The Twink 5

COMPLETED 1 SEPTEMBER 2014

4.  Empowering The Twink for The Future: Should a Gay Man Even Care...?

Feedback from readers:

1.   Hi FM

I am enjoying your story about the twink.  from my experience, a good number of Asian twinks tend to confuse love and sex and that sex, even once (whether good or bad) is a sign of undying love and devotion and that leads to a very determined attachment. In other words, finding a bonking buddy who thinks that one bonk means ‘committed relationship forever' isn’t hard if you’re hot or even halfway hot, getting rid of them is. I could also make the same observation about (not so attractive) women who, in my past, latched on to me simply because they misinterpreted my politeness for romantic interest.

2. Hey FM

Nice work on showing empathy, guidance and encouragement to the twink; I hope this influences others to do the same!

3. Well I'll be damned......If I didn't have a similar convo with a twink a few months ago. Good on you, he chose door #4 per your list for a while and it worked, but then happily he found a nice guy that he is in what looks like has a good chance of being a solid relationship. I suggested to him that out of respect for his current partner we should not chat for some time to let them build up emotional bonds and ability to communicate; plus it spares me the drama of him working through the relationship sandbox on my shoulder ;)  

FuelMix says:

(1)  Ignorance and Neediness

1.   Yeah.....absolutely right.....a lot of twinks (not just Asian ones) confuse love and sex - and that sex is a sign of undying love and devotion.  We don't blame them.  They're just a product of the pop culture as we once were.  That's because there's nothing in the high school or college curriculum or  in conventional Faggotry to explain the difference between love and sex - or even the rudiments for building a relationship, whatever the age difference.

2.   When institutionally imposed  behavioural ignorance is coupled with a gay twink's notion of poor body image, peer pressure, lack of parental support (some don't dare come out to their parents but suspect their parents know) and lack of self-esteem, they arrive at your door tailor-made for infatuation and neediness.


(2)  Infatuation Is Fun.....When You're The One Receiving It

3.  Initially, the attention is charming, disarming, innocently lovable and invigorating.  The twink hangs on to your every word, shyly holds your hand on the street when nobody is looking, plays footsie with you under the restaurant table, surprises you with a deep kiss at an almost-awkward moment then grins wickedly, is surprisingly eloquent and sincere in his compliments, adores your body and will service you to infinity, bares his heart and cries during awesome sex as you kiss the tears from his eyes; and wraps his arms around you deeply, sighing and hyperventilating -  that you thought was only fictionalized  in those trashy romance novels  sold in the airport departure lounge......


(3)  Realizations

4.   And then it hits.......

5.  The twink has placed his heart in your hands and - in addition to swallowing your cum - is offering to let you inject your psyche into his soul.  The rush of power that brings is mindblowing.  Whether the age difference between you and him is 5 years or 35 years, you as the "adult" are simultaneously Guru, Svengali, Rasputin and Stalin. You have the power to Enlighten, Entrap, Enchant or Eviscerate that young man-boy whose looking into your eyes or sleeping like a baby in your arms.

6.  At that point, you, the "adult", stand at the crossroads of your destiny.....FuelMix referred to what he'd written in Gay Man's Code of Honour 1 and Gay Man's Code of Honour 2. The relevant parts extracted below, were not pleasant reading: 

1.   Physical

• If you’re “not into guys over 30” or “not into guys over 35 or 40”, what are you going to say when you reach 30, 35 or 40?  Apologize for yourself.....? 
• Will you then turn into a predator for twinks and perpetuate yet another gay stereotype?
• When you're over 30, 35, 40 or 50, will you get sex as an act of charity or because you're still smouldering and you can have any guy you want?
• Is age something you dread or something you conquer and assimilate?
• If age brings wisdom, are you acting your age or just your shoe size....?
• Are you authentic for your age and comfort level......or are you just pretentious....?

3.   Emotional Intelligence

• How much emotional intelligence do you have?
• Do you even know what it is...?
• Do you just replicate the emotional behaviour of other fags or do you question whether there is a better way that allows you to dump baggage rather than keep adding to it like other fags?
• Does your Emotional Intelligence define your persona..?  A built body and a crippled, wounded psyche...?
• If Emotional Intelligence drives behaviour, what corrections do you need to make...?

