Awkward Questions

Well fags, here is the post that launched this blog on 26 April 2006. We had so many questions swirling in our pretty head that we split them into sections so that we wouldn't get overwhelmed when we read them.  Updated from time to time, they still remain relevant.

We remind our readers to check out these Awkward Questions before tackling the blog.

Then you'll understand the space from which we write........namely lamestream gay media's refusal or inability to confront those questions.

We have no political or religious affiliations. We've never claimed to have the right answers - but we do claim the right to unabashedly articulate the issues and encourage our readers to find the answers that ring true for them.

PART 1

• All male sex was more fun when it was illegal?
• Being “gay” is so over. But where to from here?
• Absolutely convinced in your gut that there are indeed behavioural, emotional and psychological differences between a gay man and a fag...?
• Broadway show tunes leave you cold?
• Craigslist or Grindr doesn’t work for you?.....or just leaves you pissed off....?
• Don’t give a fuck about gay activism?
• Getting tired and suspicious of gay activists screeching about how you and straight people should deal with the gay part of your life?
• Don't remember giving your permission to be grouped as "GLBT", but everywhere one looks, there it is..?
• Don’t these fags have any fuckin’ manners..?
• If he's str8 looking str8 acting, why can't he give a str8 answer..?

 

PART 2

• Excluded or ignored because of Gay Ageism?
• Just who came up with the cut off age of 35 seen in so many online ads for hookups?
• Feel you’re getting ripped off by gay businesses?
• Gay Pride does nothing for You?
• Gay Racism is alive and well?
• It's not so much Diversity as it is a series of cliques?
• Ghetto fags are like Jews? Say anything and you’re automatically deemed to be against them?
• Given up meeting online liars?
• Had it up to here with fags with baggage?
• Just where did the cult of the diva come from...?  Why is that the modus operandi of so many gay men?
• There really is a wealth gap between a thinking gay man and a fag?
• Ever feel that you're gay and homophobic.........and that might actually be a good thing?

PART 3

• If fags have sex so often, how come their people skills are so bad?
• Intuitively know that “gay” “queer” “fag” “homo” will never describe You?
• Just how many underwear do you need to find acceptance?
• Just show me one twink who isn’t fucked up?
• Nothing in common with ghetto fags?
• Nothing in the “gay lifestyle” is empowering?
• Roll your eyes when you hear “str8 looking, str8 acting”?
• Why are so many young gay guys sold the glitter, sex n' drugs  of Faggotry without being taught how to become empowered self-aware gay men?
• How and why did drugs become such an integral part of "the gay lifestyle"?

PART 4

• Safe sex compared to what?
• Seen the same losers on different sites?
• Suspicious of Gay Media?
• Even more suspicious of Gay "celebrities"? 
• You've looked at online gay porn and realized that you're seeing the same faces and dicks on so many different sites that gay porn has got to be a cartel distributorship?
• Why can't gay porn sites ever tell the truth about their actual content instead of bouncing you from site to site to site?
• That sinking feeling when urged to support “your community”?
• What the hell was I thinking when I fell for that “your pic gets mine” bullshit?
• Why are ghetto fags broke most of the time?
• Why are fags bashing monogamy?
• For a sub-culture obsessed with perfect bodies, why do so many have damaged immune systems?

PART 5

• Why do fags lie so much about the little things? 
• Why are there so many grinning sleep deprived fags on the social pages of Gay Media?
• Why are fags “chem friendly” but hostile to each other?
• Why does the “lifestyle” produce so many chronic underachievers?
• Why must fags be so politically correct?  Where has that come from?
• You ain’t “family”?
• You will never swear allegiance to the rainbow flag?
• What the hell are all these str8 guys turning gay for? 
• Just how bi-curious do you have to be before you turn gay?
• Can you be miserably married and happily gay?

Originally published 26 April 2006
Amended and Republished 2 September 2011, 28 September 2013

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

What ? Me Gay ?

" 'Gay' is a left-wing socio-political construct designed to create grounds for fundamental rights [based on] whimsical capricious desires…….Gay identity does not exist.”

-------Ryan Sorba, Chairman of the Young Conservatives of California quoted in “Who Are The Real Sodomites? By Jay Michaelson, Huffington Post, 15 April 2011.

“OOOooohhh…..not bad”, thought FuelMix, but we digress.

