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FuelMix - ATTITUDE AND ILLUMINATION

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Showing posts with label Gay Bromance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gay Bromance. Show all posts

Monday, August 06, 2018

Dead Man Dancing

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties
2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue
3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous 
4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties
5.  "Manageability"

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties 

1.  There’s no shortage of gay media coverage of the mega-gay dance parties and raves held around the rainbow universe. Ski Week, Fleet Week, White Party, Black And Blue Party, Pride Week etc. Not only do they serve as circuit pilgrimages – the Fag Haj where the recently converted meet the faithful, the faithful meet the true believers and the true believers meet the High Queens and DJ Gods – but they also attract fag celebs, porn stars, porn talent scouts and the assorted ass trash that passes as a wannabe’s entourage.

2.  It’s easy to get swept up in the whole thing – the non-stop partying, the crush of sweaty guys, the dizzying array of bulging muscle, the slick dance moves, that relentless beat, the strobes, losing all sense of time, the blowjobs on the dancefoor – and the chemical and amphetamine canapés so generously offered as communion.


2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue

1.  Many gay mega-dance parties loudly tout that a portion of their proceeds will go for AIDS care. Sounds hunky dory right..? Until it gets put into context.


3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous

1.  The gay media message about HIV/AIDS is ambiguous and ambivalent. It has 3 concurrent streams:

2.  First, there was no sign of a vaccine. Now we're told one's either available, or very shortly will be.

3.  Second, AIDS is “manageable” via a smorgasbord of medication. The term “manageable” infuriates FuelMix. It’s a politically correct synonym for coping at less than optimum levels with something chronic. It ignores the wretched physical anguish that accompanies AIDS. Insidiously, it perpetuates the acceptability of human suffering via polite nomenclature. FuelMix has more to say about “manageable” further on in this post.

4.  Third, fags are getting infected at much earlier ages.


4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties

1.  Gay mega-dance parties are tons of fun. But the warm and fuzzy feeling that fags get by being told that a portion of the proceeds go for AIDS and HIV, are offset by the entrenched culture of drug-taking at those parties. Those drugs are consumed for the sole purpose of evaporating inhibitions and making the fag more sexual. The impaired judgment leads to unsafe practices and the fag gets infected.

2.  So the gay rave is not only a rite of passage, but also a viral roulette game to bet on whether the fag makes it from Twink to Thirty.

3.  But consider this. FuelMix hasn’t seen very much being done about fags and their drug addictions. Why? Because fags have convinced themselves that they are “recreational drug users”. Ergo, there’s no problem.

4.  So, the commonly seen drug-fucked sexual judgment at gay raves is the product that keeps the raves in business, attracts thousands of fags, and provides the perfect opportunity for organizers and sponsors to market their altruistic side by doling out a bit for HIV and AIDS while ignoring the drug issue.

5.  Therefore, the link between addiction and infection becomes extremely profitable and politically correct.


5.  "Manageability"

1.  Back to the issue of “manageability”. Note the similarity between taking a drug cocktail for HIV/AIDS and taking a drug cocktail at raves. Both are for manageability. One is for managing survival. The other is for managing escapism.

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. FuelMix has nothing against mega-gay raves and after-parties (other than cringing at the idea of being seen downtown in club wear and glow sticks at 8 am by his alarmed office buddies in suits and briefcases).

See also:


Originally published 9 January 2009
Amended and Republished 2 July 2013 | 6 August 2018 

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Friday, August 03, 2018

Spasmodic Autism

Fag places an online ad, or hangs his dick and torso on an app. Other fags respond, pics and all. Then, chat room window or talk bubble on the app goes ominously quiet.  No acknowledgement. 

Zip. Zero. Nada. 

A culture of silence and cover up, worthy of a sequel to the Da Vinci Code, and just as ungodly. Why is that...?

FuelMix has already referred to the generic inability of ghetto fags to properly confront almost any situation. See the post, Avoidance And Aversion. Sadly, ignoring responses, is far more widespread.


Fags argue that placing an online ad is like sitting at a bar – you’re gonna attract attention, some of which you don’t want and therefore, ignoring is legitimate and part of the online game. 


Bullshit. 

The analogy is completely false. The fag is the one who placed the ad seeking attention and often, expressly inviting a response right down to a specific type of guy, ethnicity, dick size, date, time and place. How many fags do you know sashaying into a bar with stats and an ultimatum of preference and place written across their foreheads...?

Other fags say that there’s no need to respond to those you don’t want, because the game is an online casino. You come in, play, take your chances. 


Agreed – but walk into any casino in Vegas or Macau, not only will you see whether you’ve won or lost, but the hostess at the gaming table will tell you up front.

Some fags say they don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. 


Oh please. 

Whether it’s a single e-mail response that is left hanging, or, back and forth e-mails or chat on an app, that suddenly collapse without the courtesy of a reason, silence is a cop out and reeks of sly cowardice. The damage has already been done - often with assumed, or actual unspoken malice.

Those fags who deliberately ignore a response to their ad, should apply for disability and special needs. FuelMix would also like to see a handicapped sticker next to their online ads.


Hence the title of this post.

What makes it even more astonishing is that those readers now in their 20s who were just kids when this post was originally published in 2006, are the newest generation of fucked-up flakes with attitude.

See also what FuelMix wrote about "Ghosting", in the post, Beaming Myself Out, Fag. 
 

