For Whom The Toilet Flushes

A few years back, some gay bars in a western politically correct country, notoriously drug fucked from coast to coast, were the subject of police raids.   It was alleged that the bars were involved in drug dealing.  The bar tenders were arrested.

One of the "outraged" (would there be any other gay reaction..?) bar owners denied any knowledge of drug dealing on his premises and complained that the cops only told him after they’d arrested the bar tender.

Well……um…..yeah, isn’t that the whole purpose of a raid..?

Let’s consider the broader context.  Bar owners , whether in Fagland or Breederville, routinely turn a blind eye to the deals that go down on their premises.  It’s not for nothing that bars have dark corners and cater to a certain crowd.

In white Faglands, not only do drug-fucked fags mill around outside the bar, but so do other types of druggies, salivating, twitching and scratching their open sores.  (That’s how to identify the ones fucked up on meth).  It’s like feeding time at the dog pound, waiting for the keeper to appear.  If it’s Welfare Wednesday and they’ve got a wad of taxpayers dollars they’re looking for a drink and a fix fast.  

Any other day of the week, they’ll haunt customers at nearby  bank ATM machines (banks deliberately place ATM machines near bars and franchised coffee shops)  or offer handjobs or blowjobs to customers  (in the back alley, near the dumpsters) or try and mooch a free drink off a customer – anything to be in a position to hand over the cash to the dealer, once he takes up position inside the bar.

In Fagland bars, the drug deals can happen anywhere in the bar.  They’re quick, fast and synchronized.  The dealer and the fag addict are pros.  For example, if the deal goes down in the toilets, the dealer and the fag addict will occupy 2 separate toilet stalls.  The cash and the stash changes hands under the partition walls.  It’s kinda fun to watch.  It’s also the reason that in certain fag bars, nobody uses the toilet stalls since the “conference rooms” are usually occupied for a “meeting”.

It’s bizarre to think bar tenders don’t know about it.  They know everything because they make it their business to know everything and everyone.  It’s also unrealistic to think they wouldn’t tip off the bar owners.  Whether the owners do anything about it is another matter.  Bar tenders only make a base salary and most of their pay cheque comes in tips. The temptation to let the drug deals go down in return for a cash “referral fee” is very strong especially if it keeps the customers coming in and buying drinks.  From the bar tenders point of view, it’s a Win-Win situation.

As for the bar owners in the West presumably they’re too naïve to realize what a collection of homeless druggies or twitching broke-ass fags with open sores and agitated behavior outside their bar, or in the back alley, actually means..... ?

Oh yeah and the bar owners have yet to figure out why the immigrant janitor keeps complaining he can’t clean the toilets properly.

In Asia, the drug deals in the bars are already going down. GAMs have taken to crystal meth in a big way.   It’s only a matter of time until Meth Mouth syndrome and open sores on the face appear.  Those fags will have to reconsider their profiles on Grindr.  They’ll have to drop “cute”, “masculine” and “manly” and switch to “white-looking yellow trash”.

Originally published [FuelMix deleted the date by mistake]
Amended and Republished 8 August 2018

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Dead Man Dancing

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties
2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue
3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous 
4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties
5.  "Manageability"

1.  The Mega-Gay Dance Parties 

1.  There’s no shortage of gay media coverage of the mega-gay dance parties and raves held around the rainbow universe. Ski Week, Fleet Week, White Party, Black And Blue Party, Pride Week etc. Not only do they serve as circuit pilgrimages – the Fag Haj where the recently converted meet the faithful, the faithful meet the true believers and the true believers meet the High Queens and DJ Gods – but they also attract fag celebs, porn stars, porn talent scouts and the assorted ass trash that passes as a wannabe’s entourage.

2.  It’s easy to get swept up in the whole thing – the non-stop partying, the crush of sweaty guys, the dizzying array of bulging muscle, the slick dance moves, that relentless beat, the strobes, losing all sense of time, the blowjobs on the dancefoor – and the chemical and amphetamine canapés so generously offered as communion.


2.  Gay Dance Parties Signalling Their Virtue

1.  Many gay mega-dance parties loudly tout that a portion of their proceeds will go for AIDS care. Sounds hunky dory right..? Until it gets put into context.


3.  Gay Media Message On HIV/AIDS Ambiguous

1.  The gay media message about HIV/AIDS is ambiguous and ambivalent. It has 3 concurrent streams:

2.  First, there was no sign of a vaccine. Now we're told one's either available, or very shortly will be.

3.  Second, AIDS is “manageable” via a smorgasbord of medication. The term “manageable” infuriates FuelMix. It’s a politically correct synonym for coping at less than optimum levels with something chronic. It ignores the wretched physical anguish that accompanies AIDS. Insidiously, it perpetuates the acceptability of human suffering via polite nomenclature. FuelMix has more to say about “manageable” further on in this post.

4.  Third, fags are getting infected at much earlier ages.


4.  The Hook Of The Gay Dance Parties

1.  Gay mega-dance parties are tons of fun. But the warm and fuzzy feeling that fags get by being told that a portion of the proceeds go for AIDS and HIV, are offset by the entrenched culture of drug-taking at those parties. Those drugs are consumed for the sole purpose of evaporating inhibitions and making the fag more sexual. The impaired judgment leads to unsafe practices and the fag gets infected.

2.  So the gay rave is not only a rite of passage, but also a viral roulette game to bet on whether the fag makes it from Twink to Thirty.

3.  But consider this. FuelMix hasn’t seen very much being done about fags and their drug addictions. Why? Because fags have convinced themselves that they are “recreational drug users”. Ergo, there’s no problem.

4.  So, the commonly seen drug-fucked sexual judgment at gay raves is the product that keeps the raves in business, attracts thousands of fags, and provides the perfect opportunity for organizers and sponsors to market their altruistic side by doling out a bit for HIV and AIDS while ignoring the drug issue.

5.  Therefore, the link between addiction and infection becomes extremely profitable and politically correct.


5.  "Manageability"

1.  Back to the issue of “manageability”. Note the similarity between taking a drug cocktail for HIV/AIDS and taking a drug cocktail at raves. Both are for manageability. One is for managing survival. The other is for managing escapism.

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. FuelMix has nothing against mega-gay raves and after-parties (other than cringing at the idea of being seen downtown in club wear and glow sticks at 8 am by his alarmed office buddies in suits and briefcases).