Apparently the Young Conservatives in the Not-So-Golden-State take the view that the word, “Gay” should no longer be used and should be replaced by the word, “Sodomite”.  Jay Michaelson’s article is a riposte to show that the word, “Sodomite” had nothing to do with homosexuality.  It refers to inhospitality and greed, not sex.

He points out that he word, “Sodomite” was invented during mediaeval times to describe the sins of........Catholic priests………and covers all forms of non-procreative sex, including oral sex.  Accordingly str8s could accurately be described as “Sodomites” as well.

FuelMix thinks that the Young Conservative description of “Gay” as a left wing socio-political construct is pretty accurate.  In the West, fags tend to vote socialist and bitch unceasingly for this right and that right.  They love sucking the nipple of the state.  Any right wing leanings are as the Gay Nazis of Political Correctness.

However, both  Michaelson’s riposte and the Young Conservatives claim to use “Sodomite”, raise the larger issue  of what to call men into men.  This is one of the reasons  FuelMix started  the blog.  “Gay” is so over. Period.  It doesn’t begin to describe what’s actually happening – namely a polarization between a cluster of Fags balls deep, drug-fucked in “the lifestyle”, and those Gay Men seriously questioning the validity of “the lifestyle” and the extent to which it actually empowers them.  Neither does it cover the hordes of "str8" men who are recreationally "gay", but otherwise in flat out denial.

FuelMix has said several times, if the flaky “lifestyle” is what it means to be “Gay”, then maybe he isn’t.  Secondly, in order to be a successful “Gay” man, it is necessary to be homophobic by today’s fag standards.

And therein lies the questions……….where will this dissatisfaction lead.....? and how will men attracted to other men define themselves........??

Originally published 8 May 2011
Amended and Republished 27 September 2013

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Gay Sauna Death - Singapore

Just to show how everything is inter-connected........ just days after we uploaded the post on yet another death in a gay sauna in Vancouver and observing that those in Asia were well aware of what was going on there, a reader in Hawaii sent us a link from the Straits Times in Singapore reporting on the coroner's court finding on the death of a customer in a gay sauna in Singapore.

The brief report is quoted in full:

A naked businessman found hanging at an all-male spa could have died as the result of a sex game that went wrong, a court heard yesterday.

Mr Yeo Hung Song may have been practising auto-erotic asphyxiation, which involves starving the brain of oxygen to increase sexual arousal. 

But State Coroner Imran Abdul Hamid said that suicide was also a possibility. He added that the 48-year-old restaurant boss, who was not married, suffered from depression and was believed to have harboured suicidal tendencies.

Mr Yeo was found dead in a cubicle at Club One Seven Spa & Gym - which is strictly for men only and has membership cards that list no names but only numbers. The court heard that he arrived on a motorbike at about 2pm on Nov 19 last year.

--------Businessman's death at spa: 'suicide or sex game gone wrong', Straits Times, 26 September 2013

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Death of a Gay Ghetto 12

Vancouver's Dirty Gay Secret.......Deaths in the gay saunas......drugs..??

Halfway across the world, from here in Very Rich Megacity, we keep hearing about the downward social spiral of that unflushed toilet on the West Coast (that bills itself as "World Class City").

As we've pointed out before in this series, there's no shortage of peeps in Asia who've been to Vancouver, lived there, studied there or have relatives and friends there.  Their information is accurate and right up to date.  More often than not - once one gets past the "oh......the scenery is so pretty....." facade - the reality of life - gay or str8 - is shitty. (Further, the well informed in Asia flatly reject The Economist's suspiciously repetitive ranking of Vancouver as "Best Place In The World To Live" ........).

We've received praise for our accurate coverage of the Death of a Gay Ghetto series - and apparently it's been discussed on Facebook - not that we care about the praise, we're more interested in the accuracy.

It's been known in Asia for several years that :

• Vancouver ranks high (pun intended) on the list of drug-fucked cities of the world; and
• the gay saunas in Vancouver have high drug overdose rates and several deaths. It's well known in Vancouver too, but hardly talked about within "the community" since they're subject to politically correct coverups and gay-community enforced censorship. There's a symbiotic relationship between the saunas and local gay media. One needs customer goodwill.  The other needs the advertising revenue.

We've written about gay community censorship generally in our post, Gag Rags And Propaganda.

A reader in Vancouver sent us an update - of yet another "sudden death" in a gay YVR bath house. See here.  Initially, it was met with an online wall of silence and silent terror but we understand from our source that a couple of people are asking questions on a gay forum that is notorious for its censorship.

We have the names of saunas in YVR which have been the subject of overdoses and / or deaths, but we won't publicly name them.  We don't need to.  They're only 3 of them downtown anyway (and a so-called playspace) Do the math.

Wanna hear something even more bizarre that explains the silent terror with which news of this latest fatality was received......??

The answer:  So long as it didn't happen this time in the most popular sauna in town, it's OK.

God forbid that Vancouver fags should lose their current favourite fuck joint to a corpse...........*sigh*.

Seriously, we're not making this stuff up.

(So now in Vancouver, when the fags complain that a gay sauna is "dead", ask exactly what that means.....).

Yet again, we have to point out to some of our (white) easily outraged, politically correct readers, that we're not interested in gratuitously bashing a city.  We've said it before that Vancouver presents a text book example of all that is structurally, socially and systemically wrong with a gay ghetto. And that deserves analysis and commentary - if only to bash through the pervasive wall of silence and get people to confront the issues for future generations of gay men worldwide.

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Hutong Sauna 7

2/F Kar Wong Building
639 - 645 Shanghai Street
Mong Kok
Kowloon
Hong Kong
MTR: Argyle Station, Exit A2

Tel: 2396 9595
Web: Hutong Sauna
Open 24 hours 


Received from a reader today:

Hey FuelMix

Long time no speak. Hope you are doing well.

Your very recent review of Hunter has prompted me to provide my own perspective on the infamous Hutong (the reincarnation of Double...or is it?). I visited it for the first time on Wednesday last week and just thought that I'd share a few thoughts.

Just to provide a context to this review; I'm a thirty year old GWM who would be described as reasonably 'gym fit'/ lightly toned, but not particularly muscular. As I'm not a GAM and I'm not a muscle god, I've always been put off visiting Double/ Hutong (their 'door policy' is somewhat legendary on the gay scene here, as discussed in other posts). Like yourself, I'm also fairly dismayed that a sauna is operating such a policy in the first place...irrespective of whether I am their target audience. However, I'd heard a few whispers recently that their door policy had gone out the window, so curiosity got the better of me.

To provide further context; I'm not a particularly avid sauna goer here. I maybe go to Alexander once a month, and used to go to Action fairly frequently a few years ago, but not in the last two years. I was also a fan of Towel Club, but alas it's long gone. So I think sub consciously I was comparing Hutong to Alexander when I visited last week, as it's the only sauna I've visited in HK fairly recently.

So, how did it go?

Entrance/ Lockers 

The entrance is slightly difficult to find (it's on Fife Street, and the building name - 'Kar Wong Building' - is only written in Chinese on the outside). This isn't a white mans whinge, but just to give a heads up to non Chinese reading readers. The actual sauna entrance is on the second floor of this building. 

After buzzing myself in, I paid coin (HKD 138.00) to the fairly hunky receptionist and entered the locker room. The locker room was perfectly fine......spacious and clean. There was a definite clean, minimalist vibe about the whole place. The locker was a bit on the small side but that's a common theme in HK.  


Other Facilities 

There is a nice looking lounge area adjacent to the lockers where a few local guys were already sitting (FYI- I arrived at around 5pm). There is a staircase at the side of the lounge area which leads you down to the showers/ sauna/ jacuzzi. Everything looked great.....modern, well maintained and clinically clean. I liked the fact that clean towels were stacked up next to the shower area (FYI- Wednesday is 'handkerchief' towel day, so be prepared to basically walk around naked). The jacuzzi looked nice but, like FuelMix, I find the concept fairly gross so I gave it a wide berth. 

Adjacent to the whole 'wet area' are a maze of private rooms and interlinked 'dark rooms'/ areas. Again, I found this clean and well laid out. It's fairly spacious, as there must be around 20 private rooms there (similar to Alexander but laid out in a more interesting fashion). There's the usual array of porn playing on small TV's as you walk round (all Asian porn when I visited). 


Clientele 

Now to the important bit. Let's face it, nice facilities are great and everything, but gay men go to saunas primarily to get a bit of action. Which I got (but more of that later).

The sauna was already fairly busy at 5pm when I arrived, and got steadily busier until I left at around 8pm. At peak time there must have been around 50- 60 guys there. So in terms of pure numbers, this is probably the busiest sauna I've been in here for many, many years (probably since going to Towel Club on Saturdays many years ago).