Originally published 20 May 2006
Amended and Republished 3 August 2018

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Monday, July 30, 2018

Adultery

To:

Those gay men who claim to be married or have a boyfriend, or claim to be, or think they are, in a relationship, but are sleeping around:

  • with consent of the other partner;
  • with the assumed consent of the other partner;  
  • without the consent of their partner;
  • without disclosing or discussing what they're up to;
  • on the basis of "don't ask, don't tell";
  • assuming their partner is also sleeping around;
  • or just flat out lying about what they're up to;
we present the comments of Sadhguru.  Speaking in perfect English, with the option of English subtitles.  Running time: 6 minutes.



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See also the posts:  
  1. Yeah I'm Straight
  2. Open Season
  3. The Vow
  4. The Pact
  5. And The Band Stayed On
  6. Bi-furcation
  7. For Better, For Worse Or Whatever
  8. An Ideal.....Compromised 
  9. Shot Through The Heart 

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Sunday, July 29, 2018

Gay Men And Forgiveness 2

It’s not difficult to find a gay man who has been hurt by another gay man. 

Sure, there might be different degrees of hurt. Some offenses were probably more subtle, while others were more blatant and outward. Regardless, they all can leave a mark. 

The reality is that many gay men are carrying past hurt with them day in and day out. The experience and wound gets re-opened each time they think about the look, insult or slur that was thrown their way. Instead of healing, the wound gets sliced open over and over again. 

On the other side, there are gay men out there who continue to hurt other gay men. Their view of the world is narrow and self-absorption is a way of life. Their self is the center of the world and they swing violently throughout the bars, beaches and community, much like a wrecking ball (cue Miley Cyrus). 

All of this creates a recipe for long-lasting grudges, cycles of hurt and monumental barriers to forming a sense of community among gay men. 

Is this presence of skepticism, paranoia and suspicion of gay men toward other gay men an old phenomenon? Or is this new? Is it something that wasn’t ever talked about or acknowledged before or are we facing a brand new beast? 

What I don’t hear a lot within the gay community is the concept of forgiveness. 

Merriam-Webster says to forgive is to “stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong)” and “to stop blaming (someone).” To “stop feeling anger about (something) and “to forgive someone for (something wrong)”. 

While there are certainly pockets and moments of love shown between gay men, there is also burning rage in the hearts of many — especially those who have been hurt time and again. 

Both Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi spoke strongly about forgiving others. King said, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” And Gandhi boldly proclaimed, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”. 

It’s safe to say that most gay men have been hurt by other gay men at some point in their lives. What would it look like for you to forgive the gay men that have hurt you in your life? Is it possible for you to let go of that hurt you’ve been carrying around for days weeks, months or even decades? Do you believe reconciliation is even possible? 

Maybe forgiveness is a muscle we’ve allowed to get flabby and weak. Maybe we’ve been holding out for an apology from our perpetrator that may never arrive. The truth is that when we refuse to forgive others, we only imprison ourselves. 

Every gay man reading this gets to decide: Will I carry anger or love in my heart? You can’t carry both. 

Yes, we need to educate our fellow gay men and be bold in confronting racism, classism, ageism and other -isms that too often go unaddressed in our community. 

I fear, however, that without an element of forgiveness, our posture toward one another will continue to harden. The distance and divide will increase and the toxic words we throw toward one another will become increasingly sharp and pointed. 

There’s very little hope of cultivating community and friendships when we can’t stand one another and when we won’t forgive. 

Forgiveness is messy. It’s complicated. Maybe we’re afraid to air our “dirty laundry” to the larger world. If we’re real honest with ourselves, gay men are not at all immune to hating one another. Perhaps a part of you hates other gay men in this very moment. 

While writing this, I came across these powerful words from Archbishop Desmond Tutu:
Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking, but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end, only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing.
Will gay men step forward to choose forgiveness? Will I? Will you? What will be your first step toward forgiving your fellow gay men?..................


-----"What If Gay Men Forgave One Another?",  by Josh Hersh, July 17, 2014, The Blog, Huffington Post 

See also: Gay Men And Forgiveness 1

Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Romancing The Bone

How Faggotry Manufactures Gayness to Devastating Effect

1.  The Setup
2.  Technique 1 - Massive Flattery And Adoration
3.  Technique 2 - Gay By Implication
4.  Technique 3 - Disprove The Negative: Prove You're Not Gay
5.  So...What's The Point...?
6.  Faggotry As A Predator
7.  The Independently Thinking Gay Man


1.   The Setup

It starts with gay or gay-focused sites or blogs. While some may feature hard and soft core male porn as the hook, the real objects of attention fall into distinct categories:

  1. Male pop stars - particularly those in their 20s or early 30s;
  2. Male TV actors - initially it started with those in daytime soap operas, but expanded to include those appearing on prime time;
  3. Male models - in particular underwear and swimwear models with billboard, magazine or online exposure, erotic photography models;
  4. Male athletes or Olympic athletes - preferred sports for attention being swimming, diving, sprinters, gymnasts, figure skating (but now expanding to include soccer and rugby players);
  5. Male fitness models and bodybuilders;
  6. Male celebrities;
  7. Guys appearing in gay-for-pay porn or bi porn;

2.   Technique 1 - Massive Flattery and Adoration 

1.   The "target" male becomes the subject of intensely positive reportage, starting with his physical characteristics and sometimes includes an "awww...." factor to make it easier to relate to him:
  • cute dimples;
  • great smile;
  • lovely eyes;
  • chic haircut;
  • handsome face that makes one swoon;
  • body to die for;
  • superficial titillating speculation e.g. does his hairy chest lead to a treasure trail on his lower abs...? is he Cut or Uncut...? Given that bulge in his swimming trunks or underwear, how many inches could he be....?
  • detailed stats including place and date of birth;
  • tall, dark and handsome or blue-eyed, wholesome jock next door;
  • exotic masculine looks especially if coupled with mixed heritage;
  • "analysis" of muscle definition with emphasis on particular muscle groups e.g. rippling biceps, massive shoulders, defined V-shape in the back, really powerful thighs, cute muscled butt;
  • superficial speculation on his work-out routine, gossip about which gym he goes to and what times he can be spotted there, who his trainer is;
  • what size clothes he wears and his favourite colours;
  • "Awww...." factors include: loves dogs, likes playing frisbee, pigs out on cheeseburgers and tacos; sleeps in on Sundays, does volunteer work.......
2.   What's the point of Faggotry laying it on thick....?  Simple.  The first step is to let the "target" know he has a gay following.  That's both a blessing and a curse.

