 2015 | 24 December 2017


Copyright © 2006 – 2017 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Affection, Cuddles And Kisses

Our (entirely unscientific, but probably correct) observations suggest that when we look into many gay men's eyes, we see:

• profound sadness;
• an emptiness;
• a longing for authenticity;
• a weariness with "the lifestyle" with no other options;
• more questions than answers;
• anger and betrayal;
• a secret wish for someone special to whom they could speak sacred Truth other than "stats"...?

Somebody observed that one of the most frustrating things is that there are more single people on the planet wanting a relationship - yet for all the technology, the dating agencies, the bars, the speed dating, the casual hookups, it's become harder to actually meet someone that's right for you. (And that's not counting the Gay Exclusionary Barriers like  Age, Looks, Body Type, Ethnicity, HIV status).

Happily single as FuelMix is for now (you never know who might come along...) trust us, dear reader, we've been through our own patented, private hell attempting to figure out the who..?, what..?, why..?, why me..? and WTF..?!! moments of swimming in a predatory, debauched, drug-fucked, dismissive, racist, politically correct, dysfunctional, jaded, potentially fatal, Gay Ocean - with no Lifeguard in sight.

Apparently this is where they all went :

As a gift of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to those drowning in anguish, we offer the following:

• All Things Gay And Cute; 
• Gay Cuddles And Kisses;

Copyright © 2006 – 2017 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Gay Men's Addiction to Pain 4

9.   All Of Fagland Is A Stage
10. Awareness And Realization
11. Understanding Your Own Ignorance
12. The Double Bind

9.   All Of Fagland Is A Stage

1.  If we are correct in our suspicion that within Fagland, there is a "Group Mind" by way of Cialdini's "Social Proof" which governs an individual gay man's reaction to Pain, then 3 things must follow:

1. Fagland is a 3D Hologram that has been pre-programmed by the Macrocosm dictates of Faggotry;
2. As convincing and "real" as it appears, it is an artifice of social hypnosis;
3. The gay man plays his part in this hypnotic Hologram.  He's just an actor who hasn't realized that every time he feels pain as a result of what some other fag did to him (or what he did to someone) - and shoots from stimulus to response - he's just playing a scene (and so is the other guy);

10.   Awareness and Realization

1.  When the average gay man becomes aware of:

• the existence of a space between Stimulus and Response; AND 
• the hypnotic nature of the 3D Faggotry Hologram;

that awareness will lead to the realization that he has - and has always had - the choice to shift his behaviour away from "the community" script i.e. he can move out of Reaction and into his own individual and considered Response.

2.  He will start to break the pattern of Faggotry's dictated conditioned reactions.  It won't come easy.  He'll  be scorned and shunned by other fags (some of whom he might regard as "family") who are too trapped in "the lifestyle" or too stupid, or too Politically Correct  (and / or drug-fucked) to perceive alternative emotional behaviour.


11.   Understanding Your Own Ignorance

1.  The trick is in understanding one's own ignorance. In the Principles of Faggotry series, we observed that the fag has the answers to everybody's else's problems, but hasn't a fuckin' clue how to deal with his own.

2.  For the perceptually challenged fag, the crux of the matter is:

• to acknowledge that a behavioural addiction to emotional pain exists;
• that Faggotry has actively encouraged the addiction to emotional pain;
• he has the right to move out of Reaction and into Response at any time;

12.   The Double Bind

1.  We feel sad for the average fag.  Faggotry has done a stellar job of locking him into a double bind of Ignorance.  He cannot let go of something - the addiction to emotional Pain - that he doesn't acknowledge  AND  doesn't even know exists.

2.  As the scientist R. Buckminster Fuller observed, you can't get out of the way of something you cannot see.  That's why so many perceptually blind fags repeatedly hit brick walls courtesy of their addiction to emotional pain.  They're just following a behavioural script that has become so deeply ingrained they can't see an alternative.

3.  Perhaps it is now a little clearer why we have long maintained that in order to be an independently thinking gay man, it is necessary to be homophobic by the standards of conventional Faggotry.

