Gay Man's Code Of Honour

A reader wrote in asking FuelMix what he meant by a fag Code Of Honour, mentioned in an earlier post entitled, Memo To Fags 10.


Wha...???!!

A Code of Honour articulates certain values and principles that clearly define behaviour.  Like a Mission Statement in the corporate world, a  personal Code of Honour forms the basis of how a person acts in certain situations. Formulating a Code of Honour is essentially an exercise in Self-Controntation. Getting there is neither pleasant, quick nor easy. In fact, it's fuckin' painful.

Considering that most fags only confront themselves in the mirror for cosmetic improvements, the idea of improving themselves at fundamental levels may be more than they can handle without several stiff drinks.

To get to a Code of Honour, you'll have to ask yourself some questions. Here are the questions that FuelMix used in formulating his own Code Of Honour. Like we said, it ain't pleasant and it ain't easy.


1.   Physical

1. What are your personal standards by which you care for, honour and maintain your body?
2. Are you simply repeating what other fags do to their body or are you looking to formulate something that works for you?
3. Are your physical habits suicidal like most other fags?
4. Are you preparing your body for longevity?
5. If you’re getting by on your looks, and living “the lifestyle” whatcha gonna do when your looks run out?
6. If you think you’re a hipster, or preppy or a jock now, how are you going to describe yourself in 5 years? 10 years?
7. If you walk into a room full of gay men, why should they look at you?
8. Why would they want to approach you?  What's your vibe...?
9. If you’re “not into guys over 30” or “not into guys over 35 or 40”, what are you going to say when you reach 30, 35 or 40?  Apologize for yourself.....? 
10. Will you then turn into a predator for twinks and perpetuate yet another gay stereotype?
11. When you're over 30, 35, 40 or 50, will you get sex as an act of charity or because you're still smouldering and you can have any guy you want?
12. Is age something you dread or something you conquer and assimilate?
13. If age brings wisdom, are you acting your age or just your shoe size....?
14. Are you authentic for your age and comfort level......or are you just pretentious....?

2.   Mental

1. Other than porn, exactly what do you feed your mind with and why...?

3.   Emotional Intelligence

1. How much emotional intelligence do you have?
2. Do you even know what it is...?
3. Do you just replicate the emotional behaviour of other fags or do you question whether there is a better way that allows you to dump baggage rather than keep adding to it like other fags?
4. Are you hooked on drama, gossip, pettiness and bitching 'coz every other fag you know is...? 
5. Does your Emotional Intelligence define your persona..?  A built body and a crippled, wounded psyche...?
6. Can you actually observe yourself in the middle of a hissy fit and honestly say, "Oh shit.....there I go again...."?
7. If Emotional Intelligence drives behaviour, what corrections do you need to make...?

4.   How You Relate To Other Gay Men

1. What are your standards of integrity when dealing with other fags?
2. Do you have one standard of integrity online, another for when you're on the street, another for when you're in the bar, another for when you're in the sauna?
3. How many standards of integrity can you keep juggling and for how long?
4. Are you making a series of promises you know you’re never going to keep?
5. Are you a serial liar across the board?
6. How open are you to gay friendship?  Seriously, just how open are you if your history has been one of casual, NSA encounters...?
7. Why would anyone want to be a gay friend of yours?
8. Can you give a genuine compliment and receive one?
9. Do you have the courage to set standards in a Gay Friendship?
10. If the friendship didn’t match those standards would you have the guts to end it elegantly? Or just hope the other guy just kinda fades away?

5.   Your Significant Relationship

1. What standards  are you setting with your Significant Other before you enter a relationship?
2. Is it Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?
3. If you can't discuss Monogamy, what else can't you discuss?
4. How do you talk about money?
5. How do you talk about disease....?
6. What standards do you have individually and jointly during the relationship?
7. Is the relationship transparent to both of you?
8. Do you have a fundamental basis of honesty or deceit in your relationships?
9. What are your standards when the relationship ends?
10. How would you deal with betrayal and theft? 
11. How will you deal with violence in the relationship?
12. How will you deal with an addiction - his or yours - that is out of control...?  Will you have the guts to ask for help....?
13. How will you treat yourself and the other person when it’s over?

6.   You And The Other Fags

1. How do you handle criticism of yourself as a gay man, or of other gay men?
2. Can you handle the word “fag”?
3. Have you figured out for yourself the difference between a fag and a gay man?
4. Do you simply defend the lifestyle because everyone else - including you - is doing it?
5. Are you hung up on the Gay Political Correctness that blinds you to other ways of thinking, feeling and acting?
6. How do you behave in the presence of a disabled or handicapped fag? 
7. How do you behave with a fag you find sexually repulsive and embarrassing to be seen with, but who would like to get to know you...?
8. Can you handle a diseased or dying fag? On a regular basis....?  As a caregiver or as a social friend.....?  Could you be trusted....?

7.    Legacy

1. After a casual sexual encounter with another gay man, what impression do you leave with him?
2. If a Significant Relationship ends today, how would you be remembered?
3. Why would any gay man want to remember you?
4. Are you more concerned with your reputation as a fag or with your real character?
5. Can you inspire another gay man through your lifestyle, words, actions, thoughts and writing?
6. Can you honestly be a Living, Breathing, Work-In-Progress, Trailblazer....? or just another fuckin' gay statistic....?
7. Do you have the guts to leave the Faggot Tribe because you formulated a better way that works just for you....?  
8. Can you handle the venom that outraged fags will spit at you once they've realized that Mentally, Emotionally - and probably Physically - you left "the community"...?
9. Do you have the courage to live as a Truly Unique Gay Man on your terms?
10. What's your legacy to the world....?

Originally published 24 March 2011
Amended and Republished 5 February 2014; 1 September 2014

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