3.   The moment that "target" goes public via social media or a magazine or TV interview that he's so "honoured / happy / thrilled / pleasantly surprised" that he has a gay following, Faggotry has got him.  The first stage has been entirely successful. They've got his attention. It's time for Faggotry to move to the next stage against him - or look for another target.

4.   Alternatively, Techniques 1 and 2 (below) can be combined.  The desired result is the same.....it puts the "target" on the defensive, first via a Charm Offensive and then by something progressively more sinister.


3.   Technique 2 - Gay By Implication

1.   How the "target" male is softened up by implication and innuendo:
  • His Church is the gym;
  • When he's not alone, he's only and always seen with guys;
  • Those guys are rumoured to be gay;
  • Those guys have been seen with other guys known or suspected to be gay;
  • The women in his social life are all platonic friends;
  • Hangs around with known "fag hags"; 
  • Seen in gay-friendly bars, cafes and restaurants with "fag hags";
  • Spotted in the crowd at Gay Pride alone or with one or more of the above;
  • Shows no inclination to date women, even though women find him attractive;
  • Coy about the women in his life and deflects questioning;
  • Lives with or is close to his Mom;
  • Lives with his "roomate" and has been for a couple of years;
  • Wears body conscious clothing;
  • Wears brands favoured by gay customers;
  • Shops in retail stores frequented by gay customers;
  • Body accessories indicative of "gayness" e.g. earring or stud in Right Ear, jewellery by gay designer;
  • Had his apartment remodelled by a trendy gay designer;
  • Socializes with known gay celebs and gay media types either publicly or at swanky private parties;
  • Circumstantial or direct evidence that he showed up at gay saunas or cruising areas;
  • Circumstantial or direct evidence that he came on to one or more guys;

4.   Technique 3 - Disprove The Negative : Prove You're Not Gay

1.   There's been a ton of stuff written in the fields of Religion, Philosophy and Logic about the apparent futility or possibility of Disproving a Negative.  Google it.

2.   It's also a favourite geopolitical tool of the West when it comes to intimidating, threatening or attacking a foreign country - often on trumped up "evidence".  The 2003 attack on Iraq was based entirely on false evidence of the alleged presence of weapons of mass destruction coupled with a demand that the Iraqi government show that it didn't have them.  It was deliberately intended to back them into a corner because whatever they said, it would never be enough to rebut the manufactured implications and allegations which could be churned out and spun indefinitely.

3.   This is exactly the same tactic that Faggotry uses to attack a "target" male after it has first flattered him and loaded him with implications.  Disproving the Negative is justified by Faggotry on the basis of freedom of expression, investigative "journalism", or because the "target" is a public figure who has somehow waived his right to privacy.

4.   Confronted with Disproving The Negative, the "target" is sent into immediate damage control, panic-stricken denials, a sudden holiday out of the country, a plea for privacy.  The mainstream press which now has wind of Faggotry's manipulation of Disproving The Negative, is all over the story. It takes a very strong man to stand his ground and say absolutely nothing, because quite frankly, his private life is none of Faggotry's damn business.

5.   The intent is to force an Outing by the "target" confessing to being gay; or to orchestrate the Outing according to Faggotry's media coverage and Politically Correct dictates for maximum "sympathy / empathy" or manipulation of public perception for the benefit of Faggotry's agenda.


5.   So.....What's The Point.....?

1.   Elsewhere in this blog, we've made 3 main points about Faggotry:
  • It is a global sub-standard behavioural franchise; AND
  • It could be regarded as an Authoritarian State; AND
  • It's a Human Ponzi Scam - new converts to "the lifestyle" and its bizarre Liberal (?) / Fascist politically correct ideology, are constantly required.  Otherwise, the Scam collapses.

6.  Faggotry As A Predator
1.   In our post, Faggotry An Authoritarian State...? we mentioned the predatory nature of Faggotry, which was essential to its survival:
5.   Faggotry - A Predator

Smith makes a revelatory observation about a centralized state i.e. centralized control, that applies equally to what we have long perceived as "the Politically Correct, Gay Authoritarian Stealth Creep" of Faggotry via its enablers.


".....the central state is genetically programmed to become an authoritarian state devoted to self-preservation and extension of its reach and power."

Our view is that Faggotry's ultimate agenda is to globally control every aspect of Politically Correct thought, speech and behaviour when it comes to dealing with, describing or analyzing gay men and their behaviour.  Accuracy and Analysis must be squelched. Spin and Outrage must prevail.  The Engine of Faggotry must be kept running.