4.  Seriously, just how many addictions does a fag need....??

Originally published 28 October 2014
Republished 3 May 2016

Copyright © 2006 – 2016  FuelMix All Rights Reserved 

Gay Men's Addiction to Pain 3

6.   The Relationship Between Stimulus And Response
7.   The Gay Man's Wounded Psyche
8.   What You Don't Know - The Ignorance Faggotry Exploits


6.   The Relationship Between Stimulus And Response

1.  When confronted with the cheap, nasty, crass, lying, unreliable behaviour of another fag, the average gay man who is on the receiving end of it, is unable to stand back mentally and emotionally.  He is unable to perceive a profound truth: the relationship between Stimulus and Response.

2.  Steven Covey (author of 7 Habits of Highly Successful People and other books) observed that between a Stimulus and Response is a space. He said that great power comes to those who recognize that space - and from within that space, choose their Response.

3.  This is where the vast majority of gay men fail. 

4.  The entire institution of conventional Faggotry is Reactive - the Engine of Faggotry demands it at a Macrocosm level under the umbrella of "Outrage".

5.  At the Microcosm level, whether on the streets of Fagland or the person's state of mind (or both), the reactive response is: the automatic outrage / anger / insult / vengeance / the put-down / the practiced lie compounding on itself / the smear and bad mouthing / the absolutely shitty manners / the (en)forced Political Correctness / the suffering in silence / the Code of Silence /  [add your choice of underwhelming reaction].


7.  The Gay Man's Wounded Psyche

1.  If we are correct in our observations, the gay man lives his Fagland life:

• hyper-vigilant for actual or assumed slurs, slights and insults;
• hyper-sensitive against intrusions to his "dignity", the "rightness" of his arguments;
• hyper-paranoid with an utter lack of trust in himself and others in "the community";
• hyper-insecure about his relevance, his body image, his suitability as a Significant Other;

2.  He and every other fag in Fagland are in the same hyper state - finger on the emotional trigger to attack, condemn, shriek, insult, bad mouth, shun, disappear, cheat, infect, lie.......

3.  The gay community is nothing more than an Emotional Circular Firing Squad.  Everyone shoots each other.  Mutually Assured Destruction.

4.  That's why we've said before that Fagland is not "a community".  It's a collection of deeply wounded, shattered psyches,  repeatedly tortured by each others behaviour every fuckin' day - whether out on the streets or in cyber.


8.   What You Don't Know - The Ignorance Faggotry Exploits

1.  The ability to:

• detach from the emotional pain;
• see the distinction between Stimulus and Response; and 
• then choose the Response;

-----has long since evaporated in Fagland.

2.  What's more, when the gay man looks around in Fagland and sees everybody else doing the same things and having the same reactions, a perverse form of "Social Proof" (to borrow from Robert Cialdini's work, Influence - The Psychology of Persuasion) sets in.  He assumes that the collective response within "the community" is exactly how he should feel and respond.

3.  The notion that there could be an alternative (and potentially more empowering) choice between the Stimulus and the Response doesn't even compute.

4.  Remember, independent thought in Faggotry and Fagland is not encouraged. Emotional Pain is a very effective social control tool. 

 UPLOADING MORE IN PART 4......... 

Originally published 28 October 2014
Republished 3 May 2016

Copyright © 2006 – 2016 FuelMix All Rights Reserved 

Gay Men's Addiction to Pain 2

4.   An Alternative Definition Of Gay Diversity...?
5.   Spectrum Of Emotional Pain - Common Theme 

4.   An Alternative Definition of Gay Diversity.....?

1.   We've long suspected that the "diversity" about which Fagland crows, is actually a bunch of people sharing gradations of imposed or self-inflicted emotional pain.  There's that sado-masochism again.  That pain runs the full spectrum from shrieking hypersensitivity, to cynical flippancy, to that clean cut gay boy next door seething inside, to the utterly numb operating on automatic simply as a means of coping.  And all that with - or without - the drugs.


5.   Spectrum Of Emotional Pain - Common Theme

1.   The common theme in that spectrum of emotional pain (see the list in Part 1) is that initially, it feels pretty good, triumphant even.  But it's  a false sense of self-respect. It soon morphs into a cringing gut-wrenching debilitation that leaves the gay man hollowed out. 

2.   Chronic anger and despair sets in.  Searching for answers, he zeros in with a photographic memory of every person in every encounter (real, cyber or imagined) that pissed him off, enraged him, emasculated him, insulted him, betrayed him, cheated him, infected him, rejected him, dumped him, shunned him.

3.   Focused on the details, he can't see the forest for the trees. He reacts to the pain and becomes addicted to it.  He associates Pain as the necessary collateral for being a gay man in "the community".

