Sex Addiction 2 (Is It A Gay Thing..?)

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2.   Is Sex Addiction A Gay Thing?

Compulsive, problematic sexual behaviors are not solely a gay men’s issue. The diagnoses of sex, love, and porn addiction are equally widespread among straight and bisexual men, and those individuals act out in the same basic ways as gay men. The simple fact is today’s sex addicts, regardless of sexual orientation, locate sex partners via dating and prostitution websites, social media, and smartphone apps. The only real difference is gay men log on to Grindr, Manhunt, and Scruff, while straight guys use Skout, Blendr, and Ashley Madison. Gay and straight porn addicts also act out in similar ways, “losing themselves” in a seemingly endless online array of intensely stimulating graphic imagery – much of it user-generated thanks to the proliferation of webcams and HD cameras. Gay or straight, sex addicts live highly compartmentalized double lives, experiencing a variety of negative life consequences as a result of their compulsive acting out. Simply put, gay and straight sex addicts are much more alike than different.

That said, recognizing sexual addiction in gay men is sometimes tougher than it is with straight men, in part because Western gay culture encourages a wider range of sexual freedoms than does heterosexual culture. And while this is in most ways a positive (gay and proud) reaction to growing up in a shame-based, homophobic society, a counterculture of unrestrained sexual activity also tends to both enable and make it difficult to identify problematic sexual behavior patterns. In simple terms: If you spend all your free time in bars, it’s hard to determine if you are an alcoholic or just someone who likes to drink. Why? Because everyone there is drinking. Similarly, it is difficult to stand out as a sex addict when you live in a sexually permissive community. Most gay men live in such an environment, while most straight men don’t. Thus, it is typically easier for straight male sex addicts to notice when their sexual behavior becomes compulsive, excessive, and destructive.

It is important to note that gay male sex addicts are not compulsively sexual because of their sexual orientation. Rather, they are compulsively sexual as a way to self-medicate individual psychological issues – depression, anxiety, attachment disorders, social phobia, low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, etc. These are exactly the same underlying issues presented by straight and bisexual sex addicts, both male and female. Unfortunately for the gay male sex addict, his increasingly destructive patterns of behavior take place against a cultural background of dramatically greater sexual freedom than that experienced by other sex addicts. In some ways, the gay sex addicts are prisoner of their own autonomy, with fewer cultural opportunities for self-examination and less cultural support for behavioral change than the population in general. But this is changing. Many married gay men are no longer willing to put up with a partner who is out having sex with strangers two or three evenings a week. Like many attached, loving spouses of both genders, gay spouses are increasingly expressing dissatisfaction with non-monogamy and their partner engaging in random, casual sex. This is bringing more gay sex addicts than ever into treatment. 

---Robert Weiss, "Cruise Control: Understanding Gay Men And Sex Addiction", Freedom Institute 

COMING UP IN PART 3:

Gay Men And Technology

Originally published 22 May 2017
Republished 5 September 2017

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