See also:

• Dead Man Talking.
• Rainbow High

Originally published 9 January 2009
Amended and Republished 2 July 2013 | 6 August 2018 

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Gay Filipinos.....It's OK To Be Filipino

If there's one trait that identifies gay Filipinos (or Flips as they refer to themselves) outside the Philippines, it's their acute embarrassment at being Filipino.

For a nation whose main exports are mangoes, bananas, domestic helpers, hotel staff, cruise ship workers, janitors, nurses, whores, bar waitresses, nightclub musicians and theme park dancers, the embarrassment might be understandable - notwithstanding that these hardworking people remit tons of money back to the Philippines to help their families.

But in Fagland, where ethnicity is a touchy subject, being a gay Filipino outside your own country, is taken to deceptive extremes.  So deceptive that the average Flip fag will grab any nationality other than his own. They can range from anything from Thai, to Malay, to "Asian-Spanish" (that description is particularly favoured on the West Coast) to "Latin American" (dicey and risks being equated to ugly Hondurans) all the way to "Asian-Latin" (which in FuelMix's book, is pretty much, "WTF"...?)

The Philippines has a history of Spanish colonialism, a lot of Flips have Spanish names and the Vatican just loves their out-of-control, 5th World breeding that guarantees new recruits for their religious Ponzi scheme.  Granted some (apparently lighter-skinned) Flips have Spanish blood in them just like many really black niggas have white blood in them, but......just how many niggas go around claiming to be White Niggas...?

Is there an assumed paella-scented cachet in the gay Filipino describing himself as "Asian-Spanish" instead of the lumpia-snarfing "Filipino"..?  Is "Thai" or "Malay" assumed to be more attractive than "Filipino"..?  Is there a quest for a gay nationality less janitorial than "Filipino"..?

What gives...?  We love these guys.  They keep smiling from ear to ear.  What pain are they hiding..?

Do gay Filipinos suffer from collective internal loathing about their nationality..?

FuelMix recalls being cruised online by a Flip fag who approached 3 times in the space of a few mnutes, each time with a different nationality:

• "Asian-Spanish";
• "Malay";
• "Asian";

How did FuelMix know the fag was a Flip..? 'Coz he spoke to him on the phone and flushed it out of him.  The dude was both embarrassed and relieved that he'd been Outed as a Filipino.  No hookup took place.

It's laughable, but deeply pathetic since that online trait is mirrored in real life by Filpinos, especially in the saunas in this city.  Stop dancing around your nationality.  Spit it out and take it like a man.

So what if your country's main exports are its people...?  Without Filipinos, large chunks of the world's economy would come to a grinding halt.  You guys are more of an economic force than you realize and the unsung heroes of so much of what non-Filipinos take for granted.

Remind FuelMix again what Gay Pride is all about...?

See also Frustrated, Fat, Gay Filipino

Originally published 2 March 2010
Amended and Republished 4 August 2018 

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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Gay Men And Forgiveness 2

It’s not difficult to find a gay man who has been hurt by another gay man. 

Sure, there might be different degrees of hurt. Some offenses were probably more subtle, while others were more blatant and outward. Regardless, they all can leave a mark. 

The reality is that many gay men are carrying past hurt with them day in and day out. The experience and wound gets re-opened each time they think about the look, insult or slur that was thrown their way. Instead of healing, the wound gets sliced open over and over again. 

On the other side, there are gay men out there who continue to hurt other gay men. Their view of the world is narrow and self-absorption is a way of life. Their self is the center of the world and they swing violently throughout the bars, beaches and community, much like a wrecking ball (cue Miley Cyrus). 

All of this creates a recipe for long-lasting grudges, cycles of hurt and monumental barriers to forming a sense of community among gay men. 

Is this presence of skepticism, paranoia and suspicion of gay men toward other gay men an old phenomenon? Or is this new? Is it something that wasn’t ever talked about or acknowledged before or are we facing a brand new beast? 

What I don’t hear a lot within the gay community is the concept of forgiveness. 

Merriam-Webster says to forgive is to “stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong)” and “to stop blaming (someone).” To “stop feeling anger about (something) and “to forgive someone for (something wrong)”. 

While there are certainly pockets and moments of love shown between gay men, there is also burning rage in the hearts of many — especially those who have been hurt time and again. 

Both Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi spoke strongly about forgiving others. King said, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” And Gandhi boldly proclaimed, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”. 

It’s safe to say that most gay men have been hurt by other gay men at some point in their lives. What would it look like for you to forgive the gay men that have hurt you in your life? Is it possible for you to let go of that hurt you’ve been carrying around for days weeks, months or even decades? Do you believe reconciliation is even possible? 

Maybe forgiveness is a muscle we’ve allowed to get flabby and weak. Maybe we’ve been holding out for an apology from our perpetrator that may never arrive. The truth is that when we refuse to forgive others, we only imprison ourselves. 

Every gay man reading this gets to decide: Will I carry anger or love in my heart? You can’t carry both. 

Yes, we need to educate our fellow gay men and be bold in confronting racism, classism, ageism and other -isms that too often go unaddressed in our community. 

I fear, however, that without an element of forgiveness, our posture toward one another will continue to harden. The distance and divide will increase and the toxic words we throw toward one another will become increasingly sharp and pointed. 

There’s very little hope of cultivating community and friendships when we can’t stand one another and when we won’t forgive. 

Forgiveness is messy. It’s complicated. Maybe we’re afraid to air our “dirty laundry” to the larger world. If we’re real honest with ourselves, gay men are not at all immune to hating one another. Perhaps a part of you hates other gay men in this very moment. 

While writing this, I came across these powerful words from Archbishop Desmond Tutu:

Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking, but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end, only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing.

Will gay men step forward to choose forgiveness? Will I? Will you? What will be your first step toward forgiving your fellow gay men?..................


-----"What If Gay Men Forgave One Another?",  by Josh Hersh, July 17, 2014, The Blog, Huffington Post 

See also: Gay Men And Forgiveness 1

The Huge Rise In Gay Scat Porn 5

Mainland Chinese Twinks In Gay Scat Porn

At first, we didn't believe what we were being told over the last few months.

We'd written a four-part series on the rise of gay scat porn on the web (and by extension, in real time) speculating on the reasons for its popularity in the West and why conventional Faggotry couldn't do a thing about it.  The series proved surprisingly riveting for readers.

Our friendly GAM-Throats-On-The-Street started whispering something we were not expecting to hear........initially, we dismissed it as gossip.

