Talking To Adam 8

You know, it's a funny thing.........like other gay guys I have a strong sex drive.  I'm in great shape, go to the gym and I don't have trouble getting attention.  Every so often, I'd hit the saunas, get my rocks off and leave.

But over the last year, something kinda weird has happened to me when I hit the saunas......... I don't feel like playing with anyone there regardless of how hot they are.  I can't exactly explain it........it's the weirdest feeling. I'm in my early 30s, I've never smoked, never done drugs or chems of any kind, I don't have problems performing but yet..........when I get to the sauna (and it doesn't matter which ones around town)........I look around at the guys and I just don't feel like having action with any of them, even if they're cruising me.

At first I thought it was because the same guys were showing up at the different saunas and since they didn't interest me then, they wouldn't interest me now.  But that didn't explain my reluctance to have action with other hot guys whom I hadn't seen before.

The only way I can describe it is that it's something that goes beyond the Gaydar.  It's this feeling that I don't want that hot guy anywhere near me because of his emotional vibes.........does that make any sense......?

It's like.......I don't want any physical diseases and now I also don't want any emotional diseases either regardless of whether the guy is a bodybuilder or a jock or whatever.  It's so weird and I sometimes feel like I'm terrifying myself or losing my mind...........but honestly, there have been so many occasions over the last year where I showed up at the saunas, got heavily cruised by good looking guys...........but just couldn't bring myself to do anything with them............it  was as if I was unconsciously - but accurately - reading their emotional vibes and what I was picking up was just too toxic or was just incompatible with my own vibe....... so I'd sit in one corner or just wander around getting zero action...........and frankly I didn't care.  I was actually comfortable and relieved I wasn't getting any action.

Does that make any sense.........? What I'm trying to say is that even though the gay saunas are all about anonymous no strings attached sex, it's actually a hoax.  There is no such thing as No Strings Attached sex.  You're actually picking up the guy's emotional "stuff" as well and I have this strange feeling that I'm actually beginning to read the guy's vibes.  It's as if I have 2 Gaydars - one physical, one emotional and BOTH have to be in sync for me to have action with that guy.

It never used to be like that for me in the past.  It's not that I'm looking for a relationship with that guy.  But it is as if my own body is telling me that emotional diseases can be as debilitating as physical diseases and you have to watch out for both at the same time.

I dunno..........call me nuts if you like.........but that's how I feel.  And it's happening more and more when I hit the saunas. And now, even when I'm cruised on the streets, the same double Gaydar is kicking in.

It's not that I'm running away from sexual contact.  It's as if something is forcing me to become more choosy - and it goes beyond looks.

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved