Sashay, Sand & Speedos

It had been sometime since FuelMix appeared at the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation). So, pushing open the doors, he made his entrance – and was promptly eyeballed by the usual alumni of fag losers, flakes and half-wits who had, unknowingly, provided FuelMix with the ammunition that makes this blog worthwhile.

Ordering his usual poison, FuelMix was obliged to stand directly in front of the bar, since his favourite perches were taken. Seconds later, Madonna’s nasal whine in the form of “You Must Be My Lucky Star” cranked up on the jukebox.

Almost immediately, FuelMix was swept out of the way by two late 40s white fags sashaying down an imaginary corridor that led past the bar and towards the toilets. Bemused and fazed, FuelMix watched as the 2 ageing white fags sashayed back and forth on what was obviously an imaginary catwalk in time to Madonna’s whining, giggling like schoolgirls.

Unable to contain his curiosity, FuelMix tapped one of the sashaying fags and asked what was going down. Breathless and excited, the ageing white fag gushed that he and his friend had purchased tickets to a beach party and a rave, which was to be held across the border from Very Rich Megacity. Fag and his friend had decided they needed to practice how to strut.

FuelMix asked if they were merely kidding around, but noooo……the ageing white fag was quite serious. As he put it, when a fag’s body and looks go downhill, the fag has to work twice as hard to attract the attention of the younger hotties who would be at a rave and beach party in droves. Since there was no way either of the ageing fags could compete on the dance moves, it was thought prudent to learn how to sashay up and down the dance floor.

The apparent logic was that not only could they at least move in time to the music, but by sashaying, they could effectively cruise the dance floor. Both ageing white fags were into young chinks in their 20s.

FuelMix smirked. Firstly, the music at a rave would be anything but 1980s Madonna. Secondly their style of sashaying would effectively cut a swathe through the dance floor and piss the other fags off, thereby wrecking their cruising chances. Thirdly, a couple of sashaying white fags in their 40s, would be looked on by the rave crowd as an amusing novelty at best, a pathetic display at worst.

Eager to add his 2 cents worth, the other ageing white fag chimed in to announce that they had just bought brand new Speedo swimming trunks.

“Look!” he exclaimed, as he whirled around to display his ample flabby ass.

A pair of red Speedo briefs stuck out of his back pocket, like a spandex hanky code. Fag pulled out the Speedos, opened them, spread them across his face and started licking them through the crotch. The other ageing white fag screamed in delight, embraced his friend and started to French-kiss him through the Speedos.

Nobody in the bar paid the slightest attention.

The 2 ageing white fags remained locked in their French-kissing-thru-Speedos embrace as Eric Clapton came on the jukebox and sang, “Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?”

It seemed appropriate.

© 2008 FuelMix All Rights Reserved

Gateway

1/F Kwong Ah Building
114 Thomson Road
Wanchai
Hong Kong
Telephone: 2591 0500
MTR Exit B3

Gateway is the 3rd of the saunas (after ABC and HUNK) operated by the Gateway Group. Tucked away in what is really a side street in bustling Wanchai, it's location gets high marks for being discreet. Close to the business district of Central, it's in a perfect spot to flee from the office in the afternoons and tell your secretary you've gone to a meeting with a fictitious client.


Of the 3 saunas operated by the Gateway Group, "gateway" is the largest, cleanest and the best laid out. There isn't quite that feeling of grubby claustrophobia that is the defining characteristic of every other gay sauna in Very Rich Megacity.

Thank God, it's doesn't have the infuriating artsiness and general impracticality of HUNK. If anything, it's better equipped - and more sparsely decorated - than HUNK and its sister, ABC.

Pay your 100 bucks and step right into a long space with lockers along the walls. The lounge, with good quality leather sofas and a massaging recliner, are to the right. Free internet access with the obligatory bowl of bananas and crackers and free soft drinks plus a coffee maker are also near the lounge.

To the far left of the lockers is the shower area. Pretty impressive too. A jacuzzi and a cold splash tub, a tiny dry sauna, showers with an additional jet at cock level and an adequately sized steam room with a cold shower in it. Lots of action potential. And it seems clean (although FuelMix has a personal policy of NEVER sitting in a communal jacuzzi).

However, be warned. The management appears to have put some kind of inhalant in the steam room, similar to Vicks Vapo Rub. It stings your nostrils and severely limits the time you can spend in there. But the cold shower in there is fun - especially when a fag is eating FuelMix's muscled ass.

Also to the left of the lockers, are the play rooms. Let's get this point out of the way: EVERY ONE OF THE FUCKIN PLAY ROOMS HAS A DISTORTION - INDUCING MIRROR !!! THE TYPE YOU FIND IN FAIRGROUNDS!!! AAAAAAARGH..............................!!!

It's like, "what the fuck.........................?"

The good news is that there are enough play rooms there - including a massive one right at the end for group fucks. There's also a jack off wall with a bench at crotch level to give blow jobs to passing meat. The porn is a mixture of jap and western. For once, the western porn was actually pretty hot.

According to the customers who were there, this place has a more relaxed atmosphere than HUNK. FuelMix can testify to that one: while typing this posting from the free internet access in the premises, FuelMix is receiving a gentle licking on his nipples and armpits from a friendly fag (who hasn't a clue what FuelMix is actually doing right now).

Worth a return visit and definitely a place that both chink fags, foreign fags and western fags should check out. Far better than anything in Central.

HUNK 1

1/F Overseas Building, 
417 - 421 Hennessy Road, 
Causeway Bay,
Hong Kong

Telephone: 2893 7027

Take MTR Exit B

This has now been re-named as Action, following a renovation.  Read Hunk 2 and then go to the Labels section of the blog, on the Right Hand Side, and click on "Action HKG" for the full up to date review as at August 2010.

Prince House

OK, straight up, this place is an unmitigated disaster. Tucked away in a back lane in the heart of Very Rich Megacity's SOHO area, you'd think this place would be rocking with sexed up studs. But nooo.................it's deserted. And FuelMix should know. In the interests of blog research, he went back several times.

For starters, the place is not a fully fledged gay sauna. It's a gay play space - and not a good one either. It's tiny and very cramped. And have fun negotiating the near-vertical staircase to get to the lockers, a few play rooms and a so-called video room showing mainly Jap porn. And dudes about 6'2" won't be able to stand upright in the upstairs area.

The place just reeks of "dead". The guys that do show up, are not good looking and mainly office worker chinks.

Downstairs, there are play rooms big enough for groups and 2 people can close them off. The last time FuelMix was there, counting himself, there were 2 other fags. 3 hours later, nobody else had shown up.

It's just wasted potential. Watch out for the "discount coupons" the front desk hands out. They have some restrictions that are not spelt out. All notices are in chink. Surprising really, coz the SOHO area is full of expatriate professionals.

This is one place that should just be left to go out of business. The front desk knows the place is dead. But they won't say anything to you and just take your cash.