Then, proof was provided on the street via their smartphones and more proof via memorized URLs recited to us.  We checked on our phone and on our laptop and BANG...!! there it was.

We can only put it down to China's emergence on the world stage:

Mainland Chinese gay twinks are participating in and uploading very raunchy gay scat porn on certain sites, notably Tumblr, Pornhub and Xtube.  These are high resolution amateur videos.

And we do men Very Raunchy.  This is full-on Asian gay raunch which will give Japanese gay porn producers, traditionally the masters of kink, S&M and raunch, several reasons to sit up and take notice.

Apparently there's even a slang-on-the-street for this Mainland Chinese niche genre:  Yellow River and Brown Rice.

It is rumoured that since Grindr is now Chinese-owned and since Mainland Chinese gay hookup sites like Blued are extremely popular with the 18 - 25 year olds, that being gay and discussing, advertising or hooking up - and filming -  for what would have been taboo sex, is now out in the open.

From what we can tell, wwwaaaaaaayyyyyy out in the open.

See also:

• The Huge Rise In Gay Scat Porn 1
• The Huge Rise In Gay Scat Porn 2
• The Huge Rise In Gay Scat Porn 3
• The Huge Rise In Gay Scat Porn 4

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
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You're Douching Wrong

The common misperception in the gay community is that you need to douche before sex.  Doctors say it could wreck your colon instead.

Like many bottoms, my gay friend George* has a harrowing story about using an enema before anal sex. "I had met a guy on Grindr," he said. "I get to his place and ring the doorbell. As he opened the door to say hi, I coughed and shat out a load of poo water into my underwear. Loudly. I had to run into his flat, straight to the toilet, and throw my underwear away. It was all down my legs. It killed the mood, needless to say. And, yes, I left the dirty underwear there." 

Among bottoms, learning the art and science of douching—using an enema, syringe, or hose to flush out the rectal cavity before getting rammed to high heaven—is a sacred rite of passage.  Like the asses they irrigate, douches come in all shapes and sizes, from readily available Fleet brand saline bottles to complicated shower contraptions for seasoned vets. It's a messy reality of taking dick up your butt: If you don't want to end up with a disappointed top and a gross sex situation on your hands, a courteous bottom needs to douche beforehand. Or so many within the gay community think.

In the interest of all my dirty bottoms out there, I asked a few doctors what one should do to prevent horror stories like George's. What's really the best way to douche? The answer surprised me—according to medical experts, you probably shouldn't be doing it at all.

"I usually tell patients to just put a towel down on those fancy sheets and go for it," said Dr. Stephen Goldstone, an assistant clinical professor of surgery at Mount Sinai Hospital and a specialist in anorectal disease and gay men's health. Goldstone is the author of The Ins & Outs of Gay Sex: A Medical Handbook, so he knows a thing or two.

Dr. Evan Goldstein, who founded the gay men's sexual wellness practice Bespoke Surgical (and is one of the country's foremost anal rejuvenators), provided a helpful hypothetical. "Imagine if you line up ten guys, and you're going to top them all," he said, describing a modest Thursday evening at The Eagle. "Even if they haven't prepared, nine out of ten would be completely stool-free."  

That's because, contrary to what your gay best friend or some insufferable YouTube personality told you, you don't truly need to clean out before riding the baloney pony all night long. It all comes down to anatomy. As Dr. Goldstein told me, stool resides in the sigmoid colon, the part of the large intestine closest to the rectum and anus. There, you'll find a muscle that keeps poo from going into the rectum and through the anus until you're actually ready to, you know, poo. That means there shouldn't be any stool where the top's dick is going, unless your top is hung like Jon Hamm times Justin Theroux.

You're probably about to say, "Yeah, but when I douche all kinds of poo comes out." You're not wrong. The thing about enemas and irrigation devices is that they were made for people with actual constipation issues, not bottoms. When we douche, the force of water propelled into the colon goes past the area that actually needs to be clean for sex, up into the sigmoid colon. That fills the feces up there with water, and then washes it all out, which is the point of the enema in the first place. An enema cleans out way more than you need to for sex, making your butthole even dirtier in the process. And many people do this repeatedly, until the water comes out clear. That's like draining a whole pool just to get a few leaves out when you could be using a skimmer instead. (Though it's possible for a dick to enter the sigmoid colon depending on one's individual anatomy, it's not common.)

The doctors added that over-the-counter enemas weren't intended to be used on a regular basis, either. "Fleet [brand enemas] are not great," Dr. Goldstein said. "They cause a lot of trauma. The chemical in there creates irritation. It brings water into the movement so you can poop away, but it causes the cells [of the rectum] to get irritated. It creates tons of mucus and tons of dryness in the area." That dryness can lead to cracks and bleeding, which can also make it easier to pass some STDs. 

Dr. Goldstone points out that douching too often can lead to other, long-lasting problems, too. "If you're doing it every day, there are a lot of issues with enemas. You can lengthen your colon, and that can lead to constipation later in life," he said. Yep, your worst fears are true: the constant pushing required to expel all of that water-logged poop can blow out the anal sphincters that keep it in, causing irreparable harm that can mess up bowel movements down the road. Dr. Goldstone said symptoms of that damage aren't often evident until it's too late. 

"That's what's so dangerous about it," he said. "It's not threatening, but it's a real pain in the ass, so to speak, it can make you uncomfortable and miserable."

What should you do instead? Well, probably nothing. Both doctors recommended a simple shower before bottoming, using plain water to clean the butthole and a little bit inside, too. If that's not sufficient, there's probably something wrong with your diet. Try adding fiber for bulkier stools, which can be found in leafy green vegetables and other fiber-rich foods. If you don't like waiting in line at Sweetgreen, you can always try fiber supplements like Metamucil. There's even a supplement that explicitly targets the gay market: Pure for Men,  which is made with the same psyllium husk, flaxseed and chia found in other over-the-counter fiber products, presumably manufactured extra… homosexually. Dr. Goldstein noted that every booty is different, so you'll need to experiment to find the timing and dosage of fiber to ensure maximum cleanliness for you.

For those who still insist on doing something—anything—up there before sex, Dr. Goldstein said it's best to douche using plain water and just a tiny bit of pressure from an enema bulb. But buyer beware. "When someone has a big bulb in front of them, they just want to squeeze the fuck out of it and get all of the water in there," he said. Remember, you only need to clean a few inches, not your entire gut.  

