Soundtrack Of Our Lives
FuelMix was in the gym, doing the usual. In walked a middle aged White Whale - waa--aaay too ugly to be gay. Nobody paid him any attention.
All FuelMix remembers was seeing the White Whale drag a mat to one corner and lie on it.
Somewhere during FuelMix's Widegrip Lateral Pulldowns, a soundtrack took over the gym:
OOh yeah......gonna make it nice and slick.....ya know you're gonna hurt after this....just relax and open up......yeah that's it.....now tighten it.....c'mon tighten it.....I said tighten it 'coz I wanna find the right angle to make you feel it......oooh yeah!!......you're gonna so remember this baby....you know you will....uhh...uhhh... uhhh.....uhhhh....keep the rhythm with me......yeah.....that's it....ooooh yeah.....oh yeah.....that is sooooo tight baby......oooohh.......keep it tight for me.....c'mon I need this......
Heads began to swivel.....WTF.....? Had the predictably lousy nigga rap shit and club tracks drivel that they pipe into the gym finally been hijacked by porn...?
Oh yeah...!! yeah.....keep those abs tight while you thrust.....c'mon thrust.....yeah like that.....just like that....are you burning for me...??....are you....??....'coz you're so tight now.....oh God.....feels so good...!!....uuhh.....uuhh.....
Slowly reality dawned. In his little corner of the Life Fitness universe, the White Whale had laid down on the mat, propped up his I-Pad and turned up the volume on an interactive Ab Crunching Video led by an oleagenous-voiced compression shirt- clad trainer who should have been dubbing for Japanese Gay Anime.
But the best was yet to come....
Breathing hard and with his legs now spread in the air, the White Whale let out a massive gasp and lay there twitching and moaning, beached on the mat in his own sweat.UUhhh.....can't hold it much longer.......uhhh......can't hold back.....gotta release what's inside.....oh God.....just gotta release it.......just a little more now......c'mon just a little more now.....oh God.....oh God.....gonna have to let this pressure go....oooooh yeah.....ooooooohhhh yeeeaahhh!!!......aaaaahhhh!!...aaaahhhhh!!!......gonna fire off this pressure now......here it comes.......uuuuhhhh...uuhhhhhhh......aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!............
The rest of the gym gulped.
Originally published 31 May 2012
Republished 17 February 2014
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