As I walked around Hutong, one thing struck me. It's not that every guy there was some absolutely gorgeous Adonis (there were a couple though). The vast majority of the guys were like me....attractive enough guys who look after themselves without stinking of attitude. I must say though......virtually no one there is fugly/ over 45/ 'fat' (by western standards). I say these things as a matter of fact rather than to be harsh......I'm not ageist at all, and some of my best sexual experiences have been with people who aren't conventionally handsome by arbitrary gay standards. But it is an inescapable truth that Hutong's reputation precedes them; people who are scared of not 'measuring up', don't go. As other posters have mentioned, the crowd is almost exclusively GAM but I did notice a nice enough looking GWM guy as I left.

As a white man, it's clear I'm not the preferred type for many of Hutong's regulars. Nevertheless, I didn't get any shitty attitude from them, and managed to have fun with three cute (and rather buff) GAM guys.  


Summary and Comparisons with Alexander 

All in all, I had an unexpectedly great time at Hutong. The thing that really hit home was how overpriced Alexander is in comparison (Alexander's current entrance price is HKD 150.00); their facilities are worse, it isn't as clean, their music is beyond obnoxious and their clientele is nowhere near as hot at an overall level. Don't get me wrong......you can see some stunning guys at Alexander on a Saturday afternoon, but the overall standard is brought down by some patrons who are frankly best described as monsters. I agree that Alexander is very friendly to all comers and should be respected for that, but still.......

Despite having a great time at Hutong, I'm not sure I'll be rushing back. My visit was more out of boredom and curiosity than anything else. I can't guarantee to people reading that their nasty door policy doesn't kick in at busier times such as weekend afternoons. I realize that there is an inherent contradiction in my review; I've criticized Hutong for having a reputation re: its door policy, and yet praised it because the crowd is generally fitter and younger. I think it's for individuals to make their minds up as to whether this might be the place for them (to be fair, the recent reviews submitted to this site have been fairly positive).  

Anyway, look after yourself. 


FuelMix says:

1.   A comprehensive review.  We appreciate the feedback.

2.   We miss the now defunct Towel Club too.  It had real potential, but the location and the fact that it wasn't open 24 hours were big negatives.  But whoa.......it could pull in some hot guys on the weekends.

3.   Your comparison of Hutong and Alexander is not misplaced.  Alexander was for a time, the flagship sauna in town in terms of facilities and quality of customers. So it's reasonable to compare those that opened subsequently to it - like Big Top, Club Houzz, The Great and Hutong.

4.   We've been hearing that the 3 saunas currently competing for the hotter guys are:

• Big Top
• Hunter
• Hutong

All 3 attract slim to gym fit GAM twinks, with a few GAM muscle jocks thrown in. We've already commented that there is a customer feedback loop between Hunter and Hutong.

5.   It would appear that Alexander, infested with Mainland Chinese, many of whom are not good looking and whose personal hygiene and manners leave a lot to be desired, has sustained a hit in terms of its appeal as a "go to" venue.  It still gets packed, but the look and demographic of the customers has definitely changed for the worse. Further, we agree with your comments on the quality and volume of the music, the degrading facilities and declining levels of cleanliness.

6.   That said, Alexander is still popular with white tourists of all ages who might not feel comfortable at Big Top, Hunter and Hutong.  Given their locations, we frankly doubt whether they could even find those 3. By contrast, Alexander is right next to the Langham Place Hotel.

7.   You paid HK$150.00 at Alexander.  We've always paid HK$130.00 and suspect others are paying less.  We've screeched before about price differentials that customers going to the same sauna are paying and consider it price gouging.

8.   Thanks for writing in.

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Hunter Sauna 12

10th Floor Ko's House
577 Nathan Road
Yau Ma Tei
Kowloon
Hong Kong
MTR: Yau Ma Tei Station, Exit A, then Exit A1

Tel: 2138 8678
Staff speak English on the phone 

Opening Hours:
Monday - Thursday 3pm to 3am
Friday nites - 3pm to overnite
Saturday - all day to overnite
Sunday - 3pm to 3am

Web: http://www.huntersauna.com.hk/ 

So fags...... 4:30pm on a sultry Monday afternoon and dripping with sweat, FuelMix was in the neighbourhood and thought......."just what the hell is Hunter Sauna like this early in the week........??"  Conventional wisdom says gay saunas are dead on Monday afternoons and the last review of this joint was 3 months ago.