Both doctors said that any butt should be ready to rumble with a moment's notice. If you don't believe that, try sticking a dildo or buttplug in there and pulling it out. If there's no brown stuff on it, then you're fine. If there is, think about refining your diet or using supplements.  

What does all our anxiety about douching say about gay culture? That we need to chill out (without turning to poppers). The gay community sets notoriously unrealistic expectations for itself on everything from ideal body type to the "value" of masculinity;  expecting absolute cleanliness in sex is much the same. After all, if you keep going down that rabbit hole, eventually you're going to meet the rabbit, and there's nothing really wrong with that. Or, as Dr. Goldstone said, "No matter what you do, it's always going to be an asshole. You can't enemize it into something it's not."  

 *not his real name

-----"Gay Guys: You're Douching Wrong", vice.com June 17, 2017

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Parkside (Uptown Funk And Suck)

"I think this is a gay bar without the drinks...!!" whispered the 20-something female to her anemic looking boyfriend, "they're giving YOU dirty looks...!!....I don't think we should be here....look at all these GUYS.....they're by themselves standing close to each other or walking around nearby staring at the other guys.....what are they DOING....??!!"

"Uhh...OK..." muttered the boyfriend, looking alarmed and insecure, "just keep walking, I won't make eye contact with any of them..."  The sound of her clattering stilettos rapidly faded away. Silence once again descended on the very dark corner of the park at 10pm on a weekday.

"....any of them"  being not less than an astonishing 28 fags clustered in what is rapidly becoming the most notorious open secret in local Fagland, attracting a daily evening feed of regulars - GAMs, whites, students, office guys, chubs, gym guys and tourists in the know -  PLUS the usual trash of Mainland Chinese moneyboys some of whom remove their shirts - as if that's gonna help their case  - PLUS creepy, horny, vaginally-deprived Pakis and Indians with thick accents, dubious identity documents, claming to live "alone" ("alone" being a cubicle in a sub-divided flat with 12 others), making clucking noises like parrots whist scoping a deal for their cock and his cash.

If the usual trash of moneyboys and creepy Pakis was added to the mix, "any of them..." would be approaching a total of 40.

FuelMix stared in amazement and disbelief.  It was a fuckin' Tuesday night for chrissakes....what the hell would this place look like on Friday nights and weekends..??!!

In the darkness and deep silence of massive trees and artfully planted shrubbery, time stood still.  Fags were draped across railings and benches, their eyes transfixed.  If they moved, it was a peculiar combination of vigilance and torpor.  The scene was reminiscent of Wagler Pit Vipers found in the dimly lit Penang Snake Temple, with illegal smoking being rancid incense.

Slithering around curved paths lined with pubic bushes, they bared their fangs and hissed at each other in mutual contempt.

Then, something would happen. One or more fags would twitch in erotic anticipation and squirm towards each other.  Like reptiles, they bent and twisted to avoid unflattering park lamps from hitting their skin.  Darkness, or a semblance thereof, was necessary as they groped and rubbed themselves against each other. One would fall to his knees, a backpack would scrape against the ground,  the sound of a zip opening, sucking noises and moans, hips thrusting.  Minutes later, gulping noises and a strangled orgasm.  A white flourish of Kleenex, sounds of zipping up, a backpack scooped up and footsteps disappearing.

He'd be back.

(Or, in the words of Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars, "Don't believe me..? Just watch..")



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Gay Men And Forgiveness 1

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

Sex is easy. Intimacy is hard. Having spent so much of my life sexually frustrated, I didn’t realize how true this is until after a painful breakup with my ex, Kay.

I partially came out at 20. I came out more fully at twenty-five. But I didn’t really properly date until I was 29. Which means I had about a 10-year lag on most heterosexuals. The romantic and sexual experiences that most other people go through earlier, I went through later, but with the same emotionally undeveloped tools as an adolescent. 

So when I met Kay, I rushed in. I felt too much, too fast, and then we fell apart. 

This happens to straight people too of course. But I think our straight peers have the advantage of a larger culture that better equips them to deal with romantic failure. They receive mentorship either directly from friends or family, or indirectly from media, on how to recover from a failed relationship. 

At least for me, I spent much of my adolescence and early adulthood having my own sexual interests dismissed. And so when I finally found a guy who provided the fulfillment of a meaningful relationship, and then had my heart broken, I felt like there was never a point to it. I was rejected by straight culture, and now I’d been rejected by my own. I gave up on any kind of “happily ever after.” 

For a full week after Kay and I ended, I barely left my apartment and just sat streaming videos. I burned through all of True Detective and much of The Wire. Cocktail hour started at sunrise. I deleted him from my phone. I felt lonely all the time. I still do sometimes, though I’m better now at managing it.

Everyone at some point finds themselves feeling abandoned, as though alone in a boat. But as a gay man, I felt adrift, with neither rudder, oar, nor sail, as I watched my straight peers move on ahead. They too went through many of the same struggles, but always seemed to recover better and faster, while I bobbed around at the whim of the waves, traveling each way and none. 

I pursued myriad shallow relationships, rather than investing and losing too much by giving too much to one person. There are ten guys in my list of contacts with the last name “OKCupid.” There are 23 with the last name “Grindr”. For one of them, as a first name I just wrote “Some Dude.” Those are just the ones who made it into my contacts. 

I found lots of opportunities for easy sex, but didn’t push for anything more from the guys I met. 

I even hooked up with the same guy twice and didn’t even realize I’d had sex with him before until, as we were undressing, I recognized a familiar birthmark otherwise hidden by underwear. I still don’t know his name. 

Kay and I lived in the same city, which meant that we would run into each other occasionally. Each time it had been painful to pretend that we were strangers. As two gay men between the age of twenty and forty living in a small city, we were going to share space. We’ve probably shared lovers. But the isolation we’d brought on ourselves had been its own kind of burden. Even worse than the break up itself. The breakup happened and ended. The loneliness that came from going unacknowledged dragged on and on. 

Recently, I was wrapping up breakfast with a man I’d been seeing for eight months. (Both of us had been cautious—we hadn’t had the “boyfriend” talk. Love comes more slowly the second time around.) I received a text with the name heading: New Contact Found: Maybe Kay.

When I got the text, beginning, “Hi, this is Kay,” I felt fearful, anxious and angry. I looked at the calendar: It had been three years and two days since our first date. 