The Engine of Faggotry is kept running in politics and media through:
  • favouritism and public endorsement;
  • grants and fundraising;
  • "gay watchdogs" and shrieks of outrage;
  • cronyism;
2.   Seen in that context, identifying individual male "targets" for Flattery, Implication and then forcing them to Disprove The Negative, makes perfect sense.  The predatory nature of Faggotry operates on two fronts simultaneously: 
  1. the pushing of the "gay agenda"; and
  2. the aggressive acquisition of "converts" who, whether by threat, intimidation, boycott, outrage, flattery, implication, Outing or being forced to Disprove The Negative, can be co-opted as "spokesmen / advocates / activists " for the agenda or at the very least, keep their mouths shut in tacit approval - or fear;

7.   The Independently Thinking Gay Man

1.   The independently thinking gay man who hasn't yet been seduced by Faggotry's slick hypnosis, looks on aghast at the scheming violations of the target male's privacy, personal liberty, thought and action.

2.   The good news is that (as we've stated before) we are living in the times of the Apocalypse, the true meaning of which, is that which was hidden is now revealed.  It is our view that more gay men are actively questioning Faggotry's ideology and methods.  We suspect there is a strong undercurrent of disgust.

3.   Furthermore, we are also living in times of massive systemic collapse and revelation. This is unstoppable. The pace and scale of systemic collapse will increase.  Faggotry is a predatory system operating in an old paradigm that is disingenuous, restrictive and dis-empowering.  It is destined to collapse as more independently thinking gay men simply opt out and claim their right to think, speak, act and live on their terms without having to look over their shoulder to see if they conform to a Politically Correct, Liberal / Fascist pre-set agenda - or whether they are about to be attacked.

4.   If we are correct in our analysis of Faggotry's methods of Flattery, Implication and forced Disproving The Negative, then Faggtory itself is liable for both gay-baiting and gay bashing.

5.   We don't know what the new paradigm for gay men will look like.  But we predict that when the current paradigm collapses, gay activists and enablers will be shrieking at, and blaming, each other. It's all they know.

Originally published 4 September 2014
Amended and Republished 3 July 2018

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Saturday, June 30, 2018

Orbit In Love...?

It was the scientist, R. Buckminster Fuller who said that rather than "falling in love" (only to fall out of it and go hurtling into oblivion, emotional rebounds and abusive relationships), 2 people should "orbit in love".  In other words, create a dynamic cohesive tension held together by the force of gravity, love and honesty.  This would generate momentum, keeping the relationship alive and evolving.

For years, we had difficulty imagining what the concept of orbiting in love would look like.  Then this came along...



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Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Breaking From Binary

COMPLETED 16 MAY 2018

Are labels like, "gay", "str8" and "bi" obsolete...?

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix: 


....... A YouGov poll this week put the number of 18- to 24-year-old Brits who identify as entirely heterosexual at 46%, while just 6% would call themselves exclusively gay. Sexuality now falls between the lines: identity is more pliable, and fluidity more acceptable, than ever before.

The gay-straight binary is collapsing, and it’s doing so at speed. The days in which a celebrity’s sexual orientation was worthy of a tabloid scandal have long since died out. Though newspapers still report on famous people coming out and their same-sex relationships, the lurid language that once accompanied such stories has been replaced by more of a gossipy, “did you know?” tone,........And the reaction of the celebrities involved has morphed, too, into a refusal to play the naming game. Arena-filling pop star Miley Cyrus  posted an Instagram of a news story that described her as “genderqueer” with the caption, "NOTHING can/will define me! Free to be EVERYTHING!!!"  Kristen Stewart, who has been followed around by insinuations about the “gal pal” she is often photographed with for a couple of years, finally spoke about the relationship in an interview with Nylon magazine  this month. She said, simply, “Google me, I’m not hiding”, but, like the people surveyed by YouGov, refused to define herself as gay or straight. “I think in three or four years, there are going to be a whole lot more people who don’t think it’s necessary to figure out if you’re gay or straight. It’s like, just do your thing.”

..... The more people who are out, the more normal it becomes; the less alone a confused kid in a small town looking at gossip websites might feel; the less baffled the parent of a teenager who brings home a same-sex date might be. Combine that with the seemingly unstoppable legislative reinforcement of equal rights, too – gay marriage becoming legal in Ireland, in the US – and suddenly, it seems less “abnormal”, less boundary-busting, to fall in love or lust with someone of the same gender.

“I would describe myself as a bisexual homoromantic,” says Alice, 23, from Sussex. For the uninitiated, I asked her to explain. “It means I like sex with men and women, but I only fall in love with women. I wouldn’t say something wishy-washy like, ‘It’s all about the person,’ because more often it’s just that I sometimes like a penis.”.......

She says that even among those who exclusively date people of the same gender, there is a reluctance to claim an identity as proscriptive as “gay”. “Most young people who are gay don’t see it as a defining property of their character, because they don’t have to, because society doesn’t constantly remind them of their difference.” However, she is careful to point out that this is very much the case in the small, liberal part of London where she lives now. “[Not defining] is something I feel entitled to as a person who lives in London, but I didn’t feel entitled to it in a small town in the home counties. I’ve never experienced discrimination about my sexuality, but I’m aware that it’s because I ‘pass’ [as straight].”

In fact, among the young British people I spoke to, geography is vital. Lucy, 25, wonders if the number of people who say they are not straight really tallies with the number of people who are actually acting upon those desires. “Saying you’re sexually fluid means you’re part of a movement. It means you’re seen as forward-thinking,” she says, suggesting there is a certain cachet attached to being seen as open that does not come with affirmed heterosexuality. She also believes it is more of a metropolitan story than necessarily representative of Britain as a whole. “If I went back to my home town in the Midlands, we wouldn’t sit around talking about ‘sexual fluidity’. You’re a ‘dyke’, or you’re not. There’s only one type of lesbian there.” 

Many people questioning their sexuality make the traditional migration from a small town to a big city to find like-minded people – to find their tribe, to belong. It is a familiar and understandable story that you hear across generations. But now, within these cities, the pubs and bars that were once a meeting point for non-straight people are beginning to disappear, swallowed up by the brutal economics of an obscene property market........

