Crying For My Youth

FuelMix in conversation with a mature, very well educated, gay Chinese gentleman:

About Me

1.   As a Chinese person, I am indeed proud of my impeccable English and of the quality of my British secondary and tertiary education.  Even by today's brand name university standards, I think my academic background would rank as elite.

.......And your suspicions about me are correct.  My family, whilst not high profile, is well known and generationally wealthy.  Whilst I don't wear a wedding ring, you have correctly and shrewdly observed that I have been married for a number of years. I can tell you I do have children.

2.   It was expected of me to marry and have children.  I have discharged that obligation.  Neither my wife nor children will suffer financially.

My wife knows I'm gay. As for my children....? Kids these days are neither stupid, naive nor sexually ignorant.  They'll get their sexual education via Biology, the Bedroom and Broadband.

Besides, if Mum and Dad have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years, the kids can put 2+2 together......or should that be 1 minus 1.....?

I have never been faithful to my wife and she knows it. I have had several gay lovers and I haven't been faithful to them either. I show up at gay saunas even if I am "attached".


What Turns Me On And Why I Need It

3.   I'm fascinated by athletic young and young looking gay men. As long as they're in shape, athletic or muscular, they turn my head and get my attention.  It's not because they're hot, macho, masculine or gym built - it's something more ephemeral.....it's that youthful spark that hasn't yet been extinguished, that buzz of energy that envelops them, that smell of testosterone and pheromone.......I feed off that.....it nourishes me.....I'm like an energy vampire that preys on athletic young or young-looking men.  I need sex and the sexual power that comes from them as a means of sustenance.

4.   I am a Total Bottom.  I could never be a Top.  I need to be a Bottom in order to get my "Energy Fix" from the hot young guys.  I need to worship them, every part of their body, to taste them, to swallow them, to devour them and then never forget them. For the right guy, I'll swallow more than one of his flavours.

Body worshipping a younger man orally, is a religious ritual for me, a voyage of discovery and adoration.  When I'm sucking cock, I lose track of space and time.  I'm floating somewhere.  I need his hip thrusts down my throat in so many different positions.  Each position in which he fucks my throat is like me seeing a different facet of myself.  I feel that every aspect of me is being nourished by cock.  It chokes me.....but even if I gag or puke up, I still beg him to fuck my face, sometimes with the tears running down my cheeks. A cock down my throat demanding to be serviced, stimulates me and soothes me simultaneously.

When they fuck me, they're pumping their energy into my ageing body.  Each one of their massive thrusts rejuvenates me, sending shockwaves of energy that keep me alive.  That intense feeling of penetration connects me to them.  It fills me and I surrender to them.  I have to.  I know of no other way  to survive. I'm not getting any younger.

5.  When the jock cums in my mouth, the sensation is exquisite. It is like a God's nectar that will keep my alive until I need to feed again. I am utterly destroyed by the sex, dominated and used - but at the same time I am reborn, grateful, nourished and strong.  The Chinese refer to the Phoenix that is destroyed in its own fire and reborn from its ashes.  As an Oriental, I relate to that more deeply that I can actually convey.

6.   I wish there was a way of keeping the younger jocks in my life, rather than the casual sexual encounters in bars and saunas.  But as much as I love them and need them, I also hate them intensely......


What I Hate About Young Gay Men

7.   I hate the way that older gay men are despised by younger ones. I hate the horrible manners these 20 and 30 somethings show to older men.  The Chinese guys are the worst.  It doesn't matter whether they are local Chinese or overseas Chinese..........they have imported the sickening mentality of Western disrespect to their elders.  I may be Western educated, but I am very proud of my Chinese heritage and culture.  But these younger Chinese fools think that because they go to the gym, have a good body and get followed around in the sauna, that the can get away with rudeness and an utter lack of simple courtesy to older gay men.

8.  They haven't realized what ageing is.......they haven't realized the emotional and physical changes that come with it.  These young Chinese idiots haven't appreciated how an older gay man can hurt so deeply when gay culture simply promotes youth as the ideal and the only thing there is.  They haven't understood the sense of social and sexual abandonment, the shunning, the "assumed superiority" based on youth, looks and drug use.  They have no idea - and neither do they care - about the massive pain they cause to the older gay men who adore them so much,  but recoil in disgust in when faced with outrageously rude and condescending behaviour.


The Ignorance And Stupidity Of Young Gay Men

9.   These young fools have no sense of history.  They haven't realized that their sexual freedom - their ability to openly French Kiss in the bars, to hug each other in the streets, to cruise in the toilets, to show up on Naked Nights at 24 hour gay saunas in town, to buy things in gay clothing shops, to go on gay vacations, to kiss each other on the cheek at gay film festivals, to surf online porn - is due to what the older gay men first did as Acts of Courage and Defiance, both in Asia and elsewhere.  WE TOOK THE RISKS FOR THEM TO CREATE THAT SAFE SPACE IN WHICH THEY CAN OPERATE, LIVE AND BREATHE AS FREE GAY MEN........WE TOOK THE RISK OF PERSECUTION, PROSECUTION AND BLACKMAIL.......AND HOW DO THEY ACT TOWARDS US......???  THROUGH SHIT ATTITUDE...!!!.........AND PRETENDING WE DON'T EXIST........

10.   These fuckin' 20 somethings can only play Russian Roulette with their health and their looks. I giggle when I overhear desperate 20 and 30 somethings discussing Botox.  I know for a fact that these guys are already lying downwards about their age.  Their lifestyle is catching up with them.

11.   Sure.....the sauna will be packed with hot muscular gym guys showing up at 1am.  They'll be jacked on Viagra and an amphetamine and all the twinks will chase them......I'll plod along in the corridors doing my best to cruise. I'll probably be the only older guy there at that time.  If I'm lucky, I'll get a hot jock.  He thinks he's showing off his superiority, his requirement to be worshiped, the fact that he's using me when he could get anyone he wants.......

12.   He's too stupid, and sometimes too drugged-up, to know I'm using him too.  Like I said....as much as I adore them.....I also hate them.

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