In Defence Of Monogamy 3
The other day, FuelMix dropped into the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation). Ordering a drink and finding a comfy perch, FuelMix scanned the joint, looking for blog material.
A tame fag, with whom FuelMix was peripherally acquainted, made eye contact. When beckoned, he came trotting over, wagging his tail. After the usual pleasantries (during which FuelMix's crotch was repeatedly fondled), the fag sat next to FuelMix, looking jittery and agitated.
FM: Something on your mind?
Fag: Yeah, can’t figure out my BF
FM: Didn’t know you had one
Fag: I don’t know if I have one.......he’s forever sleeping around and bragging about it. Makes me uncomfortable
FM: How long you been together?
Fag: A few years
FM: What’s the deal on sleeping around?
Fag: Dunno………..we can’t discuss it. We just end up fighting, he storms out, fucks around, comes home later, starts bragging about it.
FM: You sleep around?
Fag: Kinda – but not as much as him. Thing is, I can’t trust him anymore. When we’re having sex, I can’t trust him. Emotionally, I can’t trust him. Sometimes I’m scared for my health. But we can’t even talk about it without him storming out and fucking somebody else.
FM: You’ve put up with this for a few years?
Fag:Yeah, it’s getting kinda tiring
FM: What’s in it for you?
Fag: Well….I guess I can say I have a BF. Not much else
FM: You scared to confront him?
Fag: Yeah, he’s younger than me and drinks heavily, especially after one of his revenge fucks
FM: So….there’s infidelity, an inability to talk about it……..and the threat of physical abuse?
Fag: I think so……….I wanna end it but don’t know how. I think I would have preferred monogamy but we can’t even discuss it. I don’t think I’m in love anymore. I just don’t know where I stand with him. He’s happy with things as they are, I’m miserable. I’m beginning to hate myself.
FuelMix finished his drink and left.
Originally published 16 June 2009
Republished 16 October 2014 | 14 March 2017
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Rights Reserved
Man.....I could name at least 10 guys in that position. It's so pathetic but it's happening all the time. You're right FuelMix, it really is time for a new gay paradigm.
ReplyDeleteI think there's two things here:
ReplyDelete1. Communication - it needs to be clear with an openness to talk about anything and
2. Boundaries - perhaps they both need rules around everything (from sleeping with others to drinking in excess?).
I have always choose to be in mogonous relationships - but that's probably the hetrosexual world we life in's influence. I don't think I could connect emotionally to someone who was having sex with others?
Hugs,
Antony x
Hey Fuelmix
ReplyDeleteSaw your posting on the Dear GB posting-the gay guy who was wanting to find himself. It is amazing how mentioning the M word rattles cages in the way it does! It's politically incorrect to a lot of guys who see the right to engage in indiscriminate sex as one of the primary defining features central to their identities as Gay Men. It's their birthright! It's the reward they get for having to put up with the grief of homophobia. I got a bit of a telling off from a fellow blogger for daring to suggest that there might be a degree of dysfunctionality driving a young friend's binge sexploits. You might be interested to check out my post on the relationship between low self esteem and the narcissistic defense of random sex
Keep shifting that paradigm!
All the best
GS
x
I still haven't figured out where university of fag bar is ... are there any hints?
ReplyDelete