Pretty Simple, Really

And so it was, that FuelMix found himself at the downtown campus of the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation). Knocking back a Vodka Lime, FuelMix focused his attention on an ugly GAM who was coming on to a much older, uglier, pasty faced English fag. The English fag had a piggy-pink complexion which was quite alarming under the bar lights. It reminded FuelMix of the colour of Lady Penelope’s pink Rolls Royce on that uber fabulous cult puppet series, “Thunderbirds”. 

There was no doubt about it. GAM, although having all the erotic allure of an earthworm, was horny. And the English fag, an obvious tourist, was flattered and pathetically grateful for the attention. 

Things heated up at that end of the bar. There was lots of groping and smooching and smooching and groping. There were grunts, sighs and squeals. A lot of spit was being swapped. Neither of them showed any particular finesse in the fine art of public seduction. FuelMix felt like writing notes on his drinks napkin and sending it over to them for reference, but figured that watching them clumsily seduce each other by trial and error was more fun. 

Suddenly, the 2 of them paid for their drinks and bailed out of the bar to the English fag’s hotel. The bar tender winked at FuelMix knowingly. 

But, 20 minutes later the GAM reappeared, looking utterly pissed off. Not a hair was out of place. He resumed his seat at the bar and ordered another drink. The bar tender went over and a few words were exchanged.

Unable to contain his curiosity, FuelMix summoned the bar tender and asked what happened.

Barely able to control his laughter, the bar tender leaned over and sneered, "they had a fight.  Turns out they're both Tops".  

Originally published 6 March 2008.  
Amended and Republished 25 October 2011 | 7 December 2013 | 9 December 2015

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