But then, this isn't a conventional blog.............

Hunter Sauna - The Cult of the Lovelight

English speaking GAM twinks on duty were politely smiling when FuelMix fronted up. He was offered a choice of 3 neon glowing bracelets:

1. Blue - for Tops, worn on the left wrist;  or
2. Green - for Bottoms, worn on the right wrist;  or
3. Red - for Versatile, worn on the left wrist;

There were a handful of people already there, all 20- something GAMs, skinny to gym fit smoothies. They looked like college students.  We've written before that, like Galaxy, Hunter fills up quickly and once again, guys were coming in every few minutes. They ranged from skinny, to gym fit with the occasional more muscular jock twink showing up. It would help if they turned up the lighting in the Locker Area. But we understand why they didn't. As soon as a customer comes in, he'll either be wearing the bracelet or waving it around before he changes.  Other customers can see straight away, whether it's gonna be a magnetic attraction in the Dark Room where opposite bracelets attract, or whether one hot bottom is gonna be repelled by another hot bottom.

We've also said that Hunter's Dark Area is pretty dark and that's where these neon glowing bracelets come in handy.  We like the bracelet idea. It's a neon twist on the Hanky Code and more saunas in town should take up the idea.  It allows the leveraging of time and attention - although it won't stop a customer from ogling a similarly braceletted hottie with pangs of regret.

There's no shortage of attitude in Hunter and we've commented before that it can take a while to get action.  The trick is not to be bothered by it and in fact, not to go looking for it, but rather to simply chill and go with the flow. Our view is that these stupid chink twinks are practicing their attitude - they're still finding their way around Faggotry now that they're just old enough not to have a note from Mom pinned on them.

There are 2 things that stand out in Hunter.  One is the steady stream of peeps coming through the door. The other is barely legal, chain smoking chink twinks shrouded in a nicotine mist looking like proxies of the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power plant.  Presumably they feel all grown up.  Sooner rather than later, these same twinks will be fronting up for Botox injections to manage crows feet and wrinkles.  We were surprised to observe several chink twinks with a nasty smoker's cough.  At THAT age........???!!!

In an earlier post entitled, Nigga Fag's Rage, we recorded how whites in the saunas of Western Fagland turned off the private room lights when the nigga approached and flipped them back on again when he'd gone. It was their way of rejecting him.  In Hunter, there's a similar tactic employed in the Dark Room. If an "undesirable" shuffles your way whilst your propped up against the wall, simply put your hand with the bracelet behind your back and it effectively switches off your lovelight.............pathetic huh..........? But then, attitude knows no bounds.  

You get to keep your lovelight when you leave. It's a great experiment wearing it on the street in the evenings. You'll get knowing glances from those who know.........It doesn't work so well on the MTR where the florescent lights in the carriages kill your glow. But we wouldn't be surprised if GAMs took to the lovelights as an evening fashion accessory here in Very Rich Megacity. Tons of neon in the city........a little neon on the body proclaiming which way is "In".

We can tell you that there was no shortage of goodlooking, gym fit to muscular GAMs that showed up that Monday afternoon. They're in their 20s and 30s. No chubs were spotted and neither did we see any chubs on our earlier visit 3 months ago on a Friday evening.

We can definitively tell you that the Hunter guys are also the ones who show up at Hutong with its apparently notorious door policy.  How do we know........? We asked them.  They told us.

We can also definitively tell you that foreigners DO show up at Hunter even on a Monday afternoon, early evening.  How do we know........? We saw them.  3 gym fit white guys in their 20s and 2 gym fit brown guys in their 20s.  They'd obviously been there before and they knew their way around.

After being ignored for a while, FuelMix got action with 3 gym fit college GAMs so no complaints there.

Again, we inform you that there is attitude there and a potentially long wait before you might get some interest. The twinks will shrink behind their attitude.  Some people prefer a gentler approach.......

FuelMix doesn't.  He's cocky and brazen. He got one cute muscled college GAM by tripping him in the corridor, then helping him up.........

On the 2 occasions that FuelMix showed up at Hunter, he left quite satisfied. This time, he was there between 4:30pm and 7:45pm. Unlike Alexander, this place has not (yet) been infested by Mainland Chinese.  These 20 and 30 something GAMs are local guys from Very Rich Megacity.

