Tell Me I Don't Look Gay....

Overheard by FuelMix in SoHo whilst stuffing his face with a gourmet fish burger. Two professional Bananas in their 30s were discussing how to pick up women and get laid here in Very Rich Megacity....

Banana 1: So, dude, how's the sex life...? Saw you clubbing with some hot women....you goin' through those condoms thick and fast yeah...?

Banana 2:  I wish....I'm totally bummed....I haven't scored at all for a few months even though I've met a lot of women. I've jacked off so much I shot my load all over my apartment walls.....and my place is only like 300 square feet....

B1:  Why....?  What's happened to your pick up skills....?

B2:  Lately, women at the clubs think I'm gay.....

B1:  What...??!!

B2:  I dunno how that happened....I'm talking to them, buying them drinks, things are going well.....and all of a sudden they just come right out and ask, "are you gay....?" and I'm thinking, "WTF...??!!"

B1:  Did you ask them why they thought you were gay?

B2:  Yeah....they said I had good manners, didn't come across as wanting to fuck them after a few drinks, seemed genuinely interested in what they were saying, sorta sensitive and gentle....

B1:  You been reading Oprah or something.....? Exploring your Inner Female....?

B2:  No, man, I thought I was just being myself.....I mean my techniques worked in the past, I'd meet some hot women in the clubs, chat them up, dance a little, cuddle a bit....bring them back to my shoebox apartment and bang the night away, go for champagne brunch the next day, swap numbers, you know, the whole shit......it's like it was pretty easy and natural to me....

B1:  So....what's up with these women picking up a gay vibe from you?

B2:  A few told me that gay guys show up at the str8 clubs just to fuck with women's heads.....you know...an attractive guy, the whole seduction thing without the fuck.....leaves the women dripping in their panties,  the guy disappears or moves on to the next woman.....the gay guy is basically on an ego trip.....using his looks and apparent sensitivity to fool women, probably in denial about his sexuality..... and then ends ends up in a gay club or a gay sauna fucking his brains out.

B1:  Yeah, I hear these fags can be real twisted shit....

B2:  And then other women said they'd meet an attractive guy, hit it off in the clubs, maybe go out on a date and then the guy would come right out and say he was gay - and that he was only looking for a female friend, nothing more.....so they felt they'd been burned or disappointed.

B1:  So now they're just cutting to the chase and asking guys upfront if they're gay.  They don't wanna waste their time.....

B2:  Yeah....and I can totally understand that, but I don't like being asked if I'm gay.....I mean I don't look gay or act gay do I....?

B1:  No dude, you're masculine.....you do sports and besides, your voice is deep - and you got facial hair.....there's no way anyone would say you're gay.....I think it's a hormonal thing....those gay guys have more estrogen or something.....the straight guys have more testosterone.....don't worry.

B2:  Yeah...that's what I was thinking.....but you know what's really weird...? Ever since this whole shit with the women asking me if I was gay, I feel like I've got a psychic tattoo that says "GAY" - and all the guys can see it, except me....

B1:  Whaddya mean....?

B2:  Lately in the gym, more guys are checking me out....you can kinda feel it....they smile and stare more.....I'm sure they're gay and trying to hit on me....I'm getting paranoid.....but I also get horny.... shit...!!  I can't believe I just said that.....I'm really scared I'm turning gay.....and the women have already discovered it, but I haven't seen it yet....

B1:  You been looking at gay porn...? 'Coz that drives guys into that whole bi-curious thing.....next thing you know they've ended up between some guy's legs....

B2:  No man, I swear.....I'm strictly into porn where the chicks are banged silly.

B1:  Maybe take a break from the clubs. You know how women talk.  Lie low for a while.  Why don't you go on holiday, just by yourself....? Bangkok's pretty cheap these days.....

B2:  Yeah....Yeah....Bangkok....that's good for a single straight guy....check out the Kickboxing, the temples, the food, the massage parlours.....

B1:  The ladyboys........

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