Kay was texting to say that he was sorry for how he had treated our relationship. For years, this was what I had most wanted from Kay. I didn’t want him to beg for forgiveness, or tell me that he loved me, I just wanted him to see that how we ended had left me hurt. But, even more than that, I wanted him to recognize that we had, once, been important to each other. 

The funny thing was, once Kay apologized to me, I realized I could do the same for him. There were things about our relationship that I was sorry for. I had done things I regretted, and had wanted to apologize for, but hadn’t because I thought it would make me look like a chump. I was the one who got dumped. So why should I be the one to say I was sorry? 

But after this exchange, I could feel my anger and resentment toward Kay evaporating. He had been trying to identify what was important to him, and had realized that he needed to take better care of his relationships. It was not something that came easily to him, but he was trying to do better. 

I felt that he meant what he wrote, and I made the choice to believe him. Mostly because I’ve been feeling the same way. And acknowledging that it, and each other, has let me release a lot of weight I’d been dragging around ever since we split. Yes, I had been avoiding Kay. But I had also been avoiding my own fears of intimacy. 

I’d tried to dodge every single guy I’d ever been on so much as a date with, which meant strategizing how to best navigate an ever growing minefield of discarded lovers. Sure, when Kay and I crossed paths we pretended we didn’t know each other, but I’d been doing that with everyone who’d shared my bed. 

Recently, I reached out to another ex after a chance encounter in a thrift store. When I saw Luis in the store, I spun around and walked out. Almost immediately I felt embarrassed and went back inside to apologize, but he had already left, or else was hiding in the dressing room. So I texted him to say how sorry I was that I had avoided him. That the next time I saw him I would say hello. 

Kay and I will probably never be friends. We don’t need to be. But at least we aren’t strangers any more. We can say hello when we see each other in the street. I even opened up my contacts and put his name back in.

-----"Dealing with Rejection: Living openly and learning to forgive", by Cirrus Wood, Beta, October 11, 2017


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Revenge Porn 3

6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It



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Copyright vests in the lawful copyright holders
 
(3)  Taking legal action

1.  Considering all the noise being made to globally control the Web, there are no uniform laws concerning revenge porn.

2.  Depending on location, the laws specifically against revenge porn are either non-existent or, may exist at a state or provincial level or, may exist at both state and federal level. Note that in the absence of an overriding federal law, if the victim and offender live in different states, it may be necessary to take legal action in both states.

3.  Note also that revenge porn laws apply to legally underage offending teenagers uploading revenge porn images of another underage teenager.  Instead of being charged under child pornography laws, they can be charged with distributing an invasive image, or threatening to upload an invasive image.

4.  Even if there are no nationwide laws specifically against revenge porn where you live, the fact remains that the unauthorized sharing of a sexual image can still end up being a criminal offence under existing laws:

• Harassment
• Stalking
• Intimidation
• Blackmail
• Extortion
• Breach of Privacy Laws - unauthorized use of personal identifying information
• Hacking of computer or peripherals or mobile phone
• Identity Theft
• Incitement - when your image is uploaded to other sites and users are invited to comment
• If the victim was underage, child porn laws might apply.

5.  Civil proceedings may also be possible for harm to personal and professional reputation.  Remember in civil cases, you start the action.  In criminal cases, you will have to persuade the police to bring it.

6.  Also, notifying government agencies that a revenge porn website is engaging in unfair, criminal and unethical business practices may get you some relief and put the heat on the proprietors of that website.

7.  And for those gay men thinking of getting into a formal relationship with a Significant Other...? A prenuptial agreement that contains terms specifically dealing with privacy issues and ownership of sexually explicit images PLUS undertakings not to spread them if the relationship breaks.  After all, if you decide who gets to keep the Lalique crystal vases, why should your dick pics be any different..?

Originally published 26 March 2017
Republished 24 March 2018

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Revenge Porn 2

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn

We have drawn from the article, "How to Fight Back Against Revenge Porn", The Daily Beast, 1 December 2016.

1.  Breathe. Keep breathing.  Calm down.

2.  Defending yourself from a revenge porn attack involves 3 main steps:

• Collect the evidence;
• Getting the evidence wiped from the web;
• Taking legal action;

 (1)  Collect  The Evidence

1.  Save everything.  Repeat. Save everything. Resist the initial panic reaction to thrash around to get every pic and video of you removed.  Without the evidence, the behaviour cannot be criminalized.  Save the following:

• the pics
• the video
• screenshot of the web page where it appears
• upload dates
• all messages sent by the offender
• view counts
• all comments made by viewers - the comments may be derogatory, abusive, violent and graphic.  That helps your case in showing the harm of revenge porn because those commenting are also engaging in harassment.

2.  Re-adjust your social media privacy settings- with two factor authentication if possible.  This is because the offender may upload the images to dedicated revenge porn websites, reveal your social media handles, screen shots of your social media pages and encourage others to stalk, harass or hack.

3.  However do NOT block the offender from sending you messages as you still need to build up the evidence against him.

4.  To understand the scale of the revenge porn attack against you, Google your own name using derogatory search words that those into revenge porn might use.  For example:

• "Michael Smith cocksucking faggot bitch in Singapore"
• "Michael Smith cum swallowing faggot in Singapore"
• "Michael Smith cock sucking white Singapore accountant and closet faggot"
• "white trash faggot accountant Michael Smith in Singapore"
• "Michael Smith in Singapore is a cum swallowing accountant and cock whore"

5.  If those search terms lead to revenge porn sites with you on them, remember to keep screen shots of each one of them.


(2)  Getting The Evidence Wiped From The Web

1. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative has produced an Online Removal Guide that covers Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, Yahoo, Google, Microsoft.

2.  From October 2105, PornHub, the largest porn site on the Web, launched a new content removal form for revenge porn victims to file take  down requests more easily.


COMING UP IN PART 3:

6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

Originally published 22 March 2017
Amended and Republished 20 March 2018

Copyright © 2006 – 2018 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Revenge Porn 1

1.  Definition of Revenge Porn
2.  Social Media : Temptation, Apathy And Negligence
3.  Gay Men, Lousy Manners And Spite
4.  Revenge Porn In Context
5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It


1.  Revenge Porn 
      (or Non-Consensual Porn, or Vindictive Porn)

Underlining highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

Revenge Porn - Revenge porn (sometimes lengthened to revenge pornography) is the sexually explicit portrayal of one or more people distributed without their consent via any medium. The sexually explicit images or video may be made by a partner of an intimate relationship  with the knowledge and consent of the subject, or it may be made without his or her knowledge. The possession of the material may be used by the perpetrators to blackmail the subjects into performing other sex acts, to coerce them into continuing the relationship, or to punish them for ending the relationship.....

