But...Is He Gay..?
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I remember having no problem the first time I asked a guy out. But it
was a simple matter because I knew he was gay. But what it I didn't? You
want to ask a guy out but you do not know if he is gay. How should you
do it?
The answer is very simple: Ask him out without asking him out. Confused?
Don't be. I'll explain. I'm a fan of developing relationships as
friends first (eventually evolving into romantic friendships, then
exclusive dating, then more, etc).
You should take this route—especially since his sexuality is up in the air.
Invite him out to do buddy things—a movie; a game of pool; happy hour; a
game of Wii—basically, things friends do. Get to know him as a person
and open the door for him to get to know you. How do you approach him?
Find something (I'm sorry, anything) that you have in common—the color
blue, his sneakers, that gap between his teeth—and strike up a
conversation. Then hit him with the invite to do friendly activities.
The idea isn't to seduce him, but to become friends, as you would with
any other friend.
You'll build a mutual trust as your friendship grows. Soon afterward you
can brush the topic of sexuality. Keep it vague at first by just
mentioning gay things, like the latest gay marriage news or gays in the
military or your "gay friend" from high school. Then judge his
reactions. Once you're comfortable, come out to him.
If he's gay or bi, then he'll response with a disclosure of his own - if
he is ready to come out and willing to share it with you. If he's not,
and worth anything as a human being, he'll stick by your side and at
least be your buddy. Worst case scenario, he is not, and you're better
off without him.
Manage your expectations, though. You like him, so consciously or not,
you've built a fantasy in your head about you two being together.
Sexuality, friendships and relationships are not quite that transparent.
Keep an open mind for an infinite amount of scenarios: He may be gay
and not ready to come out; he may be gay and is just not into you; he
may be straight and a homophobe; he may be straight and gay friendly; or
he may be gay and into you. Don't focus on your wants right now; focus
on what is.
It's more difficult for us gays sometimes, because we have to assess
sexuality and then spit our game to get a date. Most of the guys use
this strategy in the gay scene, also because, mostly they are looking
for sex, although they don't admit it. Resist the gay need to get the
man now and take your time building a friendship. Soon enough all of the
mysteries surrounding your hottie will be revealed.
-----"Is He Gay Or Not?Asking a Guy Out", LiveAbout, 13 December 2017
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