Shock And Awe

It started innocently enough.

FuelMix finished his errands downtown. The city was cold and damp. FuelMix dropped into the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation). It was a quiet off-peak period and FuelMix didn’t expect anything interesting to transpire.

Wrong.

A fag visiting Very Rich Megacity, waving a totally useless tourist map, asked FuelMix for directions to a gay sauna on the assumption it was open 24 hours. FuelMix informed the fag that only certain saunas in VRM were open 24 hours and only then on weekends.

Fag became agitated. The conversation went like this:

Fag: So there are no 24 hour saunas open today?

FM: No. Weekdays they close between 11pm and midnight.

Fag: Shit. Where do I stay?

FM: You don’t have a hotel?

Fag: No. I stay in hourly guest houses, bars or saunas. What time does this bar close?

FM: About 4 a..m.

Fag: Great….it’s only about 11 p.m. I can stay till 4 a.m. get breakfast from 7-11 and then head to the airport. I’m flying home to London.

FM: Where’s your luggage if you’re not staying in a hotel?

Fag: [points to a plastic bag with a shop logo] Right here.

FM: What do you do in London?

Fag: Medical field.

FM: Doctor? Surgeon? Technician?

Fag: Nah. Too hard. I’m a hospital cleaner. I work 12 hour shifts from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. and then I party all night in bars, casinos and saunas.

FM: Whaddya mean “all night”?

Fag: From 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. I sleep for an hour till 7 a.m. and then get to work. And then I do it all over again. Every day, pretty much.

FM: You serious?

Fag: Oh yeah. Me and my friends….we have a lifestyle, we like to socialize, check out the bars, casinos and sauna usually in that order.

FM: C’mon how much sleep you really get?

Fag: I told you. About an hour a day.

FM: You do drugs?

Fag: Oh sure! Helps liven things up. When I can’t get them I smoke.

[Fag pulls out a pack and lights up. Orders a beer, gin & tonic and a whisky on the rocks. All for himself]

[FuelMix remains silent, watching bar tender mix the drinks. Drinks arrive. Fag pays. Starts drinking from each in turn]

FM: You travel a lot?

Fag: Oh sure! When I’m in London, on weekends I’ve been to Paris, Amsterdam, Madrid, Berlin, Barcelona, Prague, Rome, Fort Lauderdale. I really love the bars and saunas. And the saunas are open 24 hours which is nice.

FM: So you don’t stay in hotels?

Fag: Nah. In saunas you can buy food – you know some places will even deliver to a sauna - some have shows every couple of hours and also disposable razors so I can shave. I like meeting different types of men. I try to visit every guy in each private room.

FM: You’re a bottom.

Fag: Wow! You’re good! Love getting fucked. Gang banged is even more fun.

FM: You bareback?

Fag: Oh sure……hate breaking the rhythm when I’m being gang banged. But if a guy wants a condom, what can I say……?

FM: So…..you sleep 1 hour a day, work for 12, party for 11, travel on weekends to bars and saunas?

Fag: Yeah…..

FM: You find it expensive?

Fag: I don’t really count the money. My job’s pretty steady. Every hospital needs cleaners.

FM: How’s your health?

Fag: OK…..I think. I haven’t seen a doctor in a while coz I see them everyday and after I finish work it’s like do I really wanna hang around and wait to see a doctor or meet up with my friends? Anyway I always carry a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss and moisturizer.

FM: How long you been a hospital cleaner?

Fag: 20 years.

FM: How long you been partying every nite after work?

Fag: 20 years.

FM: How old are you?

Fag: 39

Originally published 30 December 2008.  Republished 3 November 2011.

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