In fact, the word queer, once the defiant reclamation of a homophobic slur, has become a ubiquitous term. While the young people I spoke to were largely resistant to the word “bisexual”, even if they are sleeping with both men and women, they used “queer” easily and freely. “Among our callers and our volunteers, more and more people are identifying as ‘queer’, particularly among younger generations,” says Natasha Walker, a trustee of the LGBT+ Helpline, which recently changed its name from the London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard in order to be more inclusive. “In the past, people were fighting for the right to be able to define themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans* etc. Although this is very much still the case, there is also a definite shift towards an acceptance of people as they are – label or no label.” 

There is also some appeal in the radical roots of “queer”, particularly as same-sex desire becomes more usual: while mainstream assimilation makes discrimination less likely, it does run the risk of removing the “outsider” identity of gay life, which many are keen to preserve.

“Essentially, the gays are getting married and it’s all become normalised,” says John, 32, from Plymouth. “‘Queer’ is still a political term. The older I get, the more I use it, because I feel I understand it more than when I was 22, but it’s also a cultural shift, absolutely.” While the word “bisexual” is, as John puts it, “a bit woolly”, “queer” encompasses a broad spectrum of desires, and is inclusive of those people who might reject the gender binary, too. 

Moving beyond the need to identify as one thing or the other feels utopian in many respects, and it acknowledges that for many people, sexuality is not an either/or decision. But it also relies on an idealised vision of an open-minded and kind society, which is true for the privileged world of, say, celebrities, but is not always the case elsewhere. Casual homophobia has not been erased by semantic optimism. John says a cab recently cancelled his trip after pulling up to the kerb and seeing him kissing his boyfriend. “We ran after him, but he just carried on.” Last month, one of John’s friends was spat at from a car window as he stood outside a gay pub. These are small, but constant reminders that abuse, discrimination and prejudice are present and pernicious, in small towns and in big cities. So if more young people reject heteronormativity, then that can only be a good thing, whether they act upon it, or not. But there is power in claiming an identity, and it is worth remembering, too, that complacency may be as dangerous as labels.

----- ' "I'm a bisexual homoromantic": why young Brits are rejecting old labels ', The Guardian, 18 August 2015

 
Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Saturday, May 05, 2018

Craigslist Hong Kong

CL Hong Kong has now removed all personal ads in all categories.

This is part of a worldwide move on all their pages. The official reason is to stop global human trafficking for prostitution.  This is obviously a huge problem and we suspect some ugly truths about the scale of human abduction and trafficking are about to be released.

As we've said before, these are the times of the Apocalypse, the true meaning of which, is that which was hidden, is now revealed

We're not gonna miss the hugely irritating Indonesian, Filipino, Thai and Chinese moneyboys, or the really weirdly-worded ads by Asian trans-sexuals.

However, we have a sneaky suspicion that some presently innocent categories on CL like "Salon/Spa/Fitness will become the new turf for carnal games.  No proof, just a thought.

UPDATE: 7 MAY 2018:  Our suspicion was almost correct: the personal ads and the escorts have appeared in the the "Missed Connections category".  What makes it worse, is that they're not sorted.  You're gonna have to wade through escorts, trans-sexual escorts, heteros looking to hookup, homos looking to hookup - and missed connections.  What a fuckin' mess.

We will miss local and tourist gay men online, in particular:

  • the abject stupidity;
  • the repetitive insanity;
  • the "preferences";
  • the outright racism;
  • the outright ageism; 
  • the number of years over which a fag's age remained the same;
  • the ads we instantly knew would fail;
  • the number of times we giggled when we saw, "let's do this..!" (more a declaration of desperation than intent);
  • the pleas for information on gay saunas which fell on deaf ears;
  • whether the self-admitted "average-looking, wine-drinking, "philosophical", "cultured", well educated, "gentle" GAM (a.k.a someone with the visual appeal of paint drying on the wall and the mental incontinence of a dripping faucet), actually found true love with a bloated white guy, similarly depleted in the Looks Department.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Gay Men And Forgiveness 1

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Sex is easy. Intimacy is hard. Having spent so much of my life sexually frustrated, I didn’t realize how true this is until after a painful breakup with my ex, Kay.

I partially came out at 20. I came out more fully at twenty-five. But I didn’t really properly date until I was 29. Which means I had about a 10-year lag on most heterosexuals. The romantic and sexual experiences that most other people go through earlier, I went through later, but with the same emotionally undeveloped tools as an adolescent. 

So when I met Kay, I rushed in. I felt too much, too fast, and then we fell apart. 

This happens to straight people too of course. But I think our straight peers have the advantage of a larger culture that better equips them to deal with romantic failure. They receive mentorship either directly from friends or family, or indirectly from media, on how to recover from a failed relationship. 

At least for me, I spent much of my adolescence and early adulthood having my own sexual interests dismissed. And so when I finally found a guy who provided the fulfillment of a meaningful relationship, and then had my heart broken, I felt like there was never a point to it. I was rejected by straight culture, and now I’d been rejected by my own. I gave up on any kind of “happily ever after.” 

For a full week after Kay and I ended, I barely left my apartment and just sat streaming videos. I burned through all of True Detective and much of The Wire. Cocktail hour started at sunrise. I deleted him from my phone. I felt lonely all the time. I still do sometimes, though I’m better now at managing it.

Everyone at some point finds themselves feeling abandoned, as though alone in a boat. But as a gay man, I felt adrift, with neither rudder, oar, nor sail, as I watched my straight peers move on ahead. They too went through many of the same struggles, but always seemed to recover better and faster, while I bobbed around at the whim of the waves, traveling each way and none. 