4.   It is an entirely false reaction and association - but one that every gay man has sucked and swallowed more than cock.

Originally published 28 October 2014
Republished 22 April 2016

COMING UP IN PART 3......... 
 
6.  The Relationship Between Stimulus And Response
7.  The Gay Man's Wounded Psyche
8.  What You Don't Know - The Ignorance Faggotry Exploits

Copyright © 2006 – 2016 FuelMix All Rights Reserved 

Gay Men's Addiction to Pain 1

1.   What Conventional Faggotry Will Never Admit
2.   Faggotry: As Is The Macrocosm, So Is The Microcosm 
3.   Spectrum Of Emotional Pain 

1.  What Conventional Faggotry Will Never Admit

Let's  take stock of what this blog has (accurately) accomplished:

• We've written at length about fags' underwhelming behaviour online; and
• We've chronicled the jaw-dropping stupidity of their antics when dealing with them personally; and
• We've  highlighted the intra-gay discrimination via ageism, "lookism" and racism; and
• We've pointed out the chronic irrationality of a drug-fuelled suicidal "lifestyle"; and
• We've never hidden our contempt for the Politically Correct Liberal-Fascist Fag who operates on "Outrage"; and
• We've observed that Faggotry is a sub-standard global behavioural franchise; and
• We've maintained that there are distinct emotional and behavioural differences between an independently thinking gay man and a fag;
• We've said that in order to be a successful, independently thinking gay man, one has to be homophobic by the standards of conventional Faggotry;

What are we getting at.....?  Pretty simple.

For all the drink, drugs, sexual, porn, gym, fashion and travel distractions, large numbers of fags are in pain.

And that pain is emotional.


2.  Faggotry : As is the Macrocosm, so is the Microcosm

1.   We're happy to admit that we are no friends of conventional Faggotry or its politically correct dictates. On several occasions we referred to the Engine of Faggotry and its chronic posture of institutionalized aggression which on cue, triggers a Pavlovian response of screeching outrage, condemnation, intimidation and boycotts.

2.   We're not denigrating the gay history of exploitation.  We're just baffled why we still need to carry this emotional baggage around in our cargo shorts and exhibit it at every opportunity.  The entire politically correct, Liberal-Fascist Faggotry ethos is predicated on Pain - either enduring it or inflicting it.  Over and over again.

3.   It is this pervasive sense of Pain that has seeped into the behavioural codex of many gay men. The Microcosm of the gay diaspora is merely a reflection of the Macrocosm mindset of Faggotry.  It is our contention that many gays don't have the first fuckin' clue why they act the way they do - whether online or in person.  If they do, it usually won't go beyond politically correct dictates or peer pressure or a highly distorted, utterly subjective anger fuelled "analysis".  Chances are they will totally deny the possibility that they might be in emotional pain.

4.   (In the Principles of Faggotry series, we stated that the reason gay men travel so much, is because they're constantly fleeing from one state of denial to another.....).

5.   It's accurate to say that the behaviour of many gay men online and in person, is underwhelming. Most operate in a  limited bandwidth of awareness.  Either they haven't yet defined their identity as a gay man (whatever their age), or have trapped themselves in "the lifestyle" unquestionably absorbing its demands, dogma, diatribe and deceit.  The Code of Silence in Fagland is very, very strong and - so we keep hearing - quite coercive.


3.   Spectrum of Emotional Pain (not an exhaustive list)

1.   When one stands back and reviews the:

• arrogance
• aggression
• rejection
• shunning
• evasion
• lying
• fake stats
• endless emails
• failed online hookups
• addictions -  to chem, porn, social media, online hookup sites
• drug pushing
• bitchy or venomous online and personal behaviour
• bad mouthing
• exploitation
• passive-aggression
• "don't ask, don't tell" in "relationships"
• incessant petty dramas
• infidelity and betrayal 
• vengeance
• selfishness
• the sense of shallow triumph 
• the racism
• the political correctness
• (smug over-pricing in gay retail......)

one has to ask.......why in fuck's name would any gay man make "a lifestyle choice" - purportedly based on "Pride" - but which is indisputably bitter, coercive, debilitating, destructive, corrosive.....and frequently fatal....??  (If it's homophobic to point out that truth, we'll take the risk).

