Gay Sauna Bromance 2

Further to FuelMix's questions, Hong Kong Sauna Slut, who found love in the saunas, responded further.

For clarity, FuelMix has inserted his questions via bold italics into the narrative:

Whether the 2 of you are about the same age? Or if there is a large age difference?
Do you both have a similar education background?
Work-wise what kind of jobs do you have?


Some bio info might paint a more complete picture of my situation. Except for his being local and my being an expat, my boyfriend and I have nearly identical profiles. We're both gym-fit, low-key Asians in our mid-30s, university-educated and professionals - he's an architect and I'm a lawyer. Of course, when we met we had no idea we'd be so compatible.

Which sauna did you meet in?  Was in on a weekend or a weekday?

We met mid-week at Double, a fact I hate to admit because I disliked their prejudiced door policy. Yet I kept going back because, well, I'm drawn to physically hot Asian dudes. But that normally means dealing with attitude. We've all seen physically stunning guys strutting or turning up a nose at guys who express interest, and that gets boring. So when someone has a genuine or approachable air about himself, or looks self-assured without being cocky, or knows how to put together a witty or original comment, he is rare and grabs my attention. 

Too often in HK saunas I've retreated to cabins with guys who aim to be completely served, offering no affection or effort in return, all take and no give. Or, just as often, I went soft the moment they spoke, and I'm not saying they need to be fluent in English. Too many guys have nothing interesting to say, even after a decent fuck. This will sound mean, but I think for some guys the best thing coming from their mouth is the moan when they cum and then it's all downhill, literally. Whether locals or expats, narcissism rules. We can't expect deep conversation in a sauna, but sexual stimulation is more than me-first indulgence, right?

Are you Out as a committed couple to your acquaintances?  

How do you introduce each other? 

Although I was always looking for the next hottie, I guess without my knowing it at the time, I was longing for a connection, an encounter that might lead to a person who was open to a relationship. Despite my extraordinary luck in finding my current boyfriend, one challenge I'd like to share - and welcome advice on - is that he and I have different levels of being 'out'. 

My boyfriend's out to everyone but not 'in your face'. He told me he 'informed' his family one day by inviting his boyfriend at the time to a family function and let everyone draw their own conclusions. He didn't declare anything, but when asked directly, he didn't - and still doesn't - deny that he's gay. I, on the other hand, am far more cautious. Might be the lawyer in me, but I don't think it's anyone's business. I only came out to my parents a few years ago, so only they and my closest family and friends know. I don't have many gay friends as I find too many to be gossipy, bitchy and/or shallow. My boyfriend's closest mates are gay, which makes sense because he's been out since university and regularly sees these guys in HK. 

This disparity between his comfort level and mine has led to our hanging out more with his circle of friends. But when it comes to my friends and colleagues in HK, where I've lived a few years but haven't yet made close friends, I introduce him as a good friend. Because my boyfriend and I are fairly masculine (or so I'm told) nobody asks further. I know his and my different views will need to be reconciled as our circles overlap. But I only want those I trust most to know about my love life. I often think, "is my being gay really everyone's business ?"

 
Do you intend to inform your family in North America notwithstanding there is a distance buffer?

I don't plan now to introduce him to my family in North America. They seldom visit HK, and when they do, I put them in a hotel that's more spacious than my flat. A half year of dating isn't long, and he isn't pushing me to announce us, but if we reach one year I'll reconsider.   

Since you're not living together, is he comfortable staying overnite in your flat?

As it stands, my boyfriend spends as much time at my place as possible unless he has to check on his mother. Being together in my flat is the highlight of our relationship. It's great when he spends the night, leaves his things, helps me cook or just curls up with me as we watch TV. It's also hot as hell waking up with a stud wrapped around you whose sexiness comes from his caring about you as a person and whom you care about every single day.

Now that you're both committed and monogamous, would you both consider showing up at a sauna, but only playing with each other?

This leads to one more point I'd like to make, and that's about balancing our desire to be monogamous with a desire to keep things fresh. FuelMix, you know of my rather powerful urge to sample HK's finest gay men. I used to visit saunas weekly and sometimes multiple times weekly. Although that urge has virtually disappeared since meeting my boyfriend, the urge did flare up. One night in late summer we agreed to mix things up sexually with a third.

My boyfriend and I decided to visit Alexander since neither of us had been in ages. Within minutes of arriving, we spotted a guy we both fancied. My boyfriend took charge, following him to the steam room. I joined moments later, and the three of us made out there and then found a cabin, where the guy wanted to fuck us both. My boyfriend had wanted to top him, which the guy wasn't prepared to do - we thought he had said he was versatile - so I offered my slutty ass as my boyfriend and I locked lips. The guy seemed to want to get in without a condom, which we put a stop to right away. So, the guy jerked off fast and abruptly left. 

We found this experience a fitting illustration of how unpredictable it can be for a committed couple 'looking outside' for sex. Here was a guy who at first glance seemed to fit our idea of fun. But what this guy wanted versus what my boyfriend and I wanted made things tricky. That was the most recent sauna visit for both of us. We haven't ruled out a return, but for now, my boyfriend and I feel content at home, playing with, and caring for, just each other.