Check it out and let us know.

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Talking To Adam 9

I'm in my late 40s and live at home with my parents.  I have a steady job as a middle ranking white collar professional.  I'm gay and always have been.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I used to go to one of the high end gyms here in Very Rich Megacity close to the business district. My gaydar would pick out who the gay guys were.  I'd make it a point to hang out with them in the gym and chat to them. They were very friendly. But I hid my sexuality and was really careful about my behaviour and mannerisms. I really didn't want anyone to know or suspect that I might be gay. The closest I got to having any contact with them was when I'd invite them for a beer after the gym. Not one of them enquired about my sexuality, so I guess I did a pretty good job of hiding it - or maybe they already knew and were too polite to mention it openly.

Some of the gay guys in the gym had amazing bodies and I was grateful that they hung out with me afterwards. I was just skinny or slim. The str8 guys were jealous of them.  It was well known in the gym that the gay guys were having sex in the showers and in the steam room. The management did nothing about it and probably even encouraged it because at the time, that gym was very popular with gay guys.

The str8 guys were horny just thinking about the action in the locker room, jealous that they couldn't get it and angry because it was taking place right under their noses. Since I chatted regularly with the gay customers, they assumed I was pretty harmless and several times I witnessed action in the locker room and steam room.  I was never invited to join in, but they didn't stop when they saw me. But they'd get real pissed off when a str8 guy would appear.

It was also rumoured that the gay guys had hooked up with some of the gay-curious or bi hunky personal trainers in the gym, who had their own network of other muscled personal trainers. The talk was that the gay guys and the personal trainers would meet for group fun at a sauna or somebody's apartment. Again, I was never invited.  I guess I didn't look the part - and I still don't, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was actually going on.

My parents didn't and still don't have a clue that I'm gay and always have been.  That's because for a few years in my 20s and 30s I had a steady girlfriend whom I had introduced to my parents. I'm not exactly sure why I started dating women.  Perhaps it was me attempting to deny my sexuality, or trying to cope in some way by "managing" it. Anyways......for all intents and purposes, I was str8 and my parents didn't suspect a thing - other than suspecting that I'd get married, which I haven't. And they haven't questioned it.

At work, nobody suspected a thing. They all knew I went to the gym,'coz they'd seen my gym bag but so what....? Some knew that I had a girlfriend and had casually met her. There was the usual office banter of "what are you doing this weekend?".  I had the standard answer that I was going out with my girlfriend.  She'd show up with me at some of the office events too, so that helped my cover.

I was never buffed or muscled.  I was just kinda slim.  I didn't dress flash or in high fashion, I kinda went out of my way to dress drab or at best, just ordinarly even though my girlfriend kept nagging me to smarten up and dress more trendy. We had fights about that.  She didn't know what I was actually protecting and I couldn't tell her.

I was really careful........I didn't watch porn on home computers. I kept porn mags and sexy underwear in a safe deposit bank in the bank.  When I was feeling horny, I'd go to the bank at lunch time, take out the porn and the underwear, put it in an official looking re-sealable envelope marked "Private" and addressed to a fictitious person with a real address. The envelope would be placed in a locked briefcase when I returned to the office and that briefcase never left my sight at work.

After work, I'd take the briefcase to an hourly hotel, take out the porn, put on the underwear and jack off for about 2 hours. Then I'd go home.  Again, the locked briefcase never left my sight and was put under the bed overnite. The next day I'd go to work and drop into the bank, put the porn and underwear back in the safe deposit box and pretend nothing had happened.  I did this for a few years. I built up quite a collection of gay porn mags.  But I was still a gay virgin.

I was sleeping with my girlfriend but the sex was pretty bad. Everytime I was fucking her, I kept thinking about the gay guys in the gym or the guys in the porn mags. I wanted to be fucked by them.  I knew in my heart that I was actually a gay bottom and  I knew I was living a lie. My girlfriend picked it up pretty quickly that I was a lousy lover.  For a while she didn't say anything. On one occasion, I found a couple of ads from Chinese and European male escorts in her jacket pocket that she'd asked me to take to the dry cleaners.  Something told me she was sleeping around and I was to blame.  I was just too terrified to say anything.

We broke up when I was in my mid-30s. She was pretty blunt about it and said I was lousy in bed, didn't have a body that appealed to her and didn't dress up to her taste. It hurt at the time because I knew I had hurt her as well and she'd probably put up with me far longer than she needed to.  At the same time, I was relieved because I only had to deal with my family who were pretty much under control.

From my mid-30s onwards, I started going to the gay saunas around town. I had already realized I was a bottom and a very submissive one.  I just love to serve muscular guys from head to toes.  As you can see, I'm not much to look at, other than being slim but I am very, very submissive and openminded.  I still go to the gym, but not as frequently as I used to.

I need to work on my gag reflex and I can't suck large cocks deep even though I really want to.  For fucking, medium sized cocks work best for me although I really wish I could take the larger ones. I compensate for that by bodyworshipping, armpit licking and deep rimming for a long time.

Although I show up at the gay saunas, I'm still very closeted. I'll keep up appearances by going out socially with women - usually in a group with other guys, but sometimes on my own. And I tell my parents that I'm going on a date. It's sorta true, I guess.  I haven't slept with another woman since breaking up with my girlfriend about 10 years ago.

It's the weirdest feeling........sometimes I don't know who I am as a person or as a professional.  But I know exactly who I am sexually.........I am a very submissive gay bottom.  That's not gonna change anytime soon. And I'll still continue to hide my sexuality even though it's driving and modifying my behaviour in all other aspects of my life.

I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this.  Even though I'm true to myself sexually, my life still feels out of balance.  I don't even want to talk about coming Out.  I wouldn't know how to.

Copyright © 2006 - 2013 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

K K Fitness 4

16th Floor, Block A, Fuk Lok Building (Fortuna Building)
19 - 21 Jordan Road
Tsim Sha Tsui
Kowloon
Hong Kong
MTR : Jordan Station, Exit A

Tel: 2388 3931

Note:

1. Not open 24 hours, closes at Midnight;
2. Take the lift to the 15th Floor and walk up one floor;

Sent in by a reader last week:



One day after work, around 7:30pm or 8ish, on a whim I made up the decision of checking the sauna myself - because I had not tried it before and KK Fitness is the only one in Jordan area. It was easy to find the building at which the sauna was located. But it is worth mentioning that there is no direct lift to the sauna (on the 16/F). The two lifts of the building only take one to the 15/F (the left one) or the 14/F (the right one) - and one has to walk up the stairs after getting out of the lift.

When at last I got to the 16/F,  I was not entirely sure if it was the sauna or the sauna had moved away. More or less the Reception resembled a working-class clubhouse or community centre - as I heard people singing and the Reception area was bright 'bright', contrary to the dim lighting of the receptions at other saunas. However, then I saw the HIV-testing posters and some mature men in towels walking around - it dawned on me that this was it.

So I paid the fee. I went to the locker area. On the left to the reception area there were two karaoke rooms - people were singing indeed. I heard Chinese opera-ish style from one room while another was tuning some Canton pop 1980ish style. Walking towards the locker area I saw people with slippers on. I had to have slippers on too, I thought. I cannot be barefoot around this place! The locker area was kind of okay. After I changed in the locker area and fetched the slippers I noticed that there was a note posted (or being hung around) on the doorway which sort of said it was under renovation. I walked up close and discovered, to my shock, that there was building materials left in the area behind that note. 


I then left the locker area. I walked by the Reception and went to the Big TV area (there was a big TV) next to it. There was a doorway towards the right corner. I walked inside. On my right I found the shower area with the dark wet sauna. I showered and went inside the wet sauna which was a small rectangle. Nothing was going on. I got out and left the shower area. There was a porn corner next to the shower area with a curtain and further away there were cabins. I walked towards the cabins. The cabins were kind of eerily silent. I thought no one was using any of them. And no one was loitering or cruising around. I left.

I was back to the Reception. I asked the reception if the other side was also part of the sauna. They affirmed and then I walked across. That was the Green side of the KK Fitness. There was a smaller TV and there were 2 other Karaoke rooms. To the right of the karaoke rooms there was another shower area. The decor of this shower area (and the rest of the Green side) was different from the above mentioned. And there was a dry sauna inside this shower area. No one was there. I backed out. I walked along the 2 karaoke rooms and then I turned left and there were the cabins which were not occupied.

I walked back to the Reception side of KK Fitness. Along mid-way I saw a staircase which was to the roof top. I went up to check. Nobody was there. It was an open area of a roof terrace (without flowers and plants) - only a row of chairs. Naturally I got back down to the stairs. 