I pursued myriad shallow relationships, rather than investing and losing too much by giving too much to one person. There are ten guys in my list of contacts with the last name “OKCupid.” There are 23 with the last name “Grindr”. For one of them, as a first name I just wrote “Some Dude.” Those are just the ones who made it into my contacts. 

I found lots of opportunities for easy sex, but didn’t push for anything more from the guys I met. 

I even hooked up with the same guy twice and didn’t even realize I’d had sex with him before until, as we were undressing, I recognized a familiar birthmark otherwise hidden by underwear. I still don’t know his name. 

Kay and I lived in the same city, which meant that we would run into each other occasionally. Each time it had been painful to pretend that we were strangers. As two gay men between the age of twenty and forty living in a small city, we were going to share space. We’ve probably shared lovers. But the isolation we’d brought on ourselves had been its own kind of burden. Even worse than the break up itself. The breakup happened and ended. The loneliness that came from going unacknowledged dragged on and on. 

Recently, I was wrapping up breakfast with a man I’d been seeing for eight months. (Both of us had been cautious—we hadn’t had the “boyfriend” talk. Love comes more slowly the second time around.) I received a text with the name heading: New Contact Found: Maybe Kay.

When I got the text, beginning, “Hi, this is Kay,” I felt fearful, anxious and angry. I looked at the calendar: It had been three years and two days since our first date. 

Kay was texting to say that he was sorry for how he had treated our relationship. For years, this was what I had most wanted from Kay. I didn’t want him to beg for forgiveness, or tell me that he loved me, I just wanted him to see that how we ended had left me hurt. But, even more than that, I wanted him to recognize that we had, once, been important to each other. 

The funny thing was, once Kay apologized to me, I realized I could do the same for him. There were things about our relationship that I was sorry for. I had done things I regretted, and had wanted to apologize for, but hadn’t because I thought it would make me look like a chump. I was the one who got dumped. So why should I be the one to say I was sorry? 

But after this exchange, I could feel my anger and resentment toward Kay evaporating. He had been trying to identify what was important to him, and had realized that he needed to take better care of his relationships. It was not something that came easily to him, but he was trying to do better. 

I felt that he meant what he wrote, and I made the choice to believe him. Mostly because I’ve been feeling the same way. And acknowledging that it, and each other, has let me release a lot of weight I’d been dragging around ever since we split. Yes, I had been avoiding Kay. But I had also been avoiding my own fears of intimacy. 

I’d tried to dodge every single guy I’d ever been on so much as a date with, which meant strategizing how to best navigate an ever growing minefield of discarded lovers. Sure, when Kay and I crossed paths we pretended we didn’t know each other, but I’d been doing that with everyone who’d shared my bed. 

Recently, I reached out to another ex after a chance encounter in a thrift store. When I saw Luis in the store, I spun around and walked out. Almost immediately I felt embarrassed and went back inside to apologize, but he had already left, or else was hiding in the dressing room. So I texted him to say how sorry I was that I had avoided him. That the next time I saw him I would say hello. 

Kay and I will probably never be friends. We don’t need to be. But at least we aren’t strangers any more. We can say hello when we see each other in the street. I even opened up my contacts and put his name back in.

-----"Dealing with Rejection: Living openly and learning to forgive", by Cirrus Wood, Beta, October 11, 2017


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Saturday, March 24, 2018

Revenge Porn 3

6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It



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Copyright vests in the lawful copyright holders
 
(3)  Taking legal action

1.  Considering all the noise being made to globally control the Web, there are no uniform laws concerning revenge porn.

2.  Depending on location, the laws specifically against revenge porn are either non-existent or, may exist at a state or provincial level or, may exist at both state and federal level. Note that in the absence of an overriding federal law, if the victim and offender live in different states, it may be necessary to take legal action in both states.

3.  Note also that revenge porn laws apply to legally underage offending teenagers uploading revenge porn images of another underage teenager.  Instead of being charged under child pornography laws, they can be charged with distributing an invasive image, or threatening to upload an invasive image.

4.  Even if there are no nationwide laws specifically against revenge porn where you live, the fact remains that the unauthorized sharing of a sexual image can still end up being a criminal offence under existing laws:

  • Harassment
  • Stalking
  • Intimidation
  • Blackmail
  • Extortion
  • Breach of Privacy Laws - unauthorized use of personal identifying information
  • Hacking of computer or peripherals or mobile phone
  • Identity Theft
  • Incitement - when your image is uploaded to other sites and users are invited to comment
  • If the victim was underage, child porn laws might apply.
5.  Civil proceedings may also be possible for harm to personal and professional reputation.  Remember in civil cases, you start the action.  In criminal cases, you will have to persuade the police to bring it.

6.  Also, notifying government agencies that a revenge porn website is engaging in unfair, criminal and unethical business practices may get you some relief and put the heat on the proprietors of that website.

7.  And for those gay men thinking of getting into a formal relationship with a Significant Other...? A prenuptial agreement that contains terms specifically dealing with privacy issues and ownership of sexually explicit images PLUS undertakings not to spread them if the relationship breaks.  After all, if you decide who gets to keep the Lalique crystal vases, why should your dick pics be any different..?

Originally published 26 March 2017
Republished 24 March 2018

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Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Revenge Porn 2

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn

We have drawn from the article, "How to Fight Back Against Revenge Porn", The Daily Beast, 1 December 2016.

