Talking To Adam 3
The thing about being Pakistani and in your 20s is that a lot of the guys are really good looking. I'm not trying to brag, just telling you that 20 something athletic Pakistani guys get a lot of attention in this town - especially in the parks and downtown.
We are attractive - that whole part of the world is.......Chinese guys come after us, western guys come after us. We've left our families in Pakistan, we're here alone, we don't have that much money even if we are working legally, we need to make additional money to pay our way and to send some cash back to our families. So when we realized that men around here found us good looking, it was a simple decision to start charging.
I wish I could go to the gym more often. I can only afford the government fitness centres, but sometimes I don't have enough money for that. I get really frustrated because back in Pakistan, I played a lot of sports and had no trouble going to the gym. I was more muscular than I am now but I guess I'm looking OK.
I know where to hang out after work if I wanna make additional cash. The park downtown is pretty cruisy - sometimes all day, but usually from the early evenings onwards. There are other Pakistani guys in the park who are drug dealers, so I stay away from them. They deal in hashish smuggled from Afghanistan plus some other stuff. A lot of blacks and some whites buy stuff from them.
I can tell you that some of those Pakistani drug dealers are also moneyboys.........I'd be careful about those ones because they work in a gang. They'll trick you into going somewhere with them for sex and then the whole gang will show up, rough you up, take your wallet, that kinda stuff. Stay away from them.
I just do my own thing and wait for a guy to approach me. If he keeps staring at me and hanging around, I know he's looking. Could be a Chinese guy, could be a white guy who lives here, or could be white tourists specifically looking for a foreign guy and willing to pay. I hear these white guys are asking questions on the street from other Pakistanis downtown about where they can meet a hot Pakistani guy for fun. Sooner or later they find out about the park and show up.
A lot of guys wanna check me out more closely so they'll try and get me into the park toilet. They want me to lift my T-shirt to check out my body - how much muscle I have, how much body hair and then they want to see my cock. A lot of Chinese guys really like circumcised cocks and shaved or trimmed pubes. It's part of our culture - we keep ourselves clean down there.
If they're interested, they'll tell me to follow them outside to a park bench and we start talking. If they haven't figured out I'm doing it for the money, I tell them upfront. I don't want to waste my time. I quote anywhere between HK$500 - HK$2,000 depending on what they want.
I don't kiss and I don't suck. I love being sucked for a long time and licked all over. I like cumming in the guy's mouth, I like fucking too but only with a condom. I won't do bareback even though I've been asked many times - especially by the white guys. They'll take me back to the hotel and while we're having sex, they'll show me some more money and ask me to BB them. I get really pissed off coz I need the money, but I don't like how I'm being used. It kills the whole enjoyment. I demand what we agreed, get dressed and leave. These white guys then start swearing at me and making insults against Pakistanis. They threaten to call hotel security and claim I'm robbing them because I'm holding the cash in my hand. Some of them are real bastards but I keep really calm. I kept my side of the deal. They didn't.
Lately with some white tourists, I've taken to recording the park conversation on my phone. I need to protect myself too.
I see other Pakistani guys around town whom I sense are really gay. They're not moneyboys and they sometimes hang around the park too. We don't talk much but our eyes say everything. When we do talk, it's pretty strained because we each know the truth about the other. He knows I'm gay-for-pay, I know he's gay and looking for another Pakistani to relate to.
These gay Pakistanis are terrified about going to the gay saunas even though they would be safer there. Maybe that's changing.....I hear some are showing up at the gay saunas around town. I've been to a few too, but I didn't feel comfortable and I couldn't say I was a moneyboy - I'd be thrown out.
I have sex with women too, sometimes a group of them, usually Chinese or Filipinas. We'll go to an hourly hotel for that. I don't charge them although I might pay for the room and ask them to buy me some clothes or something. It's a fair deal, they don't mind. They know I'm just a young working boy with no family here. It's the closest thing I have to someone looking after me.
I prefer older men as customers because I like to dominate them. Older Chinese guys are the easiest to deal with. They are more respectful than the white guys. Some of them are regular customers. I get a good feeling with them.
I've been thinking a lot lately..............even though I have sex with women, I have to admit I prefer having sex with men. It has nothing to do with the money...........so I don't know exactly how to say it..........I didn't start off gay, I became gay-for-pay and now I'm finding I like gay sex better. For a few months now I've been checking out some of the other Pakistani guys downtown and I find myself getting horny under my jeans just looking at them. As part of our culture, when we talk we often touch each other and hold hands. I find myself getting turned on by this. Then I have to come home and JO thinking about them.
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I hope you'll get this msg.
ReplyDeleteComing out is process, nobody come to terms with their attraction to men overnight. It doesn't necessarily means you're gay either. But from the stuff that you say, how you don't kiss and don't suck but yet you're gay-for-pay, seems to suggest that you're afraid to find out if you're attracted to men.
Please try to contact a local gay support group or a ethnic minority support group. I think what can really help you is to be around other well-adjusted gay minorities in HK who can give you support and show you the healthier side of gay minorities in HK. Can't say I come across many gay pakistanis in HK but there are certainly a lot of gay indians and philipinos in HK who will welcome you with open arms, as would I, in order to help you to become comfortable with yourself and figure out what you want in life.
It's hard to be alone in a foreign city, and it's even harder to learn about your sexuality when all you see of gay life is cruising in parks and sex in bathrooms and saunas. There's more to gay life than that.
Or may be you'd rather be with women, that's fine too. Just don't be afraid of your feelings, it'll only bite you back in the future.