The term "revenge porn" generally refers to the uploading of this sexually explicit material to humiliate and intimidate the subject, who has broken off the relationship. The term is also often misused to describe non 'revenge' scenarios, including non-consensual pornography distributed by hackers or by individuals seeking profit or notoriety.  The images are usually accompanied by sufficient information to identify the pictured individual, typically names and locations, and can include links to social media to profiles, home addresses and workplaces.  Victims, whose images expose them to workplace discrimination, cyber-stalking or physical attack, can have their lives ruined as a result. Given the practice by some companies of searching for potential sources of bad publicity, many victims of revenge porn have lost their jobs and found themselves effectively unhirable.

-----Wikipedia, Revenge Porn

2.  Social Media : Temptation, Apathy And Negligence

1.  In Principles of Faggotry 32 we said this:

A dumb fag with a smart phone is a dangerous combination.

2.  What were getting at, was the danger of pervasive technology as well as the abuse and temptation they presented.  The plethora of social media, the access given to "followers", sexual hook-up apps,  hacking tools, photoshop ability - and now, A.I.-generated fake porn superimposing heads on other bodies, present a formidable array of options and weapons.

3.  There is a lot of social pressure to be on social media.  Very few gay men will stop to ask, "What for..?"  

4.  We suspect that gay men, in their never-ending quest for cock, are too jaded (or drug- fucked) to care, too negligent, haven't considered the web trail they've left, who has been given access to their pictures and videos, or they are more interested in creating multiple profiles to theoretically enhance their chances of getting sex.

5.  So, what are the fertile areas for revenge porn..?

• Lots of pics of you online that have been there for a while - and you may have lost track of where they all are;
• X-rated ads on hookup sites that could be traced to you;
• X-rated pics or videos you took of yourself and sent to the other party;
• X-rated pics or videos of both of you, knowing that both of you were being filmed and each party has a copy;
• G-rated or professional headshot pics of you that you uploaded to social media like Facebook or professional networking sites like LinkedIn;
• Innocent workplace pics taken with colleagues;
• WhatsApp or other messaging apps that turn into "sexting";
• Chat room conversations that can be saved;
• Hacking of mobile phone, laptop or desktop;
• Hacking of external hard drives and flash drives;
• Lost or stolen phones or laptops, not properly secured for authenticated entry;
• And no, faggot, Snapchat is not that safe.  Screen shots can still be made of images;

As the University of Adelaide's Law School pointed out in their online resource on revenge porn and cyberbullying, there is a deliberate or unconscious ignorance of the boundaries of sexual behaviour and online communication.  In other words, it's a minefield out there.  Not only is there pervasive and probably illegal intelligence agency spying of your laptop, desktop, tablet and mobile going on worldwide, but your cock-focused encounters carry high risks other that STDs. The Web has destroyed anonymity and seriously damaged personal integrity.


3.  Gay Men, Lousy Manners And Spite

1.  In Principles of Faggotry 82  we said this:

A Screaming Fag is perfectly capable of dishing out the Silent Treatment.

Frequently, in abortive attempts to hookup online and after pictures have been swapped, one party suddenly gets dropped without explanation - whether or not their stats are acceptable.  Face it.  It's happened to nearly every fag with a USB connection.  Emails and WhatsApp messages are ignored or blocked. The private window in the chat room goes silent or is abruptly shut. The Silent Treatment is in full swing.  The party on the receiving end of it is puzzled, humiliated and angry.  Fags are notorious for their utter lack of online manners.  It shows no signs of getting better. 

2.  Frustrated, pissed off and feeling cheated that having swapped pics, he was suddenly dumped, the wounded fag is in a perfect position to retaliate through revenge porn or online bad-mouthing, or uploading a fake profile with the other guy's pic and then claiming that guy is HIV or some other allegation.  Note that there is no relationship between them, other than the fact that both were looking for a hookup.  That sense of overwhelming cyber-rage triggered by another guy's lousy manners, is more widespread than the average fag will feel comfortable admitting.

 3.  "Sexting" is another problematic area that can go from flirtation to bullying and then abuse...and then revenge porn.


4.  Revenge Porn In Context

1.  It's a mistake to think that revenge porn only affects women since a lot of media coverage has focused on them.  The reality is that gay men are prime targets, because of their scattered online presence plus repeated ads and pics on the same sites - and even more so in those countries where Web usage is censored or monitored and where being gay or having gay sex, can carry severe penalties.  For example, in the United Arab Emirates where gay sex is illegal, there is no shortage of guys putting up their selfies on hookup apps, while offering to pay premium prices for a bottle of poppers - which are also illegal.

2.  Revenge porn might be a phenomenon but it does not operate in a vacuum. It operates within a continuum that ranges from entrapment (pic collector with a motive), anger, abuse, betrayal, bullying, blackmail, drug-taking, drug-dealing, date-rape, intimidation, threats, stalking, theft, reputational and professional damage. 

3.  There's some good news.  The criminal and civil remedies to deal with revenge porn come from the same continuum.

COMING UP IN PART 2:

5.  "OMG..!! WTF..??!!" You: The Star Of Revenge Porn
6.  Nailing The Bastard Who Did It

Originally published 22 March 2017
Amended and Republished 19 March 2018 


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No One Over 35

"Mind if I join you...?" slurred the nameless elderly Stocky White Fag, waving a lurid Green Tea Frappucino, as he lowered his fat waist into the hopelessly inadequate cafe chair at Starbucks downtown.  He was the self-confessed rimming addict who a few months ago in the sauna, spooned Haagen-Dazs Rum Raisin ice cream into FuelMix's muscled ass and ate it out to satisfy his cravings for confectionery and butt.

"Looong time no seeee.....!!..... he purred and winked, "How's that hot ass of yours..??  Thawed out yet after I froze your hole...??  Ate all the raisins.....cleaned you up real good huh.....??

"Heh....yeah..." grinned FuelMix, "I can't walk into a Haagen-Dazs without getting flashbacks..."

SWF:  Wanna hear a joke about gay guys...?"