1.  Breathe. Keep breathing.  Calm down.

2.  Defending yourself from a revenge porn attack involves 3 main steps:

  • Collect the evidence;
  • Getting the evidence wiped from the web;
  • Taking legal action;

 (1)  Collect  The Evidence
1.  Save everything.  Repeat. Save everything. Resist the initial panic reaction to thrash around to get every pic and video of you removed.  Without the evidence, the behaviour cannot be criminalized.  Save the following:
  • the pics
  • the video
  • screenshot of the web page where it appears
  • upload dates
  • all messages sent by the offender
  • view counts
  • all comments made by viewers - the comments may be derogatory, abusive, violent and graphic.  That helps your case in showing the harm of revenge porn because those commenting are also engaging in harassment.
2.  Re-adjust your social media privacy settings- with two factor authentication if possible.  This is because the offender may upload the images to dedicated revenge porn websites, reveal your social media handles, screen shots of your social media pages and encourage others to stalk, harass or hack.

3.  However do NOT block the offender from sending you messages as you still need to build up the evidence against him.

4.  To understand the scale of the revenge porn attack against you, Google your own name using derogatory search words that those into revenge porn might use.  For example:
  • "Michael Smith cocksucking faggot bitch in Singapore"
  • "Michael Smith cum swallowing faggot in Singapore"
  • "Michael Smith cock sucking white Singapore accountant and closet faggot"
  • "white trash faggot accountant Michael Smith in Singapore"
  • "Michael Smith in Singapore is a cum swallowing accountant and cock whore"
5.  If those search terms lead to revenge porn sites with you on them, remember to keep screen shots of each one of them.


(2)  Getting The Evidence Wiped From The Web

1. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative has produced an Online Removal Guide that covers Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, Yahoo, Google, Microsoft.

2.  From October 2105, PornHub, the largest porn site on the Web, launched a new content removal form for revenge porn victims to file take  down requests more easily.


COMING UP IN PART 3:

6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

Originally published 22 March 2017
Amended and Republished 20 March 2018

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Monday, March 19, 2018

Revenge Porn 1

1.  Definition of Revenge Porn
2.  Social Media : Temptation, Apathy And Negligence
3.  Gay Men, Lousy Manners And Spite
4.  Revenge Porn In Context
5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It


1.  Revenge Porn 
      (or Non-Consensual Porn, or Vindictive Porn)

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Revenge Porn - Revenge porn (sometimes lengthened to revenge pornography) is the sexually explicit portrayal of one or more people distributed without their consent via any medium. The sexually explicit images or video may be made by a partner of an intimate relationship  with the knowledge and consent of the subject, or it may be made without his or her knowledge. The possession of the material may be used by the perpetrators to blackmail the subjects into performing other sex acts, to coerce them into continuing the relationship, or to punish them for ending the relationship.....

The term "revenge porn" generally refers to the uploading of this sexually explicit material to humiliate and intimidate the subject, who has broken off the relationship. The term is also often misused to describe non 'revenge' scenarios, including non-consensual pornography distributed by hackers or by individuals seeking profit or notoriety.  The images are usually accompanied by sufficient information to identify the pictured individual, typically names and locations, and can include links to social media to profiles, home addresses and workplaces.  Victims, whose images expose them to workplace discrimination, cyber-stalking or physical attack, can have their lives ruined as a result. Given the practice by some companies of searching for potential sources of bad publicity, many victims of revenge porn have lost their jobs and found themselves effectively unhirable.

-----Wikipedia, Revenge Porn

2.  Social Media : Temptation, Apathy And Negligence

1.  In Principles of Faggotry 32 we said this:
A dumb fag with a smart phone is a dangerous combination.

2.  What were getting at, was the danger of pervasive technology as well as the abuse and temptation they presented.  The plethora of social media, the access given to "followers", sexual hook-up apps,  hacking tools, photoshop ability - and now, A.I.-generated fake porn superimposing heads on other bodies, present a formidable array of options and weapons.

3.  There is a lot of social pressure to be on social media.  Very few gay men will stop to ask, "What for..?"  

4.  We suspect that gay men, in their never-ending quest for cock, are too jaded (or drug- fucked) to care, too negligent, haven't considered the web trail they've left, who has been given access to their pictures and videos, or they are more interested in creating multiple profiles to theoretically enhance their chances of getting sex.

5.  So, what are the fertile areas for revenge porn..?
  • Lots of pics of you online that have been there for a while - and you may have lost track of where they all are;
  • X-rated ads on hookup sites that could be traced to you;
  • X-rated pics or videos you took of yourself and sent to the other party;
  • X-rated pics or videos of both of you, knowing that both of you were being filmed and each party has a copy;
  • G-rated or professional headshot pics of you that you uploaded to social media like Facebook or professional networking sites like LinkedIn;
  • Innocent workplace pics taken with colleagues;
  • WhatsApp or other messaging apps that turn into "sexting";
  • Chat room conversations that can be saved;
  • Hacking of mobile phone, laptop or desktop;
  • Hacking of external hard drives and flash drives;
  • Lost or stolen phones or laptops, not properly secured for authenticated entry;
  • And no, faggot, Snapchat is not that safe.  Screen shots can still be made of images;

As the University of Adelaide's Law School pointed out in their online resource on revenge porn and cyberbullying, there is a deliberate or unconscious ignorance of the boundaries of sexual behaviour and online communication.  In other words, it's a minefield out there.  Not only is there pervasive and probably illegal intelligence agency spying of your laptop, desktop, tablet and mobile going on worldwide, but your cock-focused encounters carry high risks other that STDs. The Web has destroyed anonymity and seriously damaged personal integrity.


