Jesus The Fag

......from no less a mouth than Sir Elton John as reported in the Sun on 19 February 2010.

Ever the enquiring mind, FuelMix decided to do a quick tour of christianity to see if the thesis held up:

• When JC was born, it was just heavenly......lots of singing, strobe lights, androgenous guys in white with wings, all high.  Pretty much a faa-buu-luss White Party.
• When JC was born, 3 foreign guys show up (no invitation) with designer gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh i.e. Bling, Perfume and Body Rub.
• JC is presented in the Bible as an only child. Mama's boy huh? Does woodwork occaisonally, lords it over the other kids in the neighbourhood.
• As a pre-adolescent, JC hangs out at church, attracting the attention of infatuated priests. Obviously into older men and they know it.
• When he's older, JC cruises for guys on the shores of Lake Galilee with the opening line, "Follow me, I will make you fishers of men". Uh huh.........
• JC hangs out with Mary Magdalene, a reputed whore.
• JC displays foot fetish when MM washes his feet with her hair.
• JC likes getting worshiped and craves adulation from easily swayed types.
• JC lectures about other people's morals, says nothing about his own.
• JC brags about how rich his Dad is: "In my Father's house, there are many mansions"
• JC goes to parties, helps out with the drinks by turning water into wine.
• JC composes a song, then tells everybody else to sing it.  Calls it "The Lord's Prayer".
• JC holds a Pre-Death Party.  Calls it "The Last Supper", then pisses everybody off by throwing a hissy fit claiming that nobody really knows him and how he's gonna be backstabbed in a few hours by 2 of them.
• JC goes for a walk in Gethsemane Park alone, late at night.  Knows Judas will show up and kiss him.
• JC is into BDSM - accepts torture, crown of thorns, flogging, spitting, nailing. Apparently, no "safe" words used.
• Wears cool purple shawl on the big day.  Raffled off to Roman soldiers. Does his bit for charity.
• Demands a drink while dying.

Yep......sounds pretty gay to FuelMix.

Originally published 19 February 2010.  
Republished 9 October 2012.

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