Gay Sauna Etiquette 1

FuelMix was not surprised to observe the massive popularity of his gay sauna reviews.  However, he was not expecting readers to the blog who appeared as a result of the Google search words, "gay sauna etiquette".

FuelMix realized he might have put the cart before the horse.  It was all very well to publish encyclopedic detail of what to find in a gay sauna ostensibly aimed at the confident gay man who knew what to do.  But what about those fags, quasi-fags, wannabe fags and fags-in-denial who hadn't a clue what to do once they got there?

There appear to be 5 categories of hapless fags:

The Tourist Fag - He just needs a refresher course on gay sauna etiquette, with reference to the local jurisdiction;

Barely Legal Age Twinks - massively horny to dip their boner into a hot tub and see who else is chillin'.  If they haven't yet developed an attitude, they can be kinda fun to run into in a gay sauna.  These guys are like puppies - they'll wag their tail at anyone.  And sometimes that's the problem.

Miserably Married Fags - Who've admitted to themselves that they can only eat fish if it's on a plate - even if they haven't yet told the clitoris and the kids.  Most are lousy cocksuckers.  But some are spectacular pigs, at both ends, once they release their Inner Man Pussy they always knew they had;

Terrified Suffocating Closet Bisexuals - Why does FuelMix say they are suffocating? They're caught somewhere between hetero, metro and homo.  They'll come with all the usual descriptive tags - str8 looking, str8 acting, masculine, wax their back, trim their chest hair and pubes, go for facials, be part time models, suit and tie professionals with a jawline.  Problem is they're stuck to a clitoris.  She could be hot, but secretly they crave more than that - and only another man can give it to them.  Why are they terrified? They've got high paying jobs, often they're in their early 30s, they hit the gym, they may have even started a family.  They're hot, they know it, and they're fuckin' scared.  They can easily be spotted on the street, pretending not to cruise. (Hint: as soon as they make eye contact, they'll look at their feet.  A real fag would swivel his head).


Itinerant Fags On Business Trips - These are the ones FuelMix utterly loathes.  They can be yuppie, middle aged or elderly.  Back in their dog park, these fools are the str8, gin-swilling pillars of the Anglican church.  Often they'll be Rotary Club members, Freemasons, Committee Member of this or that, "masculine jock professional", "former college athlete","family values/love my wife guy"  blah, blah, blah.... But........buy them a Business Class ticket and watch them crank out the ads on Craigslist - complete with naked faceless pic taken in the reflection of the hotel bathroom mirror.  When they leave town and head home to the clitoris, expect them to post a final ad giving their flight number or the airline Business Class Lounge where they'll be lurking. FuelMix wrote about these shitheads in his brilliant posts, "Yeah I'm Straight" and "The Vow".  These guys, fags to the core, can be very duplicitous.

The fascinated reader will have realized that not only are these categories distinct, but they also merge.  For example:

• a Barely Legal Aged Twink can be on his way to becoming a Terrified Suffocating Closet Bisexual
• a Terrified Suffocating Closet Bisexual can also be a Miserably Married Fag
• a Miserably Married Fag can also be an Itinerant Fag On A Business Trip
• an Itinerant Fag On A Business Trip can also be a Terrified Suffocating Closet Bisexual

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