2.   Just like the Engine of Faggotry, those behavioural traits operate as a self-perpetuating feedback loop.  And what's worse, they're passed down from one generation of gay man to another - without anybody asking "why....??" or "WTF is going on here.....??!!".

3.   Fagland - whether as a postal code or a state of mind, or both - is an emotionally gated gulag, where pleasure is the pretense  AND the justification for some of the most outrageous Emotional Sado-Masochism in a documented sub-culture.

4.   In other words:

DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU HATED HAVING DONE UNTO YOU

5.  In Principles of Faggotry 65, we said this:

"Many ghetto fags who claim that they consciously came out of the closet, are unconsiously living in an emotionally gated community.  Look closely and it's clear that Pride and Loathing are always found together in the gay ghetto".

6.  It doesn't get any more dysfunctional than that.

Originally published 28 October 2014
Amended and Republished 21 April 2016

COMING UP IN PART 2: 

4.  An Alternative Definition Of Gay Diversity..?
5.  Spectrum Of Emotional Pain - Common Theme

Copyright © 2006 – 2016 FuelMix All Rights Reserved 

After Healing, Bless Your Scars

In Here And Hereafter 2, we said this:

"2.   Fags and Dignity

Fags constantly clamour for dignity only to degrade each other - whether online or to their face, or behind their backs. How many little deaths must a fag endure in his “community”? Is his buffed bod just an armor plating for a whimpering spirit cowering in the recesses of a wounded psyche?  

An outrageous claim fags make is that they are a “community”. That’s a lie. A “community” implies cohesion. How can there be cohesion when the community consists of so many individually wounded, fractured psyches? FuelMix has often been left speechless at the numbers of deeply lonely, fundamentally unhappy fags, some quite young, for whom living in Fagland (either as a postal code or a state of mind) is a daily accumulation of financial, social and emotional degradation culminating in a fundamental lack of self-worth."


And then, we spotted this.....
Underlining and bold print by FuelMix:

Every wound leaves a physical scar that is different in appearance from your normal skin. It is a lasting reminder that there was once a broken place there which is now healed. Every emotional wound also creates a scar, one that is invisible in the physical world, but very real in the emotional and energetic reality. While physical scars no longer hurt, emotional scars do and they can either be lasting reminders of your pain or confirmations of your healing, growth, and transformation. After healing, bless your scars so their message is one of positive, loving acknowledgement of your transition into wholeness and that your healing is truly complete.

Physical scars are created by the body to replace the skin that has been damaged and they do not look like regular skin. The wound has forever changed the body’s integrity and the scar is a reminder of that healing that occurred there. It brings the skin into wholeness but not by creating an environment that is wound free. Emotional and energetic scars are a similar reminder of a wound that has forever changed the integrity of the energy and emotions in a situation, and within your life path, and they also remind you that this was a place for healing and confirm that healing has occurred.

Scars return the physical, energetic, and emotional bodies into wholeness but not by creating something that allows you to forget that the wound happened. Instead, they remind you that there was once a wound that has now healed so you use the energy of the wound as a source of information. Without the memory of the wound, which created by the scar, it would be easy to repeat lessons again and again because there would be no reminder of the lesson. With the scar there is a permanent reminder of the healing that has been achieved, and by blessing the scar you integrate its lessons that you no longer have to repeat.

Healing and wholeness cannot occur without scars because you require reminders of your journey. But scars are a blessing, not a punishment, as they confirm wholeness and integrity, but not by returning your physical, emotional, and energetic body to your pre-wound condition. Wounds are confirmation of your willingness to fulfill your soul mission and risk being hurt; scars confirm that you were hurt but you have healed and are now re-covered in new levels of understanding.

If you try to heal by not getting wounded, you will never be willing to risk the fullness of any lesson because they all have the potential for wounding. If you see the scars of confirmations of the wounds instead of the healing and return to wholeness, you will see them as a reminder of the pain and forget that they are a sign of your wholeness and new levels of integration.

Bless your scars, all of them, because they represent steps on your journey that you had the courage to take and the strength to overcome. Every lesson will create wounds, places where your lessons were not easily mastered and every wound has a scar, which is a lasting reminder of the battles you have won, and the new levels of understanding you have arrived at victoriously.


---"After Healing, Bless Your Scars" February 24 2016, Copyright (c) 2016 by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved.  You may quote, translate, reprint or refer to this message if you mention the author name and include a working link to:  http://enlighteninglife.com