Gay Men And Tattoos
Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:
In my private practice as a psychotherapist who specializes in
working with gay men, it was a surprise to me when several years into my
practice I noticed a pattern that gay men like to talk about how the
tattoos they have hold special, even profound meaning for them.......
Their tattoos become topics of conversation, especially in
summer months when guys are wearing short-sleeves, tank-tops, or shorts.
They start talking about when they got them, and the emotional
attachment they have to what feelings, experiences, and values their
tattoos mean to them, and it becomes relevant to their therapy for
whatever we are working on, such as self-esteem, relationships,
philosophical/existential “outlook” on life, and dreams/goals........
It was that way for me. After my “turning 40” crisis, which I admit I
had like so many other guys, I lost some inhibitions about a lot of
things, especially my opinions. I got into counseling and therapy during
the height of the AIDS crisis, because I wanted to speak up and help
out. Getting older helped me to do more of that, because the people I
care about deserve our attention and intervention. So I wanted a tattoo
because I thought they looked hot but also for their meaning........
With clients, there have been similar stories about how their
personal values have then been represented graphically in their tattoo
design. One client described very eloquently how the black tribal symbol
design made him feel at one with the HIV community after his diagnosis,
and it was part of his coping with that, that felt positive and
encouraging. Another client had various initials of people who were key
in his life. Another had a couple of symbols that reminded him of his
own strength, resilience, and triumph over an abusive past. Others have
adopted the “toxic” symbol as way of defying their HIV diagnosis, and
signaling to others that they will not be silenced in a stigma about HIV
status. Others yet have symbols that support them in drug/alcohol
recovery, that remind them to use their program and cognitive tools to
cope with triggers or relapse risk just by seeing the visual cue of
their tatt on their body.
When we talk about gay men in therapy, it has to be in a certain
culturally-affirmative context. Gay men actually tap into a lot of
“masculine perspective” energy, whether it’s how we approach work, our
homes, money, health (especially fitness and muscularity), and of course
sexuality. While we have a lot in common with straight men and that
whole “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” thing, gay men put their
own spin on traditionally masculine things like muscularity and tattoos
(and cars, too). While tatts are not everyone’s cup of tea, others have
said that a cool tattoo can make any guy sexier and bolder, in that he
is asserting his personality visually with “the art of the body”. It’s
also sexy in that tattoos are only removable with great difficulty, so
it’s a commitment, and having the strength of your convictions to make a
permanent commitment to a visually-expressed idea that has profound
meaning for a person can be sexy in itself; it’s the strength of that
commitment and standing up for what you believe in, which gay men need
after a lifetime of growing up with anti-gay sentiment all around us in
political rhetoric, laws, bullying, and other oppression.
Just the act of getting a tattoo can be an empowering act of
defiance, a triumph over uncertainty or a diminished sense of self. Just
like our clothes, our hair, our facial hair, and other personal style
expressions, the tattoo is more profound because we “wear it” all the
time, even at our most naked, our most vulnerable, as a symbol(s) of the
values in ourselves that we find enduring. When gay men find ways like
this that are fun and sexy and also help underscore our sense of
self-empowerment, we are not just living, we are thriving. Gotta love
that!
Have you talked about your tattoos in therapy? Or have you openly
“processed” your thoughts about getting one? Like I said, sometimes the
right choice is not to do it, but I’ve been so moved by the stories I
hear from guys I work with about their meaning and the self-validation
they get from theirs, that I’m impressed, inspired, and admiring of
their self-reflection. This can only help them move toward whatever their goals are in therapy.
-----"Gay Men and Tattoos: Ritual and Meaning", by Ken Howard, 28 December 2015, GayTherapyLA
FuelMix says:
1. OK we'll "process" our thoughts right now. We hate tattoos.
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