FM: Sure

SWF:  You know that I'm a gay porn afficionado.....I know my porn like other people know the art hanging on their walls, or fine wine.....I have quite the collection going back decades....sort of like a carnal history of men you know.....

FM:  Yeah, so you mentioned in the sauna....after you'd finished your...um..."snack"...

SWF:  And you know how these gays whine online about, "No one over 35..?"

FM:  Yeah 

SWF: I was trawling through gay porn on Tumblr and nearly shit myself laughing.  Some of those sites are uploading porn that is about 30 years old - and I'm NOT talking about sites specializing in "Vintage Gay Porn".....I'm talking about the usual sites peddling sucking, fucking or - my favourite - rimming action.  Tumblrs are self-curated.  They pick from each other.  There's a ton of 30 year old porn out there, particularly in the muscle boy and bodybuilder category, and it takes an "expert" like me to spot it.  I'm spotting stuff from gay porn mags from the late 1980s and a lot of early 1990s pics from "Colt" who specialized in bodybuilders.

FM:  So...what's the joke....?

SWF:  All these gays screeching "No One Over 35" in their online ads, are hooked on porn that is 30 to 35 years old...!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!! THE GUYS THEY'RE JACKING OFF TO ARE NOW IN THEIR 60s...!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....!!!  And these fuckin' gays don't have a clue...!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....!!! And everybody knows, most of these gay porn stars don't age well because of drugs.....most of them will look like shit now HAHAHAHAHAHA......!!  

FM: [giggles] 

SWF:  What's even funnier...??  These Tumblr sites curated by 20-something horny college boys, are uploading pics of DEAD GAY PORN actors....!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!  - and putting captions like, "I'd totally date him.." or "OMG..!! He's so fuckin' hot... I need to suck him now..!" They're so clueless...!!  I'm coming across dead porn guys like Joey Stefano who died in 1994 at 26, Steve Fox in 1997 at 32, Roman Ragazzi who died in 2012 at 38....jeez, there's tons of dead gay porn stars on Tumblr, many of whom killed themselves, like the three I just mentioned. 

FM: [sighs]

SWF: If I tell people these days that I'm a porn afficionado, they'll say I'm a porn addict.  But I know my porn history that's what.  And these fuckin' twinks are jacking off to guys who are now in their 60s or suicidal porn stars. And they're utterly clueless.  When they give me attitude in the sauna these days, 'coz I'm an older guy, I just snicker and think, "Hey kid, I know you smoke, I know you snort poppers and I know you do drugs.....let's see how long YOU live, sweetheart.."

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Wearing My Propaganda

1.  Mainland Chinese Over Here
2.  American Brands And Propaganda in Asia
3.  Then There Are The Fags..... 

1.  Mainland Chinese Over Here

1.  Here in Very Rich Megacity, as rich as we think we are, Mainland Chinese - whether visiting or living here -  with Louis Vuitton suitcases and offshore accounts of unexplained and inexplicable oodles of cash, shame us.  Nobody knows exactly how, when and where they made such fantastic sums, but the local Cantonese speaking in a tone that is simultaneously derisive, awe-struck and envious, describe Mainland Chinese cash as "grey money" or the more sinister, "black money".

2.  Mainland Chinese can be found lined up around the block outside the priciest and glitziest fashion, jewellery and high-end watch retailers downtown. They don't just swarm onto the premises like locusts.  They infest the entire mall like cockroaches.  Those are the descriptions of the local Cantonese - descriptions which the government in Very Rich Megacity threatened to criminalize as it didn't show respect and tolerance to "our Mainland brothers and sisters" [sic].

3.  These Mainland Chinese show up with empty high-end Rimova or Tumi suitcases which are wheeled around down, filled with the day's shopping.  It’s all about the brand names – anything that sounds French, Italian or Swiss,  money no object.   It’s not about the style, or the chic or the appreciation of the tailoring or the craftsmanship.   They don’t have a clue.  And frankly, they don't care.

4.  It’s about the swagger and the shrill, slant-eyed shriek of conspicuous consumption.  It’s propaganda by Designer Label and Designer Bling.  They're modeling the power of their cash.


2.  American Brands And Propaganda in Asia

1.  Then there are those American brands retailing in Asia who use generic, white models in nautical, country, urban and semi-sexual settings with pecs, muscled torso or tits on display. The colours on the brand’s logo, a combination of red, white and blue ,evoke the US national flag or national symbol like an eagle.  Or, the brand may hype the Southern Californian lifestyle with glossy videos and promos of sun-kissed, (white) blondish, surfer or jock types  The clothes may be manufactured in China, India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Malaysia, Philippines, Indonesia or Turkey but the T-shirts and the jackets will overwhelmingly have the city, university, military, police or sports teams names of the United States.

2.  The preferred clientele in Asia is 18 to 35, preferably Western educated, weaned on Western values during their formative years and ideally, weaned on mobile devices.  They are avid consumers of Western trash TV -  specifically American - catering to that age group where the artfully arranged actors are wearing exactly those clothes on the rack.

3.  It’s about the attitude, the assumed freedom of choice, the democracy of it all, the camaraderie of style.  In fact it’s a social hypnosis.  The American-intoxicated consumer is unable to realize that they are an unpaid walking billboard for an insidious form of propaganda  –  that “MY values should be YOUR values”;  that “MY way of living (flakey though it may be) is better than YOURS”;  that “MY clothes are an expression of freedom”, "that MY cities are more important than YOUR cities".

4.  If that's hard to swallow, remember that in the days after September 11, 2001 official statements from US politicians proclaimed that American values were not negotiable and were to be exported.  Further, that the US had no problem shaping other people's reality.

5.  Wake up idiot.  We're not suggesting you stop wearing US brands.  But you'd better admit that not only are you wearing the equivalent of a cheaply made, high priced Mao suit charged to your VISA card, but you are a walking billboard of Reality Conditioning manipulated from halfway across the world for their benefit - not yours.  Propaganda takes many forms you know.  It can be fashionable, ubiquitous, high-priced, sexy and subtle.

6.  But when that propaganda is turned on them, that's when it gets hilarious, yet utterly accurate.  For example, Americans love to deride those from South West Asia (formerly known as the Middle East) as "sand niggers", "rag-heads" or "towel-heads".  Yet nearly every American male and his Syphilis bacteria, wears a backward-facing baseball cap, often with a logo.  Those caps are ubiquitous and are worn everywhere, indoors and out, regardless of the main items of clothing.  When we pointed out that they were the turbans of the white trash, the howls of outrage caused us to laugh for days.