4.   How You Relate To Other Gay Men

• What are your standards of integrity when dealing with other fags?
• Do you have one standard of integrity online, another for when you're on the street, another for when you're in the bar, another for when you're in the sauna?
• How many standards of integrity can you keep juggling and for how long?
• Are you making a series of promises you know you’re never going to keep?
• Are you a serial liar across the board?
• How open are you to gay friendship?  Seriously, just how open are you if your history has been one of casual, NSA encounters...?
• Why would anyone want to be a gay friend of yours?
• Can you give a genuine compliment and receive one?
• Do you have the courage to set standards in a Gay Friendship?
• If the friendship didn’t match those standards would you have the guts to end it elegantly? Or just hope the other guy just kinda fades away?

7.    Legacy

• After a casual sexual encounter with another gay man, what impression do you leave with him?
• If a Significant Relationship ends today, how would you be remembered?
• Why would any gay man want to remember you?
• Are you more concerned with your reputation as a fag or with your real character?
• Can you inspire another gay man through your lifestyle, words, actions, thoughts and writing?
• Can you honestly be a Living, Breathing, Work-In-Progress, Trailblazer....? or just another fuckin' gay statistic....?
• Do you have the guts to leave the Faggot Tribe because you formulated a better way that works just for you....?  
• Can you handle the venom that outraged fags will spit at you once they've realized that Mentally, Emotionally - and probably Physically - you left "the community"...?
• Do you have the courage to live as a Truly Unique Gay Man on your terms?
• What's your legacy to the world....? 

(4)  The Decision To Act

7.  FuelMix realized what he needed to do with this twink - and went ahead and did it. The conversations are there for the world to read.  Is FuelMix right....?? Who knows.  All that FuelMix can say for sure is that he didn't act like a generic fag.

8.  The twink hasn't done FuelMix any harm. If anything, the twink was a source of innocent and genuine laughter......what's not to like....?

9.  It was never about disconnecting or getting rid of the twink.  It was about getting the twink to emerge from blind infatuation and to consider the possibility of parameters as an alternative to "automatic boyfriend, sex included".


(5)  What The Twink Now Knows

10.  At this point in time, the twink has accepted that he can't be FuelMix's boyfriend.  But he likes Option 4 of the 6 options that FuelMix gave him.  Clearly there is a connection between FuelMix and the twink.  He continues to tell FuelMix he loves him - but it's delivered with a freshness, without the previous air of needy desperation. He's beginning to see the difference between " Infatuation Boyfriend"  and "ManBestFriend" - and that it is possible to love both, intensely if he wants to.  There's a nascent clarity coming from the twink, his little gaydar of enlightenment is flickering into life. It'll take a few years before he gets it right - and on the way he'll get his heart broken by generic fags.

11.  Will he come crying to FuelMix every time....?  Probably the first two times then FuelMix will draw the line.


(6)  What's In It For FuelMix....?

12.  In the meantime, what does FuelMix get out of this deal....?

• He has a twink that loves him and says so;
• He has a twink that wishes him "good night" and says he's kissing the pillow thinking of FuelMix;
• He has a twink that's in college;
• He has a twink who's already told him the best days to meet up;
• He has a twink who was told very early on, that he had to pay his own way if he wanted to socialize with FuelMix, 'coz FuelMix ain't gonna be anybody's ATM;
• He has a twink who realizes that in paying his own way (yes, we go to "twink-affordable" restaurants), he keeps his independence and his self-respect;
• He gets intimacy without neediness;
• He's given the twink the complete freedom to decide each time if he wants to get a meal and just chat, go for a walk, check out the city, chill in a cafe, cuddle or have full-on sex, with no pressure from FuelMix;
• He has the option of going to the sauna by himself and playing with whoever he wants. Or going with the twink and just playing with the twink. (The twink has the same option);
• He gets a BoyBestFriend;
• Neither party is compromised in finding a Significant Other.  At that point, any and all sexual intimacy between FuelMix and the twink stops.

13.  That's a hell of a better deal than FuelMix would have got, had he acted like a generic fag and just given the twink the brush-off.  Is it perfect...?  No, nothing ever is - but it's a good example of Resolution rather than resigned Compromise.  And a lot better than potentially simmering resentment, anger, recrimination and betrayal following an abrupt termination via WhatsApp.

14.  For the record, FuelMix is no fuckin' saint and has no desire to be one.

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