Flight Attendants

COMPLETED 27 SEPTEMBER 2017

1.  Four GWM Flight Attendants
2.  Male Flight Attendants:  Str8 vs Gay 

1.  Four GWM Flight Attendants

1.  FuelMix dropped into the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation) and found himself on the periphery of a cluster of 4 male flight attendants huddled around a bar table. Think of an anal sphincter that shrieks and twitches; and the fascinated reader has a good picture of the animated Faggotry going down at that table.

2.  FuelMix is ambivalent about gay flight attendants. With few exceptions, those he's met or fucked have ultimately turned out to be a "What the hell was I thinking......?" aftermath.  As Joel Barker pointed out in his book, "Paradigms", the only thing that survives when a paradigm shifts, is wisdom. In the same way as FuelMix resolved not to fly certain airlines - particularly those from God's Own Country - FuelMix resolved to be much more choosy before fucking a gay flight attendant.

3.  Realizing that the anal sphincter of just-arrived, social retards from God's Own Country would provide nutritious blog fodder, FuelMix turned his gaze on them.

4.  All four were white, middle aged, frumpy and flaming. Instead of engaging in conversation, each vied for attention in a style that was declamatory and operatic.The  fag didn't make so much a conversational point but rather, proclaimed his views in a manner that was partly Anthem and partly Aria.

5.  At first, FuelMix thought their conversational style was a humorous charade. Then he realized that it was entrenched. There's nothing worse than an adult fag pathetically trapped in his mannerisms. Worse, with those kind of mannerisms, the 4 fags would find it difficult to operate in any environment outside a pressurized cabin, except perhaps a hair salon or men's retail, balls-deep in the fag ghetto.

6.  True to form, the 4 flight attendants exhibited all the characteristics that FuelMix has learned to avoid when assessing fuckability:

• They hadn't slept in 24 hours;
• The drinks were flowing thick and fast;
• They were shrouded in a haze of cigarette smoke;
• They were wheezing and coughing;
• The were completely up to date on the latest drug du jour, when to take it, how to take it, how to ride the high, how to recover before showing up for the next sector's flight;

7.  It was a fair bet that regular sleep deprivation, jet lag, booze, cigarettes and drugs had resulted in all 4 of them wandering the planet with compromised immune systems;


2.  Male Flight Attendants:  Str8 vs Gay

1.  One of the contradictions that FuelMix has wrestled with over the years is that he has tons of respect for straight male flight attendants (yes fags, there are some) and considerably less for the gay ones. 


The Straight Ones

2.  Off the job, the straight male FA's are thoughtful, considerate, emotionally mature, sometimes married with kids, always polite, stop to talk, invite you for a coffee, introduce their girlfriends.  These guys actually read books, listen to self-improvement courses -  just all around nice guys who are fun to hang out with. And they know FuelMix is gay.


The Gay Ones: Version 1

3.  By contrast, Version 1 of gay FA's are weird.  Off the job, the fag attitude and the Bose headphones kick in. Make eye contact with them in the gym, accidentally or on purpose, and witness the famous head-swivel and the "Tsk, Tsk" sound of feigned annoyance.  These are the guys who will check YOU out in the Locker Room AND the showers, then look the other way when you catch them. They are the ones with the perpetual look of annoyance and the "I'm too good looking for you" attitude. (Hint: these are the ones who are the most effeminate, but will never admit it).


The Gay Ones:  Version 2

4.  Version 2 FA's swing to the other extreme:  ultra-congeniality to get to your cock.  These are the guys who will:

• make instant eye contact in the gym;
• flash a megawatt smile in the free weights area;
• check you out in the gym mirror and shyly lick their lips;
• find an excuse to compliment your bod;
• ask you to spot for them on the bench press so they can exhale onto your thighs;
• enquire about your career, which cities you've visited, looking for gay clues, whether you might drop the name of a gay neighbourhood.  They'll innocently mention the names of known gay bars in a few cities to see if you'll react;
• repeat several times which airline they work for and their favourite type of aircraft;
• follow you into the Locker Room to keep the conversation going as you undress.  If they like what they see when you're totally naked, they'll compliment you more and offer their number;

Inspired from the TV series, we call Version 2, "CSI Airbus-Boeing"."  That's because they turn their workout - and yours - into a forensic investigation of your body and your sexuality.  They're kinda fun in a limited way for an off night.

5.  You'll know Version 2 is getting to Fourth Base when they gently stroke your body, earnestly confirming that this IS the right muscle group that benefits from the exercise. Then they'll throw in a remark like, "I see you're wearing "Addicted"....that is such a HOT brand.....looks REALLY good on you..!! I MUST get to Barcelona..!!"  As if "Addicted" is a badge worn by body-conscious, body-flaunting, hot gay men. (Hint: it is).


The Gay Ones:  Version 3

6.  These are the middle aged, usually white, close-to-retirement, grey, fat queens.  Sorta like the ones we talked about at the beginning of this post.  They missed the AIDS bullets in the 80s and 90s and couldn't care less.  But they are also the ones constantly hammering their immune systems via drink, cigarettes, poppers and drugs.

7.  Version 3 claim to have gone to college and graduated in say, International Relations.  Somewhere along the line that transformed into bragging about cock they sucked between Maine, Mexico and Mauritius. 

8.  Bitchy, venomous and diva-like, because of their apparent seniority, you'd think they were the ones actually flying the planes, instead of steering the trolleys.  We avoid these ones.

 
The Gay Ones:  Version 4

9.  These are the hidden gems.  Again, they're usually middle aged, close-to-retirement, white or Asian.  These are the ones who absorbed the full horror of AIDS in the 80s and 90s, probably lost some friends, or significant other having looked after them.  They understand mortality and how precious Life really is.  Many of them are already alone in their life.  They'll mix with their colleagues, but don't really regard them as friends.  They're very careful about their health.

10.  There is something angelic about Version 4 when you meet them.  They've been through a lot, but they keep it to themselves.  They talk softly and carefully.  They are born to serve - there is a dignified submissiveness and discretion about them.  They're not so much Flight Attendants, as Airborne Butlers.

11.  They will softly ask for your number or email so that they can contact you when they next come to town. And they will. Their correspondence will be courteous and professional. 

12. They will have picked the restaurant in your city and made the reservation, a quiet corner table and a view.  Over dinner, they'll present you with a small gift they picked up in another city 'coz it reminded them of you.

13.  Then they'll suggest a walk along the waterfront, gently touching your hand now and then. They're not relying on their looks.  They're relying on their class.  And when they shyly invite you back to their hotel,  their room will be pristine, the lighting just right, fluffy towels and a bathrobe for you afterwards, their compliments quiet and genuine.

14.  And their sexual dedication to service and bodyworship and giving themselves up to be fucked every which way, multiple times...?  Mindblowing.  Utterly mindblowing.

15.  Then you'll get the assisted shower, the towel and the fluffy bathrobe.  They'll help you dress and they'll walk you down to the hotel lobby.

16.  As they leave town, they'll send a Thank You note from the airport, with a request to meet again.  They'll keep their word.

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