3.  Then There Are The Fags.....

1.  Whether or not subsidized by a Sugar Daddy,  some fags will head straight into Designer Label and Designer Bling.  The look and attitude accessorizes nicely with amphetamines.  After all, he worked hard in the gym that week.  He deserves a chemical and stylized treat.

2.  Many fags gravitate towards a combination of those Western brands mentioned above and specifically gay-wear. That body conscious fit is all-important. It’s the mobile Resume of the state of his pecs, biceps, thighs and ass.  A padded jockstrap  or a cock ring is de rigeur.

3.  Fags will rationalize and say that they’re supporting gay (or gay-friendly) designers and that the clothes are just fabulous.  That may be true but the propaganda of gay-wear is Defiance and Daring.  That’s not a bad thing if you have the looks and the bod.  It serves as inspiring eye candy and cross-marketing.  Remember, it's a fine line between marketing and propaganda.

4.  We suspect that however much manufacturers may deny it, it's no accident that compression shorts, the ultra-fitted tights and shirts seen in gyms and on professional athletes, also evolved from gay street and club wear - but now marketed generally as “enhancing your performance” or “increasing your aerodynamics…” or "helping muscle recovery.." or ".....whilst wicking sweat away from your body....."

5.  How else could a str8 guy go home and look his GF in the face.....?

Originally published 4 May 2011
Amended and Republished 6 February 2018

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Grindr Fatigue

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

It’s pointless to try and argue the validity of apps like Grindr and Scruff in today’s gay culture. Whether we like it or not, social media is on a fast track to being the primary way in which we communicate with one another. But there is a difference between using gay social apps to meet new people and spending hours upon hours fixated on the sexual gratification of dick picks and hook-up possibilities. Gay hook-up sites are nothing new, but the increasing popularity and constant accessibility of social media apps has led, in many ways, to the dehumanization of gay men. In other words, Grindr, Scruff and the rest of the lot are creating a bunch of gay sex robots who only know how to communicate with each other via pictures and sexual function.

Anyone who uses social media has been somewhat limited by the nature of engagement. But whereas Facebook at least requires somewhat of a sense of transparency and accountability, apps like Grindr allow the user to operate under the guise of anonymity. This, unfortunately, plays into a darker side of our psyche that takes an unfiltered and inhumane approach to human interaction where the user treats other users like players in a sexual video game.

While at a work meeting or getting a coffee, a person can practically annihilate a person’s self esteem. This, because vulgarity, rudeness and all-out prejudice thinly veiled under the pretense of “honesty,” has sadly become the status quo. A user often forgets that there is a person behind the torso picture. This casual daily phenomenon has led many people to be saddened by the state of gay culture and the humanity of the modern gay man.

The virtual sex lives of gay men have even caught the attention of female columnists like Samantha Allen, a tech and health writer for The Daily Beast. In a recent article titled, “‘No Blacks’ Is Not a Sexual Preference, It’s Racism,’” Allen calls out the state of sexual racism that she says is particularly heated within the gay community.

She writes, “If you’re a gay man, phrases like ‘no blacks’ and ‘no Asians’ aren’t just words that you’d find on old signs in a civil rights museum, they are an unavoidable and current feature of your online dating experience. On gay dating apps like Grindr and Scruff, some men post blunt and often offensive disclaimers on their profiles such as ‘no oldies,’ ‘no fems,’ and ‘no fatties.’”

Naturally, the crude and rudimentary nature of “Grindr speech” is the type of language that most people would not use in face-to-face communication. And for good reason, this form of speech has virtually crippled the self-esteem of many of these popular hook-up app’s users.

John Harrell is an HIV-positive man from Seattle who chooses to disclose his status on his profile. He has gotten a variety of negative responses over his status, but this is the one he remembers most.
“OMG…WTF!!! You’re PROUD to be an AIDS infected Pandemic spreading, Pariah of Society, and cheer when others are infected with AIDS so you’re not the only one Spreading the Filth?!!! OMG!!!! 

Steve Martinez.....is also no stranger to encountering aggressive and hateful language on gay hook-up apps because of his HIV status.

“I was chatting with an older man on daddy hunt,” said Martinez. “The chatting was getting sexual and before meeting him I disclosed my HIV status. He responded with ‘you're disgusting.’ I replied he was ignorant for his age. Then he started calling me a liar and a dirty slut. I reported him to Daddyhunt. They reviewed our conversation and deleted his profile. Shortly after, I deleted my account. I feel kinda insecure and a little afraid now to meet new guys.”

These are but a few ways in which users of these apps can experience harmful engagements from other users. The anonymity granted by these apps can and often do lead to behavior with which the average user would be mortified to be associated with. Yet, even the most astute public persona can be guilty of reducing themselves to their lowest form. By simply using a face picture as a person’s user profile image, the language and behavior a [of] user is usually markedly improved.

But the widespread adoption of social media “hook-up” communication hasn’t only negatively influenced the way we virtually communicate, it has also spilled into our real life relationships. Many users of apps like Grindr and Scruff have reported developing an outright obsession with the virtual hook-up hunt. This form of Grindr mania, whether it be short-lived or a constant presence, has the ability to hinder a person’s relationships, work life, and even their chances at meeting potential love or lust interests ‘IRL.’[In Real Life]

Luke Stephens from Connecticut remembers when he became consumed with the art of the Grindr chase.

“It was Christmas and my mom was visiting me,” said Stephens. “I would’ve given her more of my time, but I was obsessed with three guys on Grindr whom I hadn’t even yet met. It was about the fourth day when I had had just about as much as I could take – so I deleted the conversations and deleted Grindr. My mom left a day later and I felt such guilt for not strengthening the familial relationship that was more important to me than some Grindr guys who didn’t respect the human being on the other end of the digital wall."

Social media hook-up apps are not inherently good or bad; they are merely the newest form of human interface. And like with anything new, it can take some time to develop and perfect our best style of communication. This isn’t a macro problem, it comes down to a micro decision of an individual to treat others like humans instead of virtual sex bots and balance your own virtual communication with your three dimensional life. So, if you believe that you are a nice guy in person, make sure your virtual self isn’t a total douche.

-----"Grindr Fatigue and the Dehumanization of Gay Men", hivequal.org October 28, 2015

SEE ALSO (by FuelMix): 

• Old School
• Days Of Whine And Neurosis

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