Redemption
FuelMix ran into a famliar-looking fag at the University Of Fag Bar (pending accreditation) and kicked back to get an update. Fag has a steady job, works hard, dresses simply, has a nice little apartment downtown, drinks moderately, and is exploring a new boyfriend (complete with irritating, cutesy cell fone interruptions).
Fag doesn’t look like someone who would grace the pages of a porno mag and might not even be someone immediately noticed on entering a bar. But FuelMix likes this fag because he’s unpretentious and comfortable in his own skin.
The hot summer had given fag a deep tan. FuelMix playfully commented that fag must be getting a lot of “exposure”. Fag blushed and said he was trying to look a little more vibrant as part of his “healing”. FuelMix pricked up his ears.
“I’m a recovering heroin addict” said fag, matter-of-factly. FuelMix was aghast. Fag seemed so normal, almost loveably cuddly.
“Could you tell me more...?” asked FuelMix, half expecting to be rebuffed.
“Sure”, said fag, “I’d be happy to”.
And then the story emerged. A few years earlier, while working in the film industry, fag started to experiment with chems. He was befriended by a much older, manipulative fag who was taking his money and introducing him to ever increasing amounts of heroin. Effectively, fag paid for both their addictions while smoking and mainlining himself into oblivion.
Fag ended up living in the shell of a rusty car before being taken in by friends. He was now on methadone treatment. It was suppressing his testosterone levels and he was receiving injections.
“So that’s about it”, said fag politely. “One baby step at a time. I’ve been totally clean a while now. Never again”.
There was another cutesy cell fone interruption from the new boyfriend. Fag giggled and winked at FuelMix.“I’ve got a new addiction”, he said shyly. “He knows all about it. It’s only fair”.
Fag doesn’t look like someone who would grace the pages of a porno mag and might not even be someone immediately noticed on entering a bar. But FuelMix likes this fag because he’s unpretentious and comfortable in his own skin.
The hot summer had given fag a deep tan. FuelMix playfully commented that fag must be getting a lot of “exposure”. Fag blushed and said he was trying to look a little more vibrant as part of his “healing”. FuelMix pricked up his ears.
“I’m a recovering heroin addict” said fag, matter-of-factly. FuelMix was aghast. Fag seemed so normal, almost loveably cuddly.
“Could you tell me more...?” asked FuelMix, half expecting to be rebuffed.
“Sure”, said fag, “I’d be happy to”.
And then the story emerged. A few years earlier, while working in the film industry, fag started to experiment with chems. He was befriended by a much older, manipulative fag who was taking his money and introducing him to ever increasing amounts of heroin. Effectively, fag paid for both their addictions while smoking and mainlining himself into oblivion.
Fag ended up living in the shell of a rusty car before being taken in by friends. He was now on methadone treatment. It was suppressing his testosterone levels and he was receiving injections.
“So that’s about it”, said fag politely. “One baby step at a time. I’ve been totally clean a while now. Never again”.
There was another cutesy cell fone interruption from the new boyfriend. Fag giggled and winked at FuelMix.“I’ve got a new addiction”, he said shyly. “He knows all about it. It’s only fair”.
“Does he know how much courage you have..?” asked FuelMix, feeling slightly inadequate.
"It's just a part of my life I've come to terms with", said the fag. "Either that, or I wouldn't have a life".
Originally published 15 August 2006
Republished 7 March 2014
Copyright © 2006 – 2014 FuelMix All Rights Reserved
One of the best you've written - and you write very well.
ReplyDeleteGood to hear he is open about his past and is doing something to better himself and his situation.
ReplyDeletePowerful stuff. But the bigger question remains - why are fags so addicted, to sex, drugs etc.? What IS it about being a fag that does this? or makes it so easy? It's everywhere.
ReplyDeleteHe made the choice to be an addict and the choice not to be one. At least he was smart enought to choose and take the recovery 1 day at a time. How many fags are still automatic addicts?
ReplyDeleteAddiction isn't a choice. Taking drugs, knowing it could possibly lead to addiction IS a choice.
ReplyDeleteNearly everyone thinks they are immune to something, whether it is STDs, poison ivy, traffic tickets, addiction or something else.
Good for him for making the jump to being clean. Most people laugh at the "weak" in society. How often does anyone really consider the determination and courage it takes to break an addiction? Could be that the "gone clean" are more accomplished people than the rest of us ever will be....