For Whom The (Taco) Bell Tolls

South of the border from God's Own Country, is the state of NarcoTaco.  Lately it's been in the news because of drug-related killings which local and federal governments seem unable to prevent.  NarcoTaco is a popular retirement and holiday destination for fags, because of its low cost of living and the abundance of  greasy chicanos who can leverage their culture of machismo and fuck fags for a few pesos before returning to the wife and kids.

Just north of the border from God's Own Country, is the state of God's Meth Lab.  It's unofficial capital is Vancouver (of which we've made detailed comments) that bills itself as World Class City (and which, a couple of years ago, was identified as the world's epicentre for the export of syphillis).

Here in Asia, we've been hearing that there are a considerable number of greasy chicano "fags" (you can never tell with these guys) overstaying their visas in Vancouver, working menial jobs for under the table cash and then marrying a generic white fag (sometimes considerably older than them) in order to stay there.  They meet their white fags when the fag bars have ethnic evenings like "Latino Nite" or they just hang out at the fag bar regularly.

There's nothing new about marriages of convenience. Happens all the time.  But the massively drug-fucked fags in Vancouver have never been able to think straight.  Not only are they're living in a dying fag eco-system, err..........those 2 blocks that pass as Fagland, but  many fags there are economically unstable. We wonder just how much rational thought the white fags give to the notion of "citizenship marriages" when their already drug-fucked brain is further pickled by tequila, a chilled Corona and a greasy chicano swaying to the beat of the fag bar's jukebox.

If the chicano got by on cash earned under the table after overstaying a visa, it doesn't automatically follow that marriage to a white ghetto fag allows him to enter mainstream employment.  There's the slightly inconvenient matter of explaining to the bureaucracy why he overstayed in the first place.  Sometimes, a lawyer has to do the talking and that costs bucks.  Who pays?

Neither does it follow that the now-married chicano will want to enter mainstream employment.  After all, those deductions from the pay packet really add up and he could make a bundle simply by moonlighting - as and when the jobs come along.

In the meantime, who supports him?  Oh yeah, the white ghetto fag - at least initially.  But since the average urban fag has the attention span of a rubber band, how long is that gonna last?

What about the language and cultural differences?  Now that they're married, what are the rules of commitment?  It's one thing bringing home a chicano from the bar for a night of fun with his maracas, but it's another thing to discover that Manuel, or Jose, or Alejandro  has the table manners of a dog, friends who look like livestock, won't do housework, refuses to be seen in public with the white fag fearing his 15th cousin might spot them and report him to Mama and hangs out with the Honduran Mafia known to dabble in human trafficking for sex slavery.

Are we being too harsh?   Some fags might squeal that the white fags are being altruistic and offering the chicano a better life.  Oh please........ these  chicanos weren't born yesterday.  They're well aware of the difference between exploiting and being exploited.  Heck, they probably already have a social grapevine and a full system in place to strategically position the next chicano off the production line, complete with "New Latino Smell" exactly where the white fag will spot him.

And the white fag? Altruism isn't in his vocabulary either.  He gets a semblance of a relationship - without a clear context, commitment or rules - some praise from his equally stupid fag friends, legal fees, a sort-of-husband-occasionally-rent-paying-roomate, Spanish Made Easy CDs and a sinking feeling.

Originally published 10 June 2010
Amended and Republished 13 May 2013