Beaming Myself Out, Fag

The Phenomenon of "Ghosting"

1.  What Is "Ghosting"?
2.  What FuelMix Said
3.  Ghosting" By Gay Men.....FuelMix Speculates
4.  The Good News:  The Return Of Empathy

 
1.  What is "Ghosting"?

".....a verb that refers to ending a romantic relationship by cutting off all contact and ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out."

-----Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment, Valeriya Safronova, The New York Times, June 26, 2015 

2.  What FuelMix Said

(a)  In Principles of Faggotry 82, we said:

"A Screaming Fag is perfectly capable of dishing out the Silent Treatment."

(b)  In Principles of Faggotry 32, we said:

" A dumb fag with a smart phone is a dangerous combination" 

(c)  In Principles of Faggotry 25, we said:

' "The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate."

------Joseph Priestley

.....which explains why every technological advancement in communications, just makes it easier for a fag to lie - as a means of denying communication.

That's also why fags are notorious early adapters of cutting edge communication technology, both as a fashion statement and as a declaration of their complete lack of ethics.'

3.  "Ghosting" By Gay Men.....FuelMix Speculates

Why are gay men doing it.....?

1.   Historical and chronic emotional incapacity and lack of emotional intelligence by so many gay men; 

2.   Emotional perceptions made worse through a variety of substance abuse (masquerading as "recreational drug use");

3.  When faced with a difficult err....pardon...."challenging"  (for our Politically Correct West Coast readers) relationship situation, the average gay man is caught somewhere between Confrontation, Avoidance and Denial.  With "so-many-men-so-little-time", the Oscar Party, the After-Party, the White Party, the Black and Blue Party, Hustlaball, the gym, the hair salon, the tanning salon, that cruisy park, the cash owed to the dealer, Avoidance and Denial are the default response - usually with an ex post facto justifcation to themselves - or an assumption about the other guy -  thrown in for good measure;

4.  A fundamental tenet of Faggotry is casual anonymous sex. Although we have shown that no such thing exists, the gay man's perception of it and his adherence to it, is enough. When something casual appears to morph into something more serious, many gay men don't have the skill set and effectively, panic.  Silence and avoidance are the preferred options;

5.  The more technologically savvy we become, the less we communicate meaningfully. Text messages, Twitter and emoticons purport to convey our thoughts succinctly.  But do they....?  We believe they have contributed to a sharp decline in verbal fluency and grammar.  The immediacy of e-mails encourage a knee-jerk response - which when it goes wrong, is very hard to unravel. In the dynamic of personal relationships,  the combination of technology, lousy grammar, the inability to express oneself and the lack of emotional intelligence, becomes a minefield.  So gay men use technology the only way they know how - through Silence and Avoidance....."Unfriend", "Block", "Report As Spam", "Remove From Whitelist".....change the phone number.  You get the picture.

6.  A Culture of Human Disposability - From about 1999, global television has been - and still is -  awash with "Reality Shows". The basic premise is that somebody has to be kicked out either by judgment or by a vote.  Variations on that theme include back-stabbing, bad-mouthing, acting up, bitching and setting somebody up to fail in order to gloat about it afterwards in a 15 second soundbite.

(ii)  While masquerading as a game (those shows are based around Non-Cooperative Game Playing Theory by the Nobel Prize winning mathematician, John Nash), the intent is clear....... that Emotions and Empathy have no part to play when interacting with others.

(iii)  Television massively manipulates and influences human behaviour.

7.  The combination of all the factors listed in (1) to (6) have contributed to the spread of "ghosting". Essentially, it's an act of Passive-Aggression.  We utterly disagree with The New York Times that "ghosting" is acceptable because it's so widespread.  So is Syphilis.


4.  The Good News:  The Return Of Empathy

1.  When FuelMix looks at the mess that's been made in the world over the last 15 years, he's thankful to be living in the times of the Apocalypse, the true meaning of which is that which has been hidden, is now being revealed. Not only are certain people being embarrassed by revelations, but at a macro level, we are moving through a shift in Energy.  There's gonna be lots more revelations taking place.  Just watch.

2.  When human savagery, abandonment, fraud, deceit, callousness and betrayal reach its nadir, humanity stands at an individual and collective crossroads. Either we descend into personal or societal chaos or, introspection, clarity and resolve kick in.  FuelMix suspects the latter is taking shape and heading towards critical mass.

3.  The writer Neale Donald Walsch, describing why people hurt each other, said the issue is one of education not intent.  We agree.  He said this:

"No one acts inappropriately, given their model of the world.

All attack is a call for help."

-----"Why Do We Hurt Each Other?" Neale Donald Walsch, 22 May 2015, posted on SpiritLibrary.com on 14 August 2015

4.  When applied in the context of "Ghosting", the person doing it knows of no other way to have the experience they desire.  In this case, a sense of resolving the matter as they see fit, without regard to the other person.

5.  To the person on the receiving end of "Ghosting", the hurt can be deep and lingering.  To resolve the pain, Walsch proposes asking the only questions that matter:

"What do you want or need so badly that you feel you have to hurt me to get it...?"

"What is it you want to have, or feel, right now....?

"Is there a way I can help you have that without giving up who I am....? "

6.  Brilliant.  Just Brilliant.  The person hurt by "Ghosting"  is neither putting the blame on himself or the person who abandoned them. All they need to do is silently ask themselves that question and once they realize that nobody is actually out to hurt them they can resolve the hurt independently and move on.

7.   Alternatively, they can physically confront the person who "ghosted" them and put that question in their face.

8.  We agree with Walsch that whether these questions are asked internally by the person who was "ghosted" or actually put to the person who did the "ghosting", they absolutely kill the feeling of being abused and disrespected.  To the person who's been "ghosted" the payoff is tremendous - a feeling of self-empowerment, clarity and resolution.  To the person who's been confronted about his "ghosting" the payoff is one of introspection, clarity and an articulation of their motive.

(But y'all know that a fag confronted about his behaviour just throws a hissy fit.....right....?) *sigh*


Originally published 30 August 2015
Amended and Republished 4 June 2016

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