As I mentioned, mature men were there. They made up the majority of the clientele by the time I went there. The number of guys there were about 10 to 15 I think. I was now at the Big TV area next to the Reception desk, in the hope that some sexy men (not necessarily gym fit or young) would show up. I noticed that the mature men were there to chit-chat with each other, watch TV and sing. As I sat on the sofa in the Big TV area I saw a young man (about mid20ish) talking - and patting - to the other mature man. They then disappeared through the opening at the right corner and entered into one of the cabins as I followed them (there was nothing else to do). Another pair of this kind was spotted at the Porn TV area as well - the older guy was stroking the thighs of the younger guy (this one was about mid 30ish). 


So that had been it, as I made up my mind to leave KK FItness after only 1.5 hours. Nothing happened for me obviously.


I found I had used 'no' and 'nothing' many times to describe the place now that I write about the concluding remark. That might have been due to my wrong timing - I suspect that the situation could have been different in the afternoon hours or on weekends. My initial perception of the sauna was that the style was similar to Galaxy in Tsim Sha Tsui. The difference was that the guys at Galaxy were a bit more sex-bound while the men at KK Fitness (for the time I only saw during my visit) was more laid-back (in style of enjoying time via karaoke, TV watching, etc). 


I do believe some sexy guys would drop by KK Fitness so I might visit for a second time. But I will have to do it earlier. 


FuelMix says:

It's been a while since we had an update of KK Fitness Sauna. Apparently nothing's changed physically.

It's obviously the place for mature oriental guys (we're told mature white guys also show up) and 20 somethings and 30 somethings that chase them. We suggest readers also see what we wrote about the clientele in our reviews.

Thanks for the update.

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Talking To Adam 8

You know, it's a funny thing.........like other gay guys I have a strong sex drive.  I'm in great shape, go to the gym and I don't have trouble getting attention.  Every so often, I'd hit the saunas, get my rocks off and leave.

But over the last year, something kinda weird has happened to me when I hit the saunas......... I don't feel like playing with anyone there regardless of how hot they are.  I can't exactly explain it........it's the weirdest feeling. I'm in my early 30s, I've never smoked, never done drugs or chems of any kind, I don't have problems performing but yet..........when I get to the sauna (and it doesn't matter which ones around town)........I look around at the guys and I just don't feel like having action with any of them, even if they're cruising me.

At first I thought it was because the same guys were showing up at the different saunas and since they didn't interest me then, they wouldn't interest me now.  But that didn't explain my reluctance to have action with other hot guys whom I hadn't seen before.

The only way I can describe it is that it's something that goes beyond the Gaydar.  It's this feeling that I don't want that hot guy anywhere near me because of his emotional vibes.........does that make any sense......?

It's like.......I don't want any physical diseases and now I also don't want any emotional diseases either regardless of whether the guy is a bodybuilder or a jock or whatever.  It's so weird and I sometimes feel like I'm terrifying myself or losing my mind...........but honestly, there have been so many occasions over the last year where I showed up at the saunas, got heavily cruised by good looking guys...........but just couldn't bring myself to do anything with them............it  was as if I was unconsciously - but accurately - reading their emotional vibes and what I was picking up was just too toxic or was just incompatible with my own vibe....... so I'd sit in one corner or just wander around getting zero action...........and frankly I didn't care.  I was actually comfortable and relieved I wasn't getting any action.

Does that make any sense.........? What I'm trying to say is that even though the gay saunas are all about anonymous no strings attached sex, it's actually a hoax.  There is no such thing as No Strings Attached sex.  You're actually picking up the guy's emotional "stuff" as well and I have this strange feeling that I'm actually beginning to read the guy's vibes.  It's as if I have 2 Gaydars - one physical, one emotional and BOTH have to be in sync for me to have action with that guy.

It never used to be like that for me in the past.  It's not that I'm looking for a relationship with that guy.  But it is as if my own body is telling me that emotional diseases can be as debilitating as physical diseases and you have to watch out for both at the same time.

I dunno..........call me nuts if you like.........but that's how I feel.  And it's happening more and more when I hit the saunas. And now, even when I'm cruised on the streets, the same double Gaydar is kicking in.

It's not that I'm running away from sexual contact.  It's as if something is forcing me to become more choosy - and it goes beyond looks.

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