3.  Gay Men, Lousy Manners And Spite

1.  In Principles of Faggotry 82  we said this:
A Screaming Fag is perfectly capable of dishing out the Silent Treatment.
Frequently, in abortive attempts to hookup online and after pictures have been swapped, one party suddenly gets dropped without explanation - whether or not their stats are acceptable.  Face it.  It's happened to nearly every fag with a USB connection.  Emails and WhatsApp messages are ignored or blocked. The private window in the chat room goes silent or is abruptly shut. The Silent Treatment is in full swing.  The party on the receiving end of it is puzzled, humiliated and angry.  Fags are notorious for their utter lack of online manners.  It shows no signs of getting better. 

2.  Frustrated, pissed off and feeling cheated that having swapped pics, he was suddenly dumped, the wounded fag is in a perfect position to retaliate through revenge porn or online bad-mouthing, or uploading a fake profile with the other guy's pic and then claiming that guy is HIV or some other allegation.  Note that there is no relationship between them, other than the fact that both were looking for a hookup.  That sense of overwhelming cyber-rage triggered by another guy's lousy manners, is more widespread than the average fag will feel comfortable admitting.

 3.  "Sexting" is another problematic area that can go from flirtation to bullying and then abuse...and then revenge porn.


4.  Revenge Porn In Context

1.  It's a mistake to think that revenge porn only affects women since a lot of media coverage has focused on them.  The reality is that gay men are prime targets, because of their scattered online presence plus repeated ads and pics on the same sites - and even more so in those countries where Web usage is censored or monitored and where being gay or having gay sex, can carry severe penalties.  For example, in the United Arab Emirates where gay sex is illegal, there is no shortage of guys putting up their selfies on hookup apps, while offering to pay premium prices for a bottle of poppers - which are also illegal.

2.  Revenge porn might be a phenomenon but it does not operate in a vacuum. It operates within a continuum that ranges from entrapment (pic collector with a motive), anger, abuse, betrayal, bullying, blackmail, drug-taking, drug-dealing, date-rape, intimidation, threats, stalking, theft, reputational and professional damage. 

3.  There's some good news.  The criminal and civil remedies to deal with revenge porn come from the same continuum.

COMING UP IN PART 2:

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

Originally published 22 March 2017
Amended and Republished 19 March 2018 


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Monday, February 05, 2018

It's Who You Know

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ZHEN AI used a conventional method to uncover the truth about her husband’s “business trips”. She logged on to his computer. But what Ms Zhen, who was three months pregnant at the time, found was beyond her imaginings. She saw photos of her husband in some of China’s most exotic settings—Tibet, Hangzhou and Yunnan province—with another man. The pictures of them together in bed were particularly devastating.

Ms Zhen, who is now 30 years old and prefers to use a pseudonym, is one of an estimated 16m straight women who are married to gay men in China. Zhang Beichuan, a scholar, estimates that more than 70% of gay men marry straight women. Using census data from 2011, Mr Zhang estimates that somewhere between 2-5% of Chinese men over the age of 15 are gay, or between 11m and 29m. The women who marry them are known as tongqi, which might be translated as “homo-wife”, using “homo-” for same.

Tolerance is on the rise in major cities. Shanghai had its fourth Pride festival in June. Earlier this month the national ministry of health announced that lesbians will be permitted to donate blood.

Yet intolerance still prevails. Homosexuality was only removed from the health ministry’s list of mental illnesses in 2001. In rural regions, the belief that homosexuality is a treatable disease is still widespread.

It did not occur to Ms Zhen that her husband could be gay, though there were signs. She recalls inadvertently resting her hand on his arm during a movie date. “I felt him flinch, but he endured it”, she says. Though confused by his lack of intimacy, she found his considerate nature to be endearing. She hoped the passion would grow after he proposed. What followed instead was an icy marriage, frequent business trips and a perfunctory sex life.

After finding the photos, Ms Zhen found temporary solace in an online tongqi support group. Luck again abandoned her. This month, her signature joins 50 others on an open letter accusing the website tongqijiayuan.com of scamming its members out of 90,000 yuan ($14,000) in total. Ms Zhen lost 2,000 yuan. “We’ve realised [the site’s] owners were taking advantage of our fragile emotions and low social status,” the joint letter reads.

It is especially difficult for Chinese men to come out to their families. Traditional beliefs about the importance of maintaining bloodlines permeate society, which regards homosexuality as unfilial. Yang Shaogang, a Shanghai-based lawyer who specialises in tongqi cases, counselled five women last year after they contracted HIV from their husbands. The only way to prevent this sort of tragedy from befalling such women, he says, is calling for more tolerance so gay men won’t feel forced to enter marriage in the first place.

In recent years some have found a solution, of sorts. Chinagayles.com, a website with some 153,000 members, helps gay men meet lesbian women for matrimonial purposes. Individuals upload personal details, such as monthly income, hobbies and Zodiac signs. Some seek cohabitation without sexual contact. Others want children.

Zhuang Xiang, a 30-year-old accountant from Shanghai, came to understand why he was drawn to boys when he was 17. On flicking through a gay comic book in a shop, he had his great “a-ha!” moment. He met his boyfriend in 2004. And then he married his lesbian wife in 2009. He and his wife don’t live together, but they visit each other’s parents once a week. Mr Zhuang even keeps some of her clothes on display at home, in case of unannounced visitors.

Mr Zhuang says he is lucky to live in a big city like Shanghai, where such a solution is possible. But he wants to live in a country where gay men are accepted. His parents have started to talk about a grandchild. Mr Zhuang and his lesbian wife will likely get a forged certificate of infertility. Keeping up the appearance of their marriage feels like a never-ending battle, he says. But sometimes lies are more sensible than the truth.

-----"Gay marriage gone wrong", The Economist, 12 July 2012

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