The Twink 2

1.   Body Image, Peer Pressure, Looking for True Love In A Gay Sauna, Rejection, Hurt, Confusion, The Search for Intimacy

(via WhatsApp between the Twink and FuelMix)

Twink:  Today I looked at myself in the mirror and I'm really in bad shape.[ actually he's just a skinny twink - FM ]  When I was on the street, I saw a gay couple.  Both were hot, smooth and muscular.  I felt so ashamed.

I thought a lot about that foreign guy in Action Sauna who asked me, "What are U looking for...?" At that moment, I couldn't answer him, but I now know in my heart what it is.  I want to find a boyfriend as my ultimate goal.  I don't know how to do it but I'm trying to find love in a sauna.  It's really ridiculous and I know this is wrong.......but this is the only place that people will touch me and hold me.  It makes me feel that I'm being loved.  At the same time, I feel a contradiction and that it's all hopeless.  I know that if I continue this, it will hurt me more and make me feel hollow.  I'm really really stupid.

FuelMix: (1)  Being a young gay man is not easy.  In fact, it is difficult, frustrating, contradictory and often heartbreaking......

(2)  Many young gay men have not realized that before they were born on Earth, they actually chose to be gay......

(3)   They made that choice because they knew that when they would be born on Earth, they would experience love and attraction from a different viewpoint.....

(4)   What makes it frustrating is that they look around on Earth and find people condemning them for being gay, or other gay guys rejecting them for not being hot and muscular.....

(5)   In other words, they observe others and start making comparisons with them e.g. "I'm in bad shape", "I'm ashamed of my body", "how come he has a boyfriend and I don't?" or "what I really want is a boyfriend".....

(6)   What happens is that the young gay feels inferior, inadequate and unloved.....

(7)   When he goes to the sauna or the bars or looks at gay porn, he sees all those "perfect" bodies and feels even worse.....

(8)   The spiritual reality - and real truth - is that you never needed anyone to make u feel good.....the gay lifestyle has done a great job of making you feel inferior.....

(9)   That is why so many young guys feel so hurt, so lonely and in so much pain.....

(10)  So they cover it up by saying "What I really want is a boyfriend"......

(11)  They think that as as soon as they have a BF everything will be fine.  They become desperate and even more lonely to find someone.....

(12)  In the meantime, they criticize themselves, they feel ashamed of themselves and their bodies, they think they are not attractive or good enough......So they run to the sauna looking for cuddling and thinking they might find a BF there.....


Twink:  u r absolutely correct.....how come u know the reason behind every feeling? U make me understand more about myself.  I didn't know it would be so hard to be gay.  It's really stressful.


FuelMix:  Shut up and listen......

(13)  The real problem is the young gay guy is looking OUTSIDE himself for someone to take away his pain, loneliness and feelings of inferiority......

(14)  But that's not how life works.....

(15)  People can sense when a young gay guy is desperate for a BF.  In the gay world, there is a lot of exploitation of guys - emotionally, physically and sexually.....

(16)  And a desperate young gay guy, looking for love in the sauna and having inferior feelings about himself, is an easy target for exploitation.....

(17)  Why....?  Because the sauna is a place for casual sex not true love.....

(18)  You are right when u said if u do this, u will hurt yourself

(19)  Do you know why I like you....?


Twink:  I don't know.....I think u r nice to all young gay guys


FuelMix: (20)  I love your innocence. I love your questions, I love how you miss me and tell me, I love how you make me laugh, I love how you want to kiss me, I love your honesty from your heart when you tell me several times that you love me.......do u know how much courage that takes for a young gay guy to say all that?.......

(21)  A lot!

(22)  You're looking for someone to be your BF but u haven't realized that someone **ahem** is already loving you in so many different ways that I just described.....!!

(23)  That really makes me laugh!!!

(24)  Do you know what a thrill it is for me when you want to be near me and want me to hold you tight and really close...??......

(25)  I've seen the look on your face when we're alone......you are so happy, peaceful......that is your natural state.  The gay lifestyle kills that state.......


Twink:  Thank you......really thanks......when I was in secondary school, my classmates said I have to be brave and should have more courage.  Thanks for telling me that.  Maybe I'm still weak and sad in this moment, but at least I have improved.  I have told the people who are really important to me that I love them.


FuelMix:  Anyone I know....??

FuelMix (26):  Listen sweet boy, you are perfect as you are, while working on yourself to become even better....


Twink:  Do u mean I should focus on myself to become better but not compare myself to others?


FuelMix: (27):  Yes

FuelMix (28):  You have the right to find love - on your terms, not from an emotion of sadness or hopeless feelings.  You were not born stupid or inferior.  There is nothing wrong with you or your body.


Twink:  Thank you very much. Really thanks for spending so much time with me. I feel much better now.  At least I know the reason u like me.  Sometimes I feel I'm nothing special compared to other young gay guys

FuelMix:  You're not!

Twink:  Not what?

FuelMix:  Teasing  u again!

Twink:  Hate u

FuelMix:  I think you'll be hugging me again in the near future

Twink:  I love you FuelMix - but at the same time u make me miss u even more

FuelMix:  I know you love me.......it is an honour I will always remember

Twink:  You bring magic into my life.  Even if I want to forget u I can't

FuelMix:  Are u feeling better and clearer...???  'coz I wanna sleep

Twink:  Yes. Much better.  And I know myself better.  Thanks so much.  I know u r very tired n had a busy day but u still took time to comfort me

FuelMix:  Wait till I fuck your mouth.... that will comfort u even more.  Sleep well !!

Twink:  U r very bad.......sweet dreams.

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Coming up in Part 2: How To Get A Twink to Define His Relationship With You - Without Breaking His Heart

Copyright © 2006 – 2014 FuelMix All Rights Reserved