The State Of My Pouch

With the avalanche of stats about the curious state of the world economy, it’s easy to lose sight of the simple indicators. Those fags who are not on the usual pay cheque- to- crack pipe treadmill, might be interested to know that the state of the economy can be divined by looking at the state of their underwear.

The accuracy of this oracle is said to carry the imprimatur of the former (and now thoroughly discredited) Chairman of the Federal Reserve in God’s Own Country who is said to eagerly follow the trends in Men’s Underwear Sales.

Simply put, if a man’s underwear is in less than stellar condition and he’s been putting off replacing it, the economy is still tanking. The theory goes that since hardly anyone sees a man’s underwear (well…..for fags, pretty much everybody does, but we’re talking theory here), they are the first thing a man stops buying when the economy turns grim.

Conversely, when mens underwear sales stiffen, that marks the end of “frugal fatigue” and things are looking up. Sadly, the stats are indicating that mens underwear sales – at least in God’s Own Country - won’t perk up till………2013.

So what does this mean for fags?

Most investors usually have a store of wealth. This is usually a physical asset like precious metals, jewellery, fine art, vintage cars or fine wine. Whilst there are certainly mega rich fags, the reality is that for the average urban fag, their underwear collection is the only thing to which they pay regular and loving attention – often going without food in order to buy that “must have” low riser modelled by that muscle god in the glossy brochure (whose pages are crisp with cum stains).

The fact is that no fag would be caught dead without boxers, briefs, thongs and jocks in perfect condition (usually in 2 underwear drawers all neatly arranged while the rest of his apartment is a mess). Underwear is a huge fetish for fags and is the centre piece of Underwear Parties and White Parties. In times of financial emergency or for steady income, fags sell their underwear and their jocks. It’s the equivalent of giving the shirt off their backs.

Often they’ll swap underwear with that soon-to-be-ex-BF as an intimate token of affection, which they’ll tenderly place under their pillow and inhale during the night. Then 2 weeks later when the magic is gone, they’ll hawk the thing on E-Bay or in a chat room.

Forget about the Gold Standard, a Basket of Currencies, Special Drawing Rights and Dollar Pegs. In the Fag Economy, FuelMix predicts that underwear sales should likely be brisk, or at least steady. Perhaps it’s butt warming to know that fags are keeping their end up.

Originally published 3 June 2009
Amended and Republished 20 August 2013

© 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved