Grindr Fatigue
Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:
It’s pointless to try and argue the validity of apps like Grindr and
Scruff in today’s gay culture. Whether we like it or not, social media
is on a fast track to being the primary way in which we communicate with
one another. But there is a difference between using gay social apps to
meet new people and spending hours upon hours fixated on the sexual
gratification of dick picks and hook-up possibilities. Gay hook-up sites
are nothing new, but the increasing popularity and constant
accessibility of social media apps has led, in many ways, to the
dehumanization of gay men. In other words, Grindr, Scruff and the rest
of the lot are creating a bunch of gay sex robots who only know how to
communicate with each other via pictures and sexual function.
Anyone who uses social media has been somewhat limited by the nature
of engagement. But whereas Facebook at least requires somewhat of a
sense of transparency and accountability, apps like Grindr allow the
user to operate under the guise of anonymity. This, unfortunately, plays
into a darker side of our psyche that takes an unfiltered and inhumane
approach to human interaction where the user treats other users like
players in a sexual video game.
While at a work meeting or getting a coffee, a person can practically
annihilate a person’s self esteem. This, because vulgarity, rudeness
and all-out prejudice thinly veiled under the pretense of “honesty,” has
sadly become the status quo. A user often forgets that there is a
person behind the torso picture. This casual daily phenomenon has led
many people to be saddened by the state of gay culture and the humanity
of the modern gay man.
The virtual sex lives of gay men have even caught the attention of
female columnists like Samantha Allen, a tech and health writer for The Daily Beast. In a recent article titled, “‘No Blacks’ Is Not a Sexual Preference, It’s Racism,’” Allen calls out the state of sexual racism that she says is particularly heated within the gay community.
She writes, “If you’re a gay man, phrases like ‘no blacks’ and ‘no
Asians’ aren’t just words that you’d find on old signs in a civil rights
museum, they are an unavoidable and current feature of your online
dating experience. On gay dating apps like Grindr and Scruff, some men
post blunt and often offensive disclaimers on their profiles such as ‘no
oldies,’ ‘no fems,’ and ‘no fatties.’”
Naturally, the crude and rudimentary nature of “Grindr speech” is the
type of language that most people would not use in face-to-face
communication. And for good reason, this form of speech has virtually
crippled the self-esteem of many of these popular hook-up app’s users.
John Harrell is an HIV-positive man from Seattle who chooses to
disclose his status on his profile. He has gotten a variety of negative
responses over his status, but this is the one he remembers most.
“OMG…WTF!!! You’re PROUD to be an AIDS infected Pandemic
spreading, Pariah of Society, and cheer when others are infected with
AIDS so you’re not the only one Spreading the Filth?!!! OMG!!!!
Steve Martinez.....is also no stranger to encountering
aggressive and hateful language on gay hook-up apps because of his HIV
status.
“I was chatting with an older man on daddy hunt,” said Martinez. “The
chatting was getting sexual and before meeting him I disclosed my HIV
status. He responded with ‘you're disgusting.’ I replied he was ignorant
for his age. Then he started calling me a liar and a dirty slut. I
reported him to Daddyhunt. They reviewed our conversation and deleted
his profile. Shortly after, I deleted my account. I feel kinda insecure
and a little afraid now to meet new guys.”
These are but a few ways in which users of these apps can experience
harmful engagements from other users. The anonymity granted by these
apps can and often do lead to behavior with which the average user would
be mortified to be associated with. Yet, even the most astute public
persona can be guilty of reducing themselves to their lowest form. By
simply using a face picture as a person’s user profile image, the
language and behavior a [of] user is usually markedly improved.
But the widespread adoption of social media “hook-up” communication
hasn’t only negatively influenced the way we virtually communicate, it
has also spilled into our real life relationships. Many users of apps
like Grindr and Scruff have reported developing an outright obsession
with the virtual hook-up hunt. This form of Grindr mania, whether it be
short-lived or a constant presence, has the ability to hinder a person’s
relationships, work life, and even their chances at meeting potential
love or lust interests ‘IRL.’[In Real Life]
Luke Stephens from Connecticut remembers when he became consumed with the art of the Grindr chase.
“It was Christmas and my mom was visiting me,” said Stephens. “I
would’ve given her more of my time, but I was obsessed with three guys
on Grindr whom I hadn’t even yet met. It was about the fourth day when I
had had just about as much as I could take – so I deleted the
conversations and deleted Grindr. My mom left a day later and I felt
such guilt for not strengthening the familial relationship that was more
important to me than some Grindr guys who didn’t respect the human
being on the other end of the digital wall."
Social media hook-up apps are not inherently good or bad; they are
merely the newest form of human interface. And like with anything new,
it can take some time to develop and perfect our best style of
communication. This isn’t a macro problem, it comes down to a micro
decision of an individual to treat others like humans instead of virtual
sex bots and balance your own virtual communication with your three
dimensional life. So, if you believe that you are a nice guy in person,
make sure your virtual self isn’t a total douche.
-----"Grindr Fatigue and the Dehumanization of Gay Men", hivequal.org October 28, 2015
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