Actionable Intelligence

1.  Oh...It's You Again 
2.  UFHO (Unidentified Fuckin' Hot Object)
3.  He's Watching You... 
4.  I'm Sexy And I Know It 
5.  The Bitter Aftertaste

1.  Oh...It's You Again

1.  In so far as a gay man seeks variety when fronting up in a gay sauna, the reality is that he pays to see the same people - over and over again.


2.  UFHO (Unidentified Fuckin' Hot Object)

1.  A gay sauna, like a bar, attracts a dedicated and predictable clientele. The variety occurs in isolated pockets e.g. a bi-curious stranger, some hunky tourists, horny closeted college jocks, the bodybuilder that nobody’s seen before, that muscled hot dude who only shows up every couple of months.

2.  No matter where in the world the gay sauna is, when actual variety shows up, the crowd moves in surges towards the never-before-seen hot meat. Tempers fray, fags get petulant and bitchy with each other as they compete for the new dude’s attention. It’s kinda fun to watch, especially when FuelMix is the Newly Arrived Hot Meat.  Face it....the sauna is entirely ego-driven and lust-centric.

3.  And as the actress Mae West said, "it's better to be looked over than overlooked".


3.  He's Watching You...

1.  But, lost in the surging sauna crowds pursuing fresh meat, is another kind of dude: the Perpetually Rejected Forlorn Fag (PRFF). Usually, they’re somewhat awkward in their manner, initially shy and aware that they have an uphill battle in the looks department. They can be of any age and any ethnicity.

2.  FuelMix has discovered that these PRFFs are the hidden gems in any gay sauna. As regular clientele, they can like camels, go for months without any form of lubrication. They’re not perceived as hot enough. Rather than becoming desperate like other fags, these PRFFs develop their observation and servicing skills in their mind to an extraordinary acuity.

3.  Put another way, PRFFs practice the sex in their heads. They watch the hottest Tops. They are sharply aware of what the Top is looking for, how and where he liked to be serviced, how he likes to thrust, the positions he likes, the kinks the Top is into, how many times he likes to cum, where he likes to cum, if he likes to be swallowed, his favourite fucking positions, does he like to play behind closed doors, in the glory holes, in the dark room or in public…..

4.  Quietly, over time, a PRFF builds up a complete mental dossier for the Top of his choice. And then he bides his time, before finding exactly the right location in the sauna to intercept the Top. It’s the ultimate in studied, predatory cruising.


4.  I'm Sexy And I Know It 

1.  The horny Top arrives at the sauna. All eyes are on him. He’s hot and he knows it. The crowd begins to surge. There appears to be nobody there who could service him the way he demands. Besides, he’s seen them all there before. Top walks around, getting a little annoyed and grim.



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2.  PRFF steps forward. He’d been hiding in the alcove that the Top always walks past and sometimes stops in front of. A surprising boldness overtakes the PRFF’s usual reticence. He’s not scared of rejection this time because it’s simply not going to happen.  He's been preparing for months for this moment.

3.  PRFF reaches out his hand as Top walks by and touches Top exactly where and how Top likes to be touched. Top stops abruptly. He’s seen PRFF so many times and rejected him so many times. What the hell is PRFF doing..? And why does it feel so good..? Who taught PRFF this..?

4.  PRFF whispers softly to the Top, “I know what you like….let me service you…..you’ll see….I’ve watched you……I know what you want……you can trash me like the pig that I am…..”

5.  Top steers PRFF to somewhere private. PRFF delivers sensational, sustained, mind blowing body worship, cries like a little boy when fucked balls deep, gags and tears up when brutally skull fucked and spit on, swallows cum and screams for more - only to get it 2, 3 or 4 times before sobbing in a collapsed heap.

6.  Top is impressed and leaves the whimpering PRFF to recover.

7.  In the shower, PRFF smiles at Top. Top smiles back amazed that somebody so ugly could be so sexually knowledgeable, skilled and willing to push the envelope.


5.  The Bitter Aftertaste 

1.  But it’s not all sweetness and light.

2.  PRFF is now gleefully aware of the power he wields over the Top, having studied him for so long and delivering a landmark debut servicing. As ugly as PRFF is, he knows that Top will be back for more of his ass, tongue and mouth. The Top catches only the briefest glimpse of the satanic glint in the PRFF’s eyes.

3.  A few weeks later, Top re-appears at the sauna in all his glory. All eyes are on him. He’s hot and he knows it. The crowd begins to surge. There appears to be nobody there who could service him the way he demands. Besides he’s seen them all there before. Top walks around getting a little annoyed and grim.

4.  Top sees the same PRFF.

5.  Top smiles.

6.  PRFF looks the other way and walks.

7.  He knows too much.

8.  Bastard.

Originally published 19 June 2009.  
Amended and Republished 2 November